How much did it cost you?!

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: How much did it cost you?!

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Sun Nov 20, 2016 7:37 am

If you are satisfied with what you got out of the divorce it's great.

Dwelling on it and/or getting talked out of that satisfaction is a recipe for unhappiness, conflict and expense.
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Re: How much did it cost you?!

Unread postby hoot74 » Sun Nov 20, 2016 8:45 am

chuck123 wrote:We are still a family and that is important to me, for them. My ex deserves credit for this as well. It takes two to tango and she could have been an a-hole as well.


Hey Chuck, that's awesome!

From what you have written, it sounds like the kids "won," in a sense. That is they spend 50/50 time with the parents. It's great that your ex was not an a-hole and advocated vociferously for 50/50 shared parenting because she cares about the kids and knows that children who maximize time with both parents have far better outcomes in life. Luckily, your ex knows this and does not have some personality disorder that led her to advocate otherwise. (Heck, did you know that children raised in sole custody by a mother with a personality disorder have a 1000% higher rate than other kids in completed suicide at some point in their lives?)
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Re: How much did it cost you?!

Unread postby Roly » Sun Nov 20, 2016 10:20 am

Nothing came out of my pocket, but I did walk away from EVERYTHING and I do mean EVERYTHING.
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Re: How much did it cost you?!

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Sun Nov 20, 2016 11:14 am

Round one $2000

Round two $5500

Round three? We shall see
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Re: How much did it cost you?!

Unread postby SingleDadof2 » Thu Nov 24, 2016 8:53 pm

$70,000 in my attorney's fees
$15,000 in private investigators

I was awarded sole executive conservatorship of our kids (1yr and 3yr then).

I was awarded damages for defamation of character and slander (sued her for defamation of character due to all her false allegations and publication of them).

I got the house the 401K and all the debt.
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Re: How much did it cost you?!

Unread postby breaker_morant » Sun Nov 27, 2016 10:21 am

Total attorney's fees - just north of $40K. $45K if you include the money spent at the beginning of this whole thing. I got an attorney as soon as the divorce topic came up, and had to deal with a number of things early on. Spending was zero for a number of years, then once I filed, it was about $20K to deal with the TPO, PL and temp custody hearings, then another $20K to get everything settled.

As I've posted in the main forum, I limited SS to a much shorter time and amount than it could have been had it gone to court, got a more favorable disposition of assets (2/3 in my favor for house and pension), control of the kids' 529/UTMA accounts, and primary custody/residence for both kids.

While I don't like how much she got as part of the assets, it was better than I would have likely gotten had I gone to court - so, that $40K was money well spent. I learned early on that the attorney is not my therapist, and didn't go to them to complain or vent - efforts were always focused on the end game - custody, asset division and support - making them as favorable to me as possible, which I think I got.
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Re: How much did it cost you?!

Unread postby turbodriven » Tue Nov 29, 2016 4:54 pm

Including filing fees, right around $17,000.

If I had kept my first attorney it would have been $23,000. I fired her after she handed me the "to go to trial estimate". I realized then she was nickel and diming me.

In the end I got 70/30, the marital home, and the NJ pays me child support, even though I make more.

BUT... it's only because she's a narcissist and a sociopath with a fairly low IQ. She went though the last 2/3rds of the divorce/trial without an attorney. She thought her poop didn't stink and got smacked hard for it. We were able to pretty much throw everything on the table without a single "objection" from her.

All said and done, I'd have spent twice as much or more for the results I got. 70% with my D5 is priceless. And I got control of her schooling in the process. Also priceless.
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Re: How much did it cost you?!

Unread postby CrashDavis » Tue Dec 06, 2016 12:46 am

Hi I am new here but thought this was an interesting thread. My ex and I went the mediation route in NoVA because we knew neighter of us would come out very far ahead if we went legal route. We'd both end up poor and HATE each other, not good for our little girl. I had a lot of non-marital assets coming into the marriage, a home, large colle tion of vintage toys, etc. In our 9 years of marriage we sold my first home and used the equity to buy a home together. I did 99% of the remodeling myself and at the time of separation we had another $90-100k in gained equity. I made the deal to split that with her and give her full pick of all other marital assetts. Nicest car, tv's furniture, plates, all that crap that can be replaced.

The mediation agreement cost about $3000 total, we split the costs.
I figure she took $45-50K in marital assets.
I wrote her a check for $40k to buy her out of the house.

So kept the the 5br house in Loudoun county (value increases monthly and it is as cheap as an apartment now here), got very liberal < parenting time > with my daughter, she couldnt touch my vintage collection of Star Wars memorabilia.

We are very cordial and our divorce is final in May. Will be glad when it is all over.....I feel I did very good and I am sorry to read some stories in there. My best advice is to be as nice as you can be. Tell her you know it is over and beg for mediation if you can do it...I know it cant always go this way but identify what is important to you and try to get it. Give her more of things yiu dont care about. All about a good compromise.
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Re: How much did it cost you?!

Unread postby ragnar » Fri Dec 09, 2016 3:59 pm

I'm still burning my $4K retainer. But now I have to deal with a GAL. And NJ filed motion saying that I have to pay for the GAL and for her attorney. My lawyer was flabbergasted that these motions were filed and said that there is no way NJ will get this. NJ lives with her parents and makes about $2300/month after taxes and gets $1400 in CS. According to her financial affidavit, she is not paying any rent to her parents. Her only bill that I know of is about $100/month for the car insurance payment. She wants me to give $10K towards her lawyer costs according to the motion. I hope to spend about $10K when this hell is over with. I have a feeling that NJ is going to be close to $20K.

I might tell my lawyer that Jessie's financial condition makes it quite easy for her to get a personal loan.
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Re: How much did it cost you?!

Unread postby Chaos » Sat Dec 10, 2016 2:30 am

It's going to be the exception if she gets attorney's fees or more than half of the GAL fees. Not the rule.
Last edited by Chaos on Mon Dec 12, 2016 4:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
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