Am I mental?

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Am I mental?

Unread postby ragnar » Tue Jan 03, 2017 11:11 am

I need to give a background.

My father was widowed. My mom was never married. My dad had a son from his marriage. When his wife died, he started dating my mom relatively soon. He realized that he needed a mother for my step brother. They dated, got married and had a wonderful life.

I ma in a divorce and I have a S12 that has a horrible social life. Is it strange for me to want to get out there sooner than I should and date women with other sons of similar age? I already notice that I prefer the idea of dating a woman with a son near my sons age. And I would strongly consider breaking the 1 year rule if I bumped into a woman that has a S12 or similar.

Tell me I am an idiot. I can take it. But it is probably the only way I would date before 1 year. I do want to date now but to be frank, it will be a no commitment thing. And I will be up front with women that I am not looking for a marriage and will not marry them. I just want someone to spend time with and want an open relationship.
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Tue Jan 03, 2017 11:19 am

Just for the sake of argument, what if your kid doesnt like her kid?
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby afc » Tue Jan 03, 2017 11:20 am

You should help your child learn the skills of making friends on his own.

You wont be able to date women with age appropriate playmates for him forever.
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby FlyGuySLO » Tue Jan 03, 2017 11:25 am

You said we could tell you you're an idiot, but I won't. I will say that you are understandably in a tough spot on all fronts and mixing up all the issues in a blender which makes it a big ball of confusing doo-doo.

I see you've been around for a while but I didn't read any of your other posts, I'm just commenting on this one.

If your son is struggling socially and emotionally I can't say what the best way to help him is, but I do know that the WORST idea is to date someone so he has a "buddy - step brother".

1. Talk to your son and see if you can get him to let you in and share what's going on. Share with him that you also have troubles and tough times, but those times pass and there's always a solution.
2. Get him involved in some activities like sports, music, theater, debate, or whatever. Maybe you could participate from a distance if that'd help (coaching, driving, support, etc).
3. Get your divorce over and done with, stabilize your life, make sure your relationship with your kid is solid, and only then should you consider dating.

Your heart is in a good place but your emotions are clouding your judgement. Don't worry - we've all been there.
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby ragnar » Tue Jan 03, 2017 11:27 am

afc wrote:You should help your child learn the skills of making friends on his own.

You wont be able to date women with age appropriate playmates for him forever.



A: Oh, we have. He gets along well with kids his age. It wasn't always like that. But all his friends are outer circle friends. He has literally no inner circle friends. He has 3 friends that are not quite inner circle friends but more than the typical outer circle friends. My other option is to intentionally move into a neighborhood where one of his 3 friends that do have occasional play dates live. Sick but I feel that I have to do this for the sake of my sons happiness.

B: true
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby ragnar » Tue Jan 03, 2017 11:31 am

FlyGuySLO wrote:You said we could tell you you're an idiot, but I won't. I will say that you are understandably in a tough spot on all fronts and mixing up all the issues in a blender which makes it a big ball of confusing doo-doo.

I see you've been around for a while but I didn't read any of your other posts, I'm just commenting on this one.

If your son is struggling socially and emotionally I can't say what the best way to help him is, but I do know that the WORST idea is to date someone so he has a "buddy - step brother".

1. Talk to your son and see if you can get him to let you in and share what's going on. Share with him that you also have troubles and tough times, but those times pass and there's always a solution.
2. Get him involved in some activities like sports, music, theater, debate, or whatever. Maybe you could participate from a distance if that'd help (coaching, driving, support, etc).
3. Get your divorce over and done with, stabilize your life, make sure your relationship with your kid is solid, and only then should you consider dating.

Your heart is in a good place but your emotions are clouding your judgement. Don't worry - we've all been there.


1) I talk about his emotions sometimes but have to avoid it. Friendships he has are a topic I have to avoid because it is clear that he has issues maintaining inner circle friends. He knows it, I know it, NJ knows it. No reason to remind him. He also does not like to talk about the divorce. He has told me the divorce has ruined his life. When he said that I said I love you and I had to turn and walk away because I was instantly in a ball of tears. I told my NJ STBX this and she could care less. Or atleast she was non responsive about it. The only thing he had going for him was family and now that is gone.

2) He hates team sports but enjoys individual sports like Tennis. He also wants to do golf. I'll support anything he wants to do.

3) Yup. I am pretty sure that dating is off the shelf until the house is sold, I am stable in a new home and the divorce is final. If I bump into someone that seems to be right, I don't want to pass it up. That's probably a mental block of mine that others have had to.
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby Trevor » Tue Jan 03, 2017 11:33 am

No friends at school? Sports? Chess club? Band?
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Tue Jan 03, 2017 12:24 pm

You are at a weak point, you want a relationship for you and using your son for the excuse.

IMO
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Tue Jan 03, 2017 12:29 pm

You should start hanging around strip clubs - lot's of younger single women with kids the same age as yours.

There, problem solved.
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby Havalu7 » Tue Jan 03, 2017 12:30 pm

Yes on the Tennis Team. If he can get good as I did; Junior College Tennis scholarships????

I always wanted to move back to California and play tennis for Pepperdine and got in a we spot of trouble with the let say the 'local authorities" and it changed my life plans. But tennis is a game you and your kids can play almost as long as golf in to your retirement. Plus the social networking and availability to play year round in warm climates and indoors if you are good or have enough funds.

You are not mental but the jest of most of your posts is/are dating. Like a British woman I was briefly dating, before being married BTW, always said to me in her cockney accent "Back to surfing. Always back to surfing!" Well here is my cockney accent "Ragnar back to dating. Always back to dating".

Well at least you are focusing on your kid and not dating in the later part of this thread. Just saying.. .not mental just dating focused.
And dude I am speaking to myself too; let it happen don't look for it. No one is saying that when you are at the roller rink that you won't meet the Roller Derby Queen from heaven. Just don't go about your life with the purpose of "trying" to find someone.

Let it happen bro. Like I said I am applying this to myself after wasting 20 valuable minutes of my last holiday day today on Snatch.

Oh my twenty minutes of my life I will never get back looking at women I will more than likely never even speak too.

Last edit as I see LFO2 has posted a great comment of "in his humble opinion". Yep I agree with that too. But Ragnar we are human and don't beat yourself up.
Lets make a pact between you and I today. Let's you and I today not spend any more time thinking about dating ok?
Pinky swear?
"No." is a complete sentence.

Do not move out of your house.
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