How long did it take you?

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How long did it take you?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Sun May 04, 2014 12:11 pm

Brief background: divorce was finalized last week after a 17 yr marriage, and a 19 year relationship. We have one child, S9.

My question is: how long did it take you before you were ready and willing to date again, and/or to start a new LTR? Me, I know / feel that, long term, I will not want to be alone, I will want companionship again. But at the moment, the thought of starting over with someone else - heck, the thought of even looking for someone to start over again - seems daunting. Not to mention the work required to ... "make it work". This one in particular certainly has to do with how much I gave up, and the compromises I made, in the last 3-4 years of my marriage, and it was still all for nothing; she had made up her mind to leave, and once she did, it, it was all over. Just a huge waste of time, except that I got to see my son every day (which, sadly, is no longer the case now).

I've been separated since July of last year, and since then I have met several women, all on meet-and-greet type dates. All "nice" women (no apparent problems), but no spark, except for one, but then I got so sidetracked by the mechanics, harassment and distractions of my divorce, the sale of the house, and my move to a new place that I kinda let it go. Plus my full-time job, of course, and the time with my son, which obviously takes precedence over everything else.

Heck, I even had this bombshell of a sales lady visiting my home, and instantly hitting on me, and I couldn't have cared less. The woman is hotter than hell, and otherwise a good 10 years younger than me. That was back in December, but here we are in May, and I still fell no differently when it comes to finding a date, or even a FWB.

So, of course everybody is different and all that, but am just curious to hear how some of you approached this, and how long it took you until you were emotionally ready to start looking again.

Thanks ...
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby Jim1590 » Sun May 04, 2014 12:21 pm

With a 9 year old and a brand new divorce after a 17 year marriage? You may want to wait a few years before even thinking about a relationship long term.
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby Outis » Sun May 04, 2014 12:40 pm

At least a year.
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Sun May 04, 2014 12:56 pm

Outis wrote:At least a year.

After the divorce is final.

Don't parse separation and the dead marriage crap - wait a year from now.

Let the good earth make one lap around the sun before you begin to date (whatever that means?).
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Sun May 04, 2014 1:01 pm

Jim1590 wrote:With a 9 year old and a brand new divorce after a 17 year marriage? You may want to wait a few years before even thinking about a relationship long term.


I wish I had the luxury to wait several years, heck, maybe that's how it's going to play out anyway, by force of fate and events. But I am almost 47, not 37 or 27 ...

Anyway, point taken, thanks.
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby Outis » Sun May 04, 2014 1:04 pm

I understand you are concerned about your age.

Who else might a relationship impact?
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby Ramble_On » Sun May 04, 2014 1:05 pm

Why is waiting a luxury you can't afford? You have an opportunity now to invest in yourself with some introspection. You have an opportunity to be the person you want to be right now. It might seem daunting, but it is a gift. Embrace it.
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Sun May 04, 2014 1:07 pm

Outis wrote:I understand you are concerned about your age.

Who else might a relationship impact?


Obviously, my son - but I will not let that happen, if and when I enter a new relationship.
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby Outis » Sun May 04, 2014 1:29 pm

What are some of your hobbies, both currently and from yesteryear? What do you do for work?
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby RC611V » Sun May 04, 2014 1:30 pm

It is impossible to prevent something like that from impacting your kid.
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