Ex is Moving Back!

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Ex is Moving Back!

Unread postby ForumVenter 1 » Thu Jan 12, 2017 1:32 pm

Though many know what I went through, here's a quick refresher of my deal:

Almost 2yrs since things were final. I am in OH and am the Residential Parent of D6 during the school year. Ex lives in MO and gets D a majority of the summer and time during Holiday breaks. No CS, but Ex has to pay half for any extra-curricular things and half of Med/Dental bills over $100. Having CS would help me out a bit, but I am getting by okay without it.

Through OFW, Ex let me know she is moving back to OH possibly over the summer (along with husband, baby and another baby on the way). She said to let her know if I have any thoughts. I just replied "That's great news! Obviously, we'll need to restructure the parenting plan. But we can discuss that as things progress."

It is great news for my daughters sake. Though, her moving back will kind of upset the apple cart. Assuming she moves close to my town, what type of parenting plan should I propose? My local County standard plan is Weds evenings, every other weekend and then alternate every 2wks in the summer?

Prior to her moving, we followed a 2-2-3 schedule on our own. Going back and forth so frequent and often wasn''t always the best, but it worked. Though school wasn't a factor then. Now that D is in school, I'm not sure if that same schedule would work. I want to be fair, but I want D to have a nice routine during the school week.

Also, I am hesitant in moving to a 50/50 type plan share. Knowing Ex and what all could be behind the decision to move back here, I'd like to keep the parenting time status quo very much in my favor should court come up again for whatever reason. And after 2yrs of litigation and still paying on my near $100k lawyer debt, should I seek CS at this time? The reason for courts involvement was because of her decision to move to MO. She filed bankruptcy and didn't pay her lawyers. So it feels like I just funded her little venture to live back in MO for a few years. Getting CS could assist me in paying those bills. Any thoughts?
OH - Residential parent of D after a long distance move by Ex. If your child(ren) aren't a priority, you will have no chance at gaining custody.
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Re: Ex is Moving Back!

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Jan 12, 2017 1:42 pm

1. Not sure why you felt the need to share your thoughts with her, especially about changing parenting time.
2. The child is 6, and if the mother has been a good and decent long-distance parent, why not 7/7?
3. Since you're hesitant based on what you know about her, you can do a step-up plan from whatever is the present ration (or its local parenting plan equivalent), though it would likely cost more to get that established, assuming her objection.
4. Yes, seek CS, positively. Both parents are obliged to support the child.
5. But CS is for the kid, not to repay you for anything from the past. Get your head right.
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Re: Ex is Moving Back!

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Thu Jan 12, 2017 2:04 pm

Primary parent + child support are two sides of the same coin. If you are primary but receive no court-ordered CS, you only have half custody. Sounds strange, I know. But it's true. You need to have both.

Before she moves get CS locked in. Contact Support Enforcement. They handle everything.

Is NJ a SAHM?? Does she have a job??

If she's not working, you'll need to have her income imputed. To do that, you'll need to go back to court. The longer you wait, the less will be imputed.

The time to formulate a game plan is now. The time to make your move is well in advance of her move. Because once she gets back to your town, she'll have every opportunity to file for 50/50 - and if she's a SAHM, primary parent. Keep in mind, she will likely use the sibling argument.

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Re: Ex is Moving Back!

Unread postby steelmark » Thu Jan 12, 2017 2:55 pm

You may not have to do anything....I know we advocate here for equal access, but you should know as you consider moving forward that just because mom is moving, it doesn't automatically mean she gets a modification in Ohio.

I'm hunting down the Ohio appeals case where a mother moved back and was denied a modification. The court said the move was a change in the mothers circumstances, not the childs.

I'm absolutely not saying mom shouldn't be with your daughter, but the way the court of appeals saw the move back in Ohio, you can retain some leverage.

I'll link it when I find it.
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Re: Ex is Moving Back!

Unread postby steelmark » Thu Jan 12, 2017 3:14 pm

http://cases.justia.com/ohio/eighth-dis ... 1396138715

I came across this while researching what constitutes change of circumstances in Ohio. My EX was trying to bury made up change of circumstances in my decree that would switch up my residential parent for school purposes designation.

