NJ still a NJ

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: NJ still a NJ

Unread postby tuco » Thu Dec 22, 2016 9:04 am

It's been about 4 months since divorce.
She was ordered to pay me child support and quite a large amount of money. She was supposed to make several payments. She did not pay the first payment or child support. They put her in jail for contempt,non payment. She was out the next day. So she payed the first payment and child support. But now she is late on second payment and child support. I'm sure what she is trying to do is discredit me so she can somehow get out of paying the payments she owes. She will deny that the guy who I payed the money to is her boyfriend. She is quite a convincing liar.
tuco
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2016 10:57 pm

Re: NJ still a NJ

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Dec 22, 2016 9:12 am

Don't worry about it. It's the criminal mind to make a strawman argument to avoid penalty from some other action.

While I am not clear on the legal process she is attempting, I would move to dismiss it.

Judges have tricks. You must remember that your Judge has been in that Courtroom for the last 20 or 30 years, as an attorney or on the bench. Do you think our legal system is so fragile that a good liar could beat it?
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 26855
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: NJ still a NJ

Unread postby tuco » Thu Dec 22, 2016 10:57 am

Bart, thank you.
I can't help but worry about all her lies. I really wish she would move on and leave me alone. She has had several boyfriends since our separation. Heck, she even had boyfriends before we separated. Why can't they just move on?
tuco
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2016 10:57 pm

Re: NJ still a NJ

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Dec 22, 2016 11:13 am

You might reconsider your belief that other people simply move on. If you dispute that, because it means you rely on that other person to do something, and replace it with a more effective belief - you need to create a super strong boundary - then you will be using rational thinking to address the problem.

For some, the nature of their personality is to be entangled any way they can, good or bad. This is particularly true in someone like the mother due to her compulsive behaviors using drugs and alcohol. This episode amounts to throwing rocks at you - do you throw rocks back or do you build a wall?

Because of your daughter, you two are going to have a relationship until somebody dies. My suggestion is to aim high in steering; create a strict perimeter around yourself to insulate you from these crazy efforts to remain entangled. We can talk about how to do that if you wish.

Worry less about her using the system. The people of the Great State of Georgia are damn smart and really expect their Courts to be even smarter - The Georgia Bench does not like liars, and knows one when they see one. Just the experience you have had to date - the mother promptly jailed until she purged the child support arrears - shows the progressive and focused Courts you have on your side.

You're doing fine, Daddio. You have a huge responsibility being the parent your daughter can depend on, but you are obviously capable and it gets easier.

Hope you'll stop by on Christmas Eve or Day to say hello at our party - it's going to be fun!
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=78241
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 26855
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: NJ still a NJ

Unread postby tuco » Thu Dec 22, 2016 9:06 pm

Bart, how can I build this wall? What do you suggest?
tuco
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2016 10:57 pm

Re: NJ still a NJ

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Dec 22, 2016 9:11 pm

Here are my standard questions, some may not apply to you:

Who do you have contact with that has contact with the mother (besides your daughter)?
Do you use any form of social media - Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, whatever the lastest?
How do you communicate with the mother - in person, phone, text, email?
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 26855
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: NJ still a NJ

Unread postby tuco » Thu Dec 22, 2016 10:52 pm

I can't think of anyone that I associate with that talks to my ex. Maybe a mother or two from school who may know my ex. I only say hello to them sometimes to be polite. I'm a loner, always have been. I've never been a very social person. I've always just spent time with my wife and daughter. Not much for friends.

I have a Facebook account but I don't post on it. I just get on there to see what others are doing.

I don't communicate very much with ex. I have her number blocked. No talking at all. She sends email and text. I did respond and argue with her quite a lot up until a few months ago when divorce was final. After that I very, very seldom respond to her at all. I may respond to one out of a hundred emails. All her emails are just lies. They do make me very angry. I would block her email but it gives me more evidence to use against her.
tuco
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2016 10:57 pm

Re: NJ still a NJ

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Dec 23, 2016 10:18 am

Good answers.

The perimeter you create is based on your own behaviors, and not that of others.

1. Two Degrees of Separation; be polite, but do not have contact with anyone who has contact with the mother (except your kid, obviously). It should include those parents at the school, as well as businesses - the banker, the butcher, the baker, the friendly clerk in the store. If they talk to the mother, you don't talk to them. The purpose of this is to stop any back-channel communications, no matter how innocent.

2. Get off Facebook; it's a giant role-playing gossip game in which women excel and enjoy. You are not seeing what other's are doing, you are seeing the spin they put on their activities. There are secondary elements of information available, such as your "friends" that become sources of information about you. The Facebook phenomenon is called "looking at the facts through a keyhole" - a tiny fragment of information in a post, or a photo, becomes the basis for a construct of an entire scenario by the person peeking through the keyhole. You cannot block someone effectively if they want access, so don't think that's a solution. Disable your account, see if you can live without it, then please consider just deleting it - you will never regret it.

3. Force communication to email only; nothing in-person, no phone calls, no texting. There is a dependence on texting with your generation, but it does not serve well as evidence in the Courts, and it has a much higher rate of noise to signal. Initially, we suggest you respond to any future text with a fake message we call Error 23: Put a pre-written note in your phone and reply to the mother with it;

"Error 23: Message undeliverable, sender blocked by receiver"

Sure, it's fake - but the mother won't know that and it socially engineers her to email. Keep in mind that your phone is your personal and private property, and the mother has no legal right to demand certain services be made available to her - particularly when she has a history of abusing those services. The Judge is not going to bat an eye at your blocking her, since you provide the email avenue which is equally timely on a smart phone. Don't ever accept "in case of emergency", because it doesn't matter. If the mother doesn't fall for the Error 23, then block her from texting.

One more thing very necessary for you to build your wall - stop using NJ. That pejorative evolved here as a compromise when members were using much worse, like words that rhyme with itch. But it's actually most damaging to yourself - and your daughter - when you use it. It is a clear indication that the mother is getting too much space, rent-free, in your head. Give the NJ a rest, refer to her as the mother, or the Ex, but move yourself to a place where you DGAF enough to call her petty names. Would you call your daughter a NJ - it's half her DNA.

Ask any questions about these items, we're happy to help you build those boundaries.
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 26855
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: NJ still a NJ

Unread postby big guy » Fri Dec 23, 2016 11:40 am

Doint the two degrees of separation thing may be impossible. In that case you must be quiet and not criticize your ex. Live a clean life and don't worry about looking over your shoulder. Be happy.

I live in a place where literally a 1000+ people know the two of us with maybe a few hundred may have contact with one of us throughout the year. Best thing for me is that she lives 3 hours away. Bad thing is that she is friends with the gal across the street and the parents of my daughter's classmates. I have FB but rarely post anything. I use it to communication with my peers on creative professional groups
big guy
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1372
Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2013 8:12 am

Re: NJ still a NJ

Unread postby Havalu7 » Fri Dec 23, 2016 11:50 am

Big Guy you won't miss it a bit. Move over to some of the other methods of keeping up with your professional peers that follow that rule of seperation. Just make sure you have the emails of those you do want to communicate with that you currently only have their FB PM (if they meet the seperation requirement).

Make sense?

Spend more time shoveling the gravel here brudda.
"No." is a complete sentence.

Do not move out of your house.
User avatar
Havalu7
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1735
Joined: Wed Jan 27, 2016 10:43 am

PreviousNext

Return to After The Divorce is Final – Moving On

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot], nr552, ScaredNConfused and 4 guests