Post divorce dating

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postby Havalu7 » Tue Sep 05, 2017 4:43 pm

FLMAOOTF! :lol:
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Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postby ragnar » Wed Sep 06, 2017 2:21 pm

FWIW:

I tried marriage counseling twice. Unlike dingbat (NJs nickname I gave her), I actually learned from it.

I have a lot of relationship tools today that I didn't have during marriage and I will never fail at marriage again. Oh, and I am in no rush to marry. If I date someone like 3 years, I'll consider it. I am 10x better at handling conflict. Even when dealing with NJ today I use "I feel statements" when they are needed. And if I remarry, I'll be doing pre-marriage counseling before getting engaged.

To be frank, it will be 18 months before my separation turns into a completed divorce. I can understand someone not dating after a "fast" divorce that lasts 6 months. But having been out of it this long, I am working on me being happy. And to be frank, my activities are awesome but I am ready to have someone to share my life with again.

Everyone is different. No divorce is the same for two people. No two people have the same psychy in these matters.

The one year rule is worth while thinking about. You need to know the kids come first no matter what. You need to know that you are really ready. When I started thinking about dating again and it came time to actually go on a date, I backed out and waited months before considering it again. First real date was like 8 months after separation and dated that person for a month. I've gone on dates since but only a date here and there. I'm in no rush to get into a relationship. And to be frank, that woman I dated 8 months ago was also separated. She was overwhelmed and dating didn't help her nerves so we decided to walk away for now. We contact each other once in a while. But to be frank, she was incredible. We got along way better than anyone I've dated or become friends with. I think we might give it a go again in the future. But if we didn't ever meet, this person that might eventually be long term would not exist to me. So quite frankly, if she and I work out, everyone here is wrong about the concrete statements of 1 year post divorce.

EDIT: When not dating for so long, it's healthy to see what's out there in no pressure situations. I've met people that love sports or do hiking and do nothing. I'm learning more about what I truly want in some one next time.
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Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Sep 06, 2017 2:38 pm

ragnar wrote:that woman I dated 8 months ago was also separated. She was overwhelmed and dating didn't help her nerves so we decided to walk away for now...she was incredible. We got along way better than anyone I've dated or become friends with. I think we might give it a go again in the future. But if we didn't ever meet, this person that might eventually be long term would not exist to me. So quite frankly, if she and I work out, everyone here is wrong about the concrete statements of 1 year post divorce.

What a steaming lump of illogical < bovine scat >.

You thought you were ready but you weren't. She thought she was ready but she wasn't. No surprise there.

A factor that you are skipping/ignoring is that as two separated people, you were leaning on each other under the duress of divorce. Two dependent, unready people in a completely < feces-like > time of their lives. Hardly a foundation for relationship success, but obviously using each other as crutches during crisis.

Misery loves company is a real thing that you are mistaking for long-term compatibility for a healthy relationship. Therefore, I call < bovine scat >. We argue this is a bad strategy for navigating divorce because of your vulnerability and emotional unreadiness. And our point stands in your case.

Your argument seems to be that because you happened to make a bad choice and met someone while you were still married, but broke up because you agreed that neither was ready to make such a stupid decision, if you later find a relationship together, that would somehow invalidate our time-tested and statistically valid assertion about not dating for a year after divorce is final. Nonsense.

Further, your lameass argument seems to say also that because you would never have met her that you'd never find someone else for a life mate later in your life. Nonsense.

Are you high? [Rhet.]
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Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postby ragnar » Thu Sep 07, 2017 3:59 pm

Trever,

The simple fact is that most statements with the word all are false. Some of what you say is true but to say that all divorced people should not date for a year is bovine scat.
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Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Sep 07, 2017 4:25 pm

What's abundantly clear is your confusion about the definition of consilience.
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Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postby Havalu7 » Thu Sep 07, 2017 4:53 pm

Just looked up the word consilience and that is one of the things I love about the forum (besides making "hiking" jokes)! That is I learn from the guys and auxiliary something just about every day.

I also have learned that you don't have to agree with everyone but the consilience on dating is YES wait a year.

Rag are you a distant relative to that Lavern and Shirley guy? What was his name: the guy with the religious divorce that took him about thirty threads to get what the whole forum was trying to tell him?
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Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Sep 07, 2017 5:19 pm

ragnar wrote:Trever,

The simple fact is that most statements with the word all are false. Some of what you say is true but to say that all divorced people should not date for a year is bovine scat.


Considering your posting history, to think you are one of the ones that should be dating withing a year is completely delusional.
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Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postby RC611V » Thu Sep 07, 2017 5:37 pm

Anybody want some case studies on multiple relationships, PM me.

I even used to be Mormon.
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Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postby Havalu7 » Thu Sep 07, 2017 7:49 pm

Where is Lenny?

Maybe he started dating too now and found a Sizzlean Queen!

Op one year is like the "don't move out - get the digital voice recorder" standard answer.

Tolerate foolish opinions at your own peril. Don't be the guy that did not follow those three basics and come back here like many-O-fools saying with your tail between your legs saying in a Davey and Goliath dog voice "Well I guess you guys were right and Ragnar was high".

Have we beat this horse to death yet?
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Re: Post divorce dating

Unread postby whatever_works » Thu Sep 07, 2017 9:13 pm

Trevor,

I am surprised you read the whole post and posted a logical reply. I stopped reading at the second paragraph at "I'll never fail at marriage again" :-)
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