My ex uses my Mother to watch the kids overnights

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My ex uses my Mother to watch the kids overnights

Unread postby Prezzy » Thu Jan 12, 2017 6:44 pm

Hey everyone,

Need some input here.

Divorce finalized for a few years. We have an very unique parenting plan due to the fact that we both work weird hours(medical and retail profession) anyways, it has worked out pretty well overall. Kids are 10 and 6 doing well in school etc.

Ever since my sons were little my Mom would watch them on Mondays due to us working. She loves them and they enjoyed it there. At some point while we were separated the ex began dropping the kids off to her on Sunday nights because she said she worked early Monday.(actually wanted time with bf) I was stuck in work until around 11pm on Sundays so I could not really get them just to drop them back off to my mom's on Monday morning.

Now fast forward a few years and this went from every so often to every single night. This is a night she gets credit for and she sometimes drops them off unfed and needing baths etc. I know they are in great hands with my mom, but I am concerned with the idea of this being a 3 household parent plan. I am getting to be in a place where I can offer to take them from the ex on Sunday nights but I'm pretty sure she will just leave them with her bf rather than give to me.

The other issue is that I floated this by my Mom and she became upset that I would "take away" the kids from her. So now my Mom is upset with me because she feels she deserves to have them one night and day a week. This is an issue my ex created as I never give up my nights.

I feel like it makes sense should we go back to court that I can show that she doesn't fulfill her nights.

The other factor is that I've been dating a girl for several years who is integrated into our family and we all live together. The kids love her and she loves them. She is a registered nurse and has a schedule that allows for her to be off on Mondays and has offered to keep the kids on Mondays(take to school pick up etc) while I'm at work to provide a more stable 2 - home environment. Then I could attempt to get them every Sunday night.

My thought is that I am their father and need to do whatever I can to maximize my time with them. Any thoughts?
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Re: My ex uses my Mother to watch the kids overnights

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Jan 12, 2017 6:50 pm

Your problem is with your own mother.
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Re: My ex uses my Mother to watch the kids overnights

Unread postby Prezzy » Thu Jan 12, 2017 6:59 pm

True, I guess we created this problem on our own while still married. She has always been a huge help but my ex started taking advantage of it.

So do I just attempt to take on the Sunday nights and Mondays internally with help from girlfriend or not disrupt the routine?? Switching the kids between 3 overnight households seems like overkill.
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Re: My ex uses my Mother to watch the kids overnights

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:02 pm

What I would do is motion the court for that night that she has been forfiting all this time.

Your mom could still have that night if the kids love it and you are ok with it.
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Re: My ex uses my Mother to watch the kids overnights

Unread postby RC411V » Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:19 pm

What is parenting time split now, is it equal between you?

Unless there is a dramatic difference, I don't see the court being the way to try to remedy it. I mean, if you were only on paper having every other weekend, 20%, and wanted to get more, the court would be good.

If you are at 50/50 and your mom is basically a joint babysitter between you... you are just using a mutual child care option.

But yeah, your mom freakin' out about the possession of the kids is kinda crappy.
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Re: My ex uses my Mother to watch the kids overnights

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:36 pm

It would be 4 more overnights a month more than he has now, that is quit a bit over a year's time.
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Re: My ex uses my Mother to watch the kids overnights

Unread postby Prezzy » Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:42 pm

RC411V wrote:What is parenting time split now, is it equal between you?

Unless there is a dramatic difference, I don't see the court being the way to try to remedy it. I mean, if you were only on paper having every other weekend, 20%, and wanted to get more, the court would be good.

If you are at 50/50 and your mom is basically a joint babysitter between you... you are just using a mutual child care option.

But yeah, your mom freakin' out about the possession of the kids is kinda crappy.


I have every Friday, Saturday, Monday and I have them Tuesdays until about 7:30pm. She has Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday overnight. My mom has them Sunday nights.
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Re: My ex uses my Mother to watch the kids overnights

Unread postby afc » Fri Jan 13, 2017 2:45 pm

If you have a good deal going on and have 50/50 time and the relationship is cordial, then why do you want to "get" more time?

Your ex could just not use your mom or you on Sunday night or just not use you at all for watching the kids. She could just use the teenager down the street or her boyfriend.

How much of this is a real problem and how much of it is you wanting to get your girlfriend into a bigger role in your family?
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Re: My ex uses my Mother to watch the kids overnights

Unread postby newman » Fri Jan 13, 2017 3:17 pm

Who is supposed to have the kids on Sunday night? Is your mother having them on Sundays part of the agreed custody plan in the final decree?
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Re: My ex uses my Mother to watch the kids overnights

Unread postby RC411V » Fri Jan 13, 2017 7:10 pm

I like when my mom has my kids better than when they're with my ex, I worry less, then never call me and say they're hungry amd left home alone and don't know where mom went.

It isn't always about going to court to get more time.
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