Its good that your EX is moving to be closer to your daughter, but your case is eerily similar to the one I linked...modification is not automatic according to the court of appeals who heard the above case in Ohio.

I was surprised when I read the case linked, I would have assumed a court would grant some custody to a returning parent, but they basically said that the mother made a poor choice by moving and will have to live with it.
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Re: Ex is Moving Back!

Unread postby ForumVenter 1 » Fri Jan 13, 2017 8:19 am

I may be screwed here...

Buried within our entry is as follows:

4. Relocalion of either party to the locale of the other. Should the parents reside in the same school district or within a thirty (30) minutes commute to the child's school in the future, assuming suitable residences, the regular parenting time schedule would be divided equally between the parties as follows:
a). the child being with Father from Monday after school until Wednesday after school each week;
b). the child being with Mother from Wednesday after school until Friday after school each week; and
c ). the parties alternating weekends with the minor child from Friday after school until Monday after school, plus holiday time. If parents live in close proximity (within 90 miles, but not in the same district, or not within thirty (30) minutes commute to Childs school), parenting time for the parent who is not the school placement parent would be Wednesday evenings and every other weekend, plus holiday and summer parenting time in accordance with Local Rule 17.

Am I stuck? Or with this being said 2yrs ago, do I have grounds to argue that it is not an ideal schedule for a school aged child? And a more consistent routine should be put in place. This was something I put in my settlement plan (along with no CS) prior to the entry, assuming Ex would move back here if she lost and to give me a leg to stand on, if I lost. Judge rubber stamped it and overlooked my reasoning on certain things. But 2yrs later, Ex moving back rocks the boat. I know it's only 1st grade, but D is excelling in school. People (children mainly) typically benefit when there is a consistent routine.

My fear is (knowing her) that with her being a SAHM, once we get on a 50/50 plan, she will then manipulate D into wanting to stay with her more often. And then Ex will seek CS. It has already started during their phone conversations. Ex: D doesn't always want to ride the bus, so Ex told her last night that when she moves back, she will take her to school and pick her up every day.

Just trying to be pro-active here.
OH - Residential parent of D after a long distance move by Ex. If your child(ren) aren't a priority, you will have no chance at gaining custody.
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Re: Ex is Moving Back!

Unread postby ForumVenter 1 » Fri Jan 13, 2017 8:33 am

And in regards to filing for CS now, don't I need some sort of grounds for filing now? Or I've read on here, and other places, that you should wait at least 3yrs before trying to change things.
OH - Residential parent of D after a long distance move by Ex. If your child(ren) aren't a priority, you will have no chance at gaining custody.
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Re: Ex is Moving Back!

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Jan 13, 2017 8:49 am

I suggest you take a deep breath.

When you hint at using school routine to exclude the other parent, you have entered malicious keep-away territory. Your motives appear to be self-centered and for your own comfort, not the interests of the child.

There is a dynamic between you and the mother that has to change, you two have fought over this child long enough. Do you see any benefit to the mother returning?
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Re: Ex is Moving Back!

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Fri Jan 13, 2017 9:04 am

I agree with Bart.

do I have grounds to argue that it is not an ideal schedule for a school aged child?


The court isnt in the business of enforcing ideal situations. Consider this:

D doesn't always want to ride the bus, so Ex told her last night that when she moves back, she will take her to school and pick her up every day.


Is it better for young D to ride unseatbelted and barely supervised on a school bus, with older kids and brats teaching her unspeakable things or for her to ride secured into her seat right behind mommy?

Attempting to force a rigid routine over the other parents access is keepaway parenting. It's ugly.
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Re: Ex is Moving Back!

Unread postby madalex » Fri Jan 13, 2017 9:13 am

ForumVenter wrote:Or with this being said 2yrs ago, do I have grounds to argue that it is not an ideal schedule for a school aged child? And a more consistent routine should be put in place.


As long as the schedule is followed every week, this is a completely consistent routine. Just because there is a mid-week transition from Dad to Mom doesn't make this an inconsistent routine. Unless, you concerns about a "consistent routine" are really just a smokescreen for arguing that child should be kept away from mom and be with you all week.
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