Christmas is coming but this gander is not getting fat!

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: Christmas is coming but this gander is not getting fat!

Unread postby GarySeven » Thu Dec 28, 2017 2:02 pm

Here we are a year later. Because of her incessant BS I was able to bide my time and hold my temper until she insisted we return to mediation. The result was that I now have a total of 32 more days with him annually, (my weekends now start on Thursday afternoons after school lets out) and I have less child support to pay. I also have less contact with her which pleases me to no end. I just came off of my most glorious "12 days of Christmas" since I was married. We really had a chance to bond and make some memories and I was also able to avoid the trap that she was trying to set by having a transition (from my house to her boyfriend's) on Christmas day. During the aforementioned mediation I insisted that the transition not take place on Christmas day. That would have been the setting for a competition for who put on the best Christmas. The transition therefore took place on Boxing Day. I'm feeling very good about this. I'm trying to remember what happened with him for New Years Eve last year.
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Re: Christmas is coming but this gander is not getting fat!

Unread postby RC611V » Thu Dec 28, 2017 3:56 pm

I've been divorced since 2012, separated 3 years before that. I'm the numbskull of the forum but some of the very best things I've learned -

Exchanges take place at school, one parent drops off and the other picks up. Obviously in summertime it isn't the same option. But in general, exchanging in ways that you never really go to each others houses and never have to see each other is great. And school day exchanges is the best.

On Christmas, I take my kids for the weekend to a snowy place, the week before Christmas. They stay with their mom on Christmas. We plan the holiday exactly how we want, enjoy it fully, and they get two full Christmases with each parent and family. No switching in the middle, no wishing they could take or bring a new gift, nothing. Just Christmas in the best way it can be.

And on Christmas, I do whatever the phk I want. And mom thinks she got the better deal. It's awesome.

Anytime you can 'give' her something and she feels like she 'took' it from you, with any person who thinks that way - always a winner and a loser, never win-win - that is a good way to go.

This year I expanded it to Thanksgiving too. We had a feast the week before. I 'let' moms keep the kids on the fourth Thursday in November. Letting go of the significance of certain dates in the year is very liberating in general.

Breath easy.
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Re: Christmas is coming but this gander is not getting fat!

Unread postby GarySeven » Thu Dec 28, 2017 5:03 pm

Thanks to all of you...RC611V, No Flies On You! Power Move with the divesting of the date and investing of the significance of the bonding. I'm going to be more deliberate about the transitions too.

Now I want to meet with guys in a similar situation. I want to talk and get and give support. Maybe the admins could give me a back channel referral for groups in my area.
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Re: Christmas is coming but this gander is not getting fat!

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Dec 28, 2017 11:13 pm

start by engaging here, there are plenty like you that aren't as far along.
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Re: Christmas is coming but this gander is not getting fat!

Unread postby GarySeven » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:56 am

I'm really feeling good about having released most if not all of my anger. Dating again but I'm not going to parade a bunch of dates in front of my son. He remains sensitive and intelligent but he has developed some problems in school. Nevertheless he remains loving toward me and demonstrates enthusiasm whenever I pick him up from school. The lawyer who did our wills when we were married was her divorce lawyer. During the last mediation I informed my new attorney. She was astonished. Subsequently I registered a complaint with the bar association but they have not circle back around to inform me of the outcome of my complaint. I need to redo my will. What are your thoughts gentleman?
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Re: Christmas is coming but this gander is not getting fat!

Unread postby Havalu7 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 12:35 pm

G7 you have read the consensus here is to wait at least a year to begin dating AFTER the D is final to get to know your self and resestablish the relationship with your possibly hurt kids?

Have you not been reading about the wetclean up over on aisle #4?
Or maybe hour comment about not parading the "new princess" candidates around in front of the kids is our clue that you have only half way been following it.

Why not wait a year brother?
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Re: Christmas is coming but this gander is not getting fat!

Unread postby Chaos » Fri Dec 29, 2017 1:50 pm

GarySeven wrote:Here we are a year later.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
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Re: Christmas is coming but this gander is not getting fat!

Unread postby Havalu7 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 2:05 pm

Got it Chaos.

Looks like the complaint with the bar confused me as it looked ongoing.
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Re: Christmas is coming but this gander is not getting fat!

Unread postby GarySeven » Fri Dec 29, 2017 5:41 pm

Thanks for the assistance in clarification. On the weekends when he's not with me, I've resumed dating.
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Re: Christmas is coming but this gander is not getting fat!

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 9:56 pm

how long were you married before? Dating or just getting it in?
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