Am I mental?

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby Anything4Her » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:55 am

1. Let's recap. Your son has trouble socially, making and maintaining close friendships. He is hurting from the divorce.
2. You are inexperienced in relationships, the only one over 3 months is your ex-wife.

Your solution to your son's problem is to date a women with kids close to his age.

Are you out of your mind?

I just deleted a long post detailing the myriad ways this is a bad idea.

Don't.

-a4h
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby ragnar » Thu Jan 05, 2017 5:36 pm

afc wrote:So a woman talks to you one time in a group setting in an interest to date and she's deemed a potential stalker?

Unless there is some key info you are leaving out, you might have an over inflated view of attactiveness.

Are their boiled bunny threats you are leaving out?


Appearing at an event in another group entirely that I previously added myself to an event for? Yup.

I talked to her for maybe 20-30 minutes. It wasn't talking like you would to a friend you just made. It was pretty much a sales pitch followed by asking me out on a date. I can' recall the whole conversation but it was just how it went. Maybe stalker is overbearing. Potentially following me to events, maybe. OK .... I don't know. That is the bottom line that my shrink would tell me ... "I don't know that".

I get it .... I like hiking. She likes hiking. She is showing up at a hike I signed up for previously. It could be coincidence.
Last edited by ragnar on Thu Jan 05, 2017 5:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby ragnar » Thu Jan 05, 2017 5:37 pm

Anything4Her wrote:1. Let's recap. Your son has trouble socially, making and maintaining close friendships. He is hurting from the divorce.
2. You are inexperienced in relationships, the only one over 3 months is your ex-wife.

Your solution to your son's problem is to date a women with kids close to his age.

Are you out of your mind?

I just deleted a long post detailing the myriad ways this is a bad idea.

Don't.

-a4h


I read a few recent threads that popped up. I get it now. I am not going to date anyone for a while. And a new step mom for my kids is not going to happen anytime soon.

Myriad not needed. I get it. It takes time to get through the grieving process. I guess this is what is called acceptance.
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby Outis » Thu Jan 05, 2017 5:43 pm

Grieving process? Who died?
What am I to do with all this silence
Shy away, shy away phantom
Run away terrified child
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby ragnar » Thu Jan 05, 2017 5:45 pm

Havalu7 wrote:Lets make a pact between you and I today. Let's you and I today not spend any more time thinking about dating ok?
Pinky swear?


Fine, I swear!!!!
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby Chasbo » Thu Jan 05, 2017 5:54 pm

So my advice is a little different from the party line.

I dated from the very beginning. But very discretely. I was ready to cut the line for anything or nothing. Kids came first by a mile. Then making sure ex was stabilized.

I introduced a woman to my kids a few months ago for the first time. I knew it wasn't going to work. And it didn't. But after 4 years I wanted my kids to see their dad with another woman. A bit of a pre-planned disaster to acclimate my ex and my kids to me having a girlfriend.

Now I am seriously dating a separated mother of 2 kids. Basically committing adultery and getting involved in a seemingly bad situation. I could justify it and I think people even here would understand.

So I think my point is, is life is complex and situations are complex. You have to go down a few wrong paths to find the right path.

My frame of reference is that I put my kids first and then her kids. I take things slow and am careful about what I commit to. I should have the experience and knowledge to avoid the common pitfalls.

So asking for advice here or anywhere will get you the best practice in most common situations. You need to have the ability to judge your own situation.

Having said that, screwing a woman specifically so that your son can get a friend is at the least incredibly weird☺️
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby Chaos » Thu Jan 05, 2017 6:00 pm

Having said that, screwing a woman specifically so that your son can get a friend is at the least incredibly weird


When you put it like that, yeah, it's mental.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby ragnar » Fri Jan 06, 2017 11:11 am

Outis wrote:Grieving process? Who died?


People here keep saying this and need to stop. The marriage died. Grief occurs over more than just people dieing.
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Jan 06, 2017 11:15 am

Are you close to your step-brother?
Volenti non fit injuria
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Re: Am I mental?

Unread postby afc » Fri Jan 06, 2017 11:19 am

It's not healthy to regard the marriage as a thing that can die. Die is such a loaded word and should really only be used for formerly biologically living things in order to keep perspective.

No wonder you have this feeling deep down that you need to replace the marriage fairly soon with another relationship. It's the same feeling pet owners have when their old beloved dog dies.

The marriage was not a thing with its own life. It was a partnership and the partnership as it was dissolved and a new kind of partnership is replacing it.
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