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Post divorce dating

Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:32 pm
by jeff47912
I have seen the advice here and elsewhere that one should not start dating for about a year
after a divorce. Why is that, exactly? (Kids are long gone, BTW). I have seen some online
profiles where the women state that they are not interested in recently divorced men; fair
enough, I won't contact them, and on any dates I do go on, I will do my best to leave my
baggage at home. But I'm tired of being in a loveless, sexless marriage, and I need to
live! So what is the downside to getting right back into it?

Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:38 pm
by BartSimpson
Predators.

Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:41 pm
by lovingfatherof2
At your age I would go bang everything in sight.

But not until the divorce is finalized.

Only concern I have with you is your high net worth, you are a prime target for predatory women.

That is just my opinion, take it for a grain of salt.

Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:49 pm
by Havalu7
Maybe you could be Ragnar's wingman?

Do you hike? Kidding.

Look up his thread for some great answers to your inquiry.

Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:55 pm
by jeff47912
I know - not much time left before the hardware stops working!
Hopefully I am smart enough to not let my "little head" do all my thinking for me...

Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:57 pm
by gamingdad
I look at it like this:
Keeping in mind the predator aspect Bart mentioned, failed marriages and divorce can < edited > people up, regardless of how amicable or hostile it is. There is emotional and mental baggage that needs to be resolved. For me, I want to have some emotional and mental stability before introducing a new dynamic into my life.
Take the flip side, you start dating immediately after the thought of marriage being over, and the person you are dating may not even recognize you in a year's time after all the changes that will happen.
Why run the risk of another failed relationship so soon after the dissolution of a marriage?
Ultimately, people are temporary, but is your happiness?

Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 9:10 pm
by Outis
BartSimpson wrote:Predators.

In addition to this, I just want to add a few things.

I needed time to process what happened. I ignored some red flags and paid the price. I needed to reevaluate that decision making process.

It helps to get back into a groove, especially with kids and a schedule. Develop a daily/weekly routine and adjust to a new life.

Explore new interests on my own. Memories are made by experiences, both good and bad. I needed some good new ones that were just me (and with my son for some, too).

Finally, time off helps you be OK with being alone - you aren't looking for validation via a partner.

Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 2:04 am
by Trevor
jeff47912 wrote:Hopefully I am smart enough to not let my "little head" do all my thinking for me...

This thread indicates which one's doing the intellectual heavy lifting.

Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 9:40 am
by FlyGuySLO
I think everyone here understands the need to make up for lost time in a loveless and sexless marriage, but there is a price to pay for that if you move too fast. There is a difference between a relationship and just having fun.

I have exactly ZERO desire for a relationship and may not for a long time. But since I'm still alive and want to have fun, I did have a FWB for a while. One thing that made that possible, and fun, was I was completely and totally up front about what I wanted and was able to give.

I basically told her, in nicer terms than this; "I have no space in my life or mind right now for a relationship or commitment of any kind. If you want to continue to get together and have naked fun then I'm there, but that is all it will ever be."

It went on for a few months but when she started a conversation about "why can't we be in a committed relationship?", I ended it post haste. No dating since then but it may be a long time before I feel the need to send a Valentine to anyone.

It actually felt good to be so direct and put my needs first because I had been walking on eggshells in a bad marriage for so long I thought I had lost my self esteem.

Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postPosted: Sat Jan 14, 2017 11:15 pm
by Havalu7
Fly that's a great example of the "naked truth".