New guy

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New guy

Unread postby Homer Simpson » Tue Jan 10, 2017 3:46 pm

Ok, brief history. 6 years ago I had an affair. My wife found out about it, I ended the affair, we worked on us and I thought everything was going OK. A year ago she tells me she isn't sure where we are going, etc. She filed for D it was final last Sept. She originally was from the St. Louis area, and wanted to move closer to her family. I didn't want to fight during the D, so I said I would move as well to stay close to the kids. So I found a job, moved down we got the house sold, etc. My ex and I live about 20 minutes from each other now. All is well with the ex, for that I am grateful. The house we were living in, in Michigan had been in my family for over 50 years. It's the house I grew up in. So after moving I have no friends or family close by. With what I pay in child support I don't really have any spare cash. In fact I'm hoping to start a second part time job to have some spending money.

I've dated a couple ladies, one turned out not pleasant. The other I thought we had something, and that went south out of nowhere. She had been dating guys that were < Holes > by the sounds of it, so when I was telling her she looked nice, buying dinner, it was all new for her. I think she got scared and didn't know how to handle being treated like she should've been all along. She has since told me I was clingy, needy, etc. I can see how it may appear that way. I have no one else here so what do you expect? The other part of this equation is I have my kids half the time, so when neither of us had kids yes I wanted to see her. This was usually every other Wednesday, and every other Sunday afternoon.

So I guess when two people have kids schedules to work around, resulting in a few times to see each other what else can you do? We texted and talked a lot. It wasn't one sided either.

I have since met another lady and she is terrific. She has kids as well and I don't want the same thing to happen again. Any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks
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Re: New guy

Unread postby hoot74 » Tue Jan 10, 2017 3:50 pm

Homer Simpson wrote:Any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks

OP, if that is your real name, please change it through the control panel. This is standard advice that we give to newbies.
Last edited by hoot74 on Tue Jan 10, 2017 3:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: New guy

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Tue Jan 10, 2017 3:52 pm

Umm
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Re: New guy

Unread postby Started Over » Tue Jan 10, 2017 3:56 pm

Don't date until you don't need to date to be happy.
People who live their lives watching only the rearview mirror tend to crash their cars. - Trevor
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Re: New guy

Unread postby BartSimpson » Tue Jan 10, 2017 4:14 pm

Hello,

This isn't a dating forum. This is a divorce forum. There are thousands of dating forums from which you can seek advice, but this one doesn't handle the topic well - it causes trouble between members.

Thank you in advance for understanding.
Volenti non fit injuria
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Re: New guy

Unread postby RC411V » Tue Jan 10, 2017 4:36 pm

You want suggestions on making sure this new girl works out in the long term?

Don't get married, don't introduce her to your kids, don't let you kids' mom know you're dating anybody, don't meet her kids, don't spend any money on her, treat her like you don't care much about her so she'll keep begging you for more, only answer when she begs you for attention but otherwise ignore her.

You'll have her following you around for a long time.
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Re: New guy

Unread postby RC411V » Tue Jan 10, 2017 4:51 pm

So this is no joke. I recently hung out with a chick like you are describing. She just wanted some quick action of one type or another.

I kinda wanted her to leave me alone. And I had a great idea.

I now respond asking only about her kids whenever she texts me.

I ask how they are, say 'We should get our kids together! They can come spend the night with my kids! You can go out to a club on your own! Let me know if you want a free night, I'll watch the kids!'.

< feces > like that, I basically treat her like I'm trying to get her to spend time with Mr Wonderful. She doesn't know what to think. It is awesome. She tries to get me to come over... to... you know... and I offer to babysit. She just runs away and I didn't have to dump her. Great stuff.
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Re: New guy

Unread postby Outis » Tue Jan 10, 2017 4:53 pm

Image
What am I to do with all this silence
Shy away, shy away phantom
Run away terrified child
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Re: New guy

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Tue Jan 10, 2017 5:03 pm

RC nailed it
I type butter on mah phon
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Re: New guy

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Tue Jan 10, 2017 8:05 pm

Homer Simpson wrote:Ok, brief history. 6 years ago I had an affair. My wife found out about it, I ended the affair, we worked on us and I thought everything was going OK. A year ago she tells me she isn't sure where we are going, etc. She filed for D it was final last Sept. She originally was from the St. Louis area, and wanted to move closer to her family. I didn't want to fight during the D, so I said I would move as well to stay close to the kids. So I found a job, moved down we got the house sold, etc. My ex and I live about 20 minutes from each other now. All is well with the ex, for that I am grateful. The house we were living in, in Michigan had been in my family for over 50 years. It's the house I grew up in. So after moving I have no friends or family close by. With what I pay in child support I don't really have any spare cash. In fact I'm hoping to start a second part time job to have some spending money.

I've dated a couple ladies, one turned out not pleasant. The other I thought we had something, and that went south out of nowhere. She had been dating guys that were < Holes > by the sounds of it, so when I was telling her she looked nice, buying dinner, it was all new for her. I think she got scared and didn't know how to handle being treated like she should've been all along. She has since told me I was clingy, needy, etc. I can see how it may appear that way. I have no one else here so what do you expect? The other part of this equation is I have my kids half the time, so when neither of us had kids yes I wanted to see her. This was usually every other Wednesday, and every other Sunday afternoon.

So I guess when two people have kids schedules to work around, resulting in a few times to see each other what else can you do? We texted and talked a lot. It wasn't one sided either.

I have since met another lady and she is terrific. She has kids as well and I don't want the same thing to happen again. Any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks
Which state did she file??.....in MI??.....or MO?? When it comes to post-majority child support, there's a difference.

Michigan
Termination of support at 18, but may be ordered until 19 1/2 for completion of high school or beyond by agreement
No statute or case law holding parents to a duty to college support in the absence of an agreement.

Missouri
Termination of support at 18; or upon graduation from high school or age 21, whichever occurs first; if child enrolled in vocational school or college, to 22
Mo. R. Civ. Pro. 88.01; Mo. Rev. Stat. § 452.340.5 provides that if the child is enrolled in an institution of higher education, the parental support obligation shall continue until the child completes his education or until the child reaches the age of 22, whichever occurs first.

Homer Simpson wrote:.....I have my kids half the time.....
Does this mean you have a court-ordered parenting plan for 50/50??

Q's: Who is primary parent?? Who has final say?? How old are your kids??

Tom
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