Order of Protection post divorce

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: Order of Protection post divorce

Unread postby Trevor » Mon Feb 06, 2017 3:59 pm

I will reiterate that EI is certainly something you can develop. Some of the authors I listed before have books that provide exercises and experiments for you to cultivate changed, productive behaviors. It's not like being able to dunk a basketball, or not. You can do this.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: Order of Protection post divorce

Unread postby visionelite » Mon Feb 27, 2017 2:56 pm

I am being advised by my lawyer to settle my case as the forensic recommends ex receive custody with me a visiting parent.

To say the least I am stunned and not sure where to go next with my case. If I settle I most likely will never have my oldest d back, and the youngest maybe a few times a week. I will pay max cs.

I feel I followed every rule and requirement since I had this top against me, no allegations proven, and yet nothing I do or say seems to make a difference in my case. Bottom line my oldest wants to stay with her mom, and there is nothing i can do about it.

Do i go to trial? I am told by my attorney it is my call but that i will most likely lose. It seems to late to switch attorneys and will look poorly.

Never thought this could happen...
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Re: Order of Protection post divorce

Unread postby visionelite » Fri Apr 28, 2017 10:02 am

I hope this forum can advise me now that I am a bit farther down the road on this case. I figure continuing this thread might be illustrative to others rather than starting a new one.

At this point, I had a psych eval that rec the mother receive full custody and me a visiting parent. Supervised visits until the court afcs feel it should be lifted. My oldest daughter (d12) does not want to come back nor will see me. I have been ordered to pay cs. My attorney advised the judge almost always agrees with the psych eval. I have attempted to settle providing her full custody with return of 50/50 of my youngest daughter (d7) who wishes to be with me. They refuse to even negotiate, sit down or communicate until i echo exactly what is in the psych eval.

At this point I have a evidentiary hearing (trial) set. I see no other recourse but to plead this all before the judge. Yet my own attorney advises that it will cost 1000s for nothing other than what is stated in the eval. They have amended their petition with more unfounded accusations and maligning of my character. They also want to extend this order of protection against me when there have been no changes in circumstances. Is there ever personal injury recourse in these matters or is it just a consideration of family court that whatever is said about you goes unpunished?

Any help appreciated.
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Re: Order of Protection post divorce

Unread postby a dad » Fri Apr 28, 2017 10:39 am

There aren't only two possibilities.

The world isn't black and white.
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Re: Order of Protection post divorce

Unread postby visionelite » Thu Aug 10, 2017 8:46 am

Continuing to chronicle and hope to not only provide an example but receive guidance.

In the middle of a trial which has lasted 5 odd days broken up to about 3 total. I am just beginning to present my side. I discharged my attorney and self representing. To say I've learned quite a bit about this is an understatement- been very humbled and looking back at op see was very much at fault for getting myself into this
Mess.

Regardless I am still fighting to have my girls in my life.

I've been painted as angry, ridged etc. allegations are verbal and text harassment with not much proof. Resulted in a top issued, where I have supervised visits every other week. Oldest daughter will not come. Haven't seen her for more than three hours in almost a year. Court won't force her, nor can she be forced to court ordered thereapy visits. Youngest now also wants a break from visiting so I am essentially left with no time while I pay the max temp cs until the case is finished and ruled on. I have contended the acrimony has always been there only between ex and self, my texts emails and alleged words are acts of poor thought and frustration. The only change of circumstance is the mother getting an 11 year old to refuse seeing me. Yes I have my past part in it, but no one agrees an 12 yo can make the decision to abandon a parent. However that is my claim if so and contest cs should be terminated.

Of course none of this is what I would want. I had 50/50 joint legal. Now close to losing it all. Trial resumes two months.

Any advice strategies thoughts once again appreciated.
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Re: Order of Protection post divorce

Unread postby hoot74 » Thu Aug 10, 2017 9:09 am

My advice is to use complete sentences and better grammar. Not only would it suggest that you are emotionally regulated and thinking clearly, but it can actually induce emotional regulation and clear thinking.
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Re: Order of Protection post divorce

Unread postby Me_and_my_boys » Thu Aug 10, 2017 1:12 pm

visionelite wrote:Regardless I am still fighting to have my girls in my life.


I don't know if "fighting" is the best approach at this point. Especially considering the fact that you are now representing yourself and the psych eval is not in your favor. Have you considered an approach that demonstrates an awareness of your errors and presents all the things you have done to improve that self-awareness? Can you present a step-up parenting plan based upon the achievement of certain milestones? Perhaps it's time to start negotiating all these obstacles instead of trying to barrel through them.
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Re: Order of Protection post divorce

Unread postby visionelite » Thu Aug 10, 2017 6:02 pm

Yes, trying to be concise, however I see the point to complete sentences- they might be helpful.

I completed a parenting class, mindfulness training, and countinue therapy. I presented each to the court. In fact my therapist testified on my behalf. Otherwise I am planning on presenting evidence of a previous history of violence against me, custodial interference and a mockery of the order of protection. I believe her character is important to reveal to the court, but realize this negative approach may not be effective. The trial has already devolved to a race to bottom. For those of you have been in a similar situation, what would you do at this point? I tried to negotiate right before the trial and was offered the same as before- sole custody to ex and visiting supervised parent to me. I offered a stepped plan to reintroduce the children but the suggestion was rejected. So here I am...
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Re: Order of Protection post divorce

Unread postby dad2grls » Wed Aug 16, 2017 2:27 pm

visionelite wrote: Youngest now also wants a break from visiting so I am essentially left with no time while I pay the max temp cs until the case is finished and ruled on. I have contended the acrimony has always been there only between ex and self, my texts emails and alleged words are acts of poor thought and frustration. The only change of circumstance is the mother getting an 11 year old to refuse seeing me. Yes I have my past part in it, but no one agrees an 12 yo can make the decision to abandon a parent. However that is my claim if so and contest cs should be terminated.


You know what this sounds like to me?

It sounds like you refuse to be accountable for your own mistakes. You said your youngest is only now pulling back from you, then you say it's because of your "past mistakes". It just doesn't add up.

Keep blaming your exwife for your children not wanting to see you, see how far that's going to get you.

Given the complexity of the situation you are foolish to be representing yourself. For the following reasons (and others I didn't think of when I replied).

Judges do not like people who represent themselves, it's a waste of their time and it's just annoying to them to have to deal with untrained inexperienced people who try to act like attorneys.

You are hopelessly biased against yourself, and you have obvious anger management issues that will not be fixed with a few therapy sessions. That makes it almost impossible to present a valid argument.

An experienced attorney knows what the court needs to see in order for you to make progress, because they've been there, done that.

An attorney that knows the judge and how he or she rules, and better yet was a contributer to their election or re-election campaign or paid for a recent "vacation seminar" for the judge can be a great ally for reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with the law or what might be in the best interests of the child, it's all about playing favorites.

Either get yourself a good attorney, or accept that you're going to lose contact with your daughters for years to come, maybe even forever.

I wish I could say I'm not speaking from personal experience here.
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Re: Order of Protection post divorce

Unread postby ragnar » Wed Aug 16, 2017 2:59 pm

I skimmed all your post from the first one OP.

I feel for you. I really do.

Truth is, you and NJ probably both contributed to the issues with D12. Does D12 prefer mom? I mean seriously? If she has always gravitated to her, the conflict of divorce can strengthen D12s bond with her and weaken D12s bond with you. It's psychology. Read about the Alienated Child:
http://jkseminars.com/pdf/AlienatedChildArt.pdf

You can not force your D12 to love you. The best that you can do is have as part of your decree state that D12 will receive weekly psychology visits to fix your broken bond.

The courts will not side with you and force D12 to spend time with you. A psychologist might even tell you that forced "supervised < parenting time >" might actually be detrimental.

Focus on D6 and work on D12. It's all you can do.

I don't know where 50/50 stands. If that's part of the agreement, great. If not, you will be able to modify the agreement as your situation with D12 improves.
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