How long did it take you?

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby afc » Fri Jan 05, 2018 1:51 pm

And don't ever ask out women when they're on the clock at a job that requires them to be nice to you.

That's just tacky as hell.
afc
5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 7758
Joined: Wed Nov 06, 2013 4:22 pm

Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 1:55 pm

HaltAndCatchFire wrote:With a tip of the hat to Where Are They Now? I am necroing this thread.

Three and a half years later, I'm hoping lionel2013 is willing to share his insights as to how he answered his own question: How long did it take you before you were ready and willing to date again, and/or to start a new LTR?

My age, circumstances and attitude are similar to his when he started this thread. While I'm completely on board with not starting any new relationships until a year after my decree, coming up with the framework of evaluating a new relationship while safeguarding myself and kids is something I need to figure out.


The answer is: 11 months from the date the divorce was final. Some six months after that I got married (but I had known my current wife since college, we had been a couple together for two years, so I knew her pretty well).

So looking back at my attempts at dating right after separation, or at the date of my first post in this thread, I would say the advice to wait one year from the finalization of the divorce is a very solid rule of thumb. All my attempts prior to that were marred by various problems, I would not advise anyone to jump back in right away, for many reasons.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
User avatar
lionel2013
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 2170
Joined: Sun May 19, 2013 9:29 pm
Location: Northern Illinois

Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 4:26 pm

RC611V wrote:
lionel2013 wrote:...this bombshell of a sales lady visiting my home, and instantly hitting on me, and I couldn't have cared less. The woman is hotter than hell, and otherwise a good 10 years younger than me...



Ok, funny < feces >.

If a bartender is really friendly; a salesperson; the lady selling perfume at Macy's; anybody who makes a tip off you, or a commission. Anybody who is on the job and earns more by being nice and friendly. They are not hitting on you. They're selling something and if they can make a sale by being friendly, nice, flirty, chatty, sexy, attractive - that is part of the job.

All kinds of men fall for this, not just 'vulnerable' ones. We have built places where we go to pretend it is happening, they're called strip clubs. And even at those places, guys get the idea that the woman is into them, for real. It's like going to WWF and while watching the show, starting to think they are actually in a fight and it isn't a show. Um... that's part of the show dude. To pretend you're watching something real. But you're not.

Go watch The Machinist with Christian Bale.

Learn how not to pick up a woman. Sometimes what not to do is the best first lesson.

Or this, watch this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVT1Ox5jET4


RCV,

Her hitting on me was after I declined her services (not during, or before). I'm definitely not Jason Statham, but I'm not the other dude either. Stop talking like you know everything 'cause you don't, - at the very least you weren't there with me to witness it.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
User avatar
lionel2013
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 2170
Joined: Sun May 19, 2013 9:29 pm
Location: Northern Illinois

Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 4:26 pm

afc wrote:And don't ever ask out women when they're on the clock at a job that requires them to be nice to you.

That's just tacky as hell.


I didn't - and otherwise, see my response to RCV.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
User avatar
lionel2013
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 2170
Joined: Sun May 19, 2013 9:29 pm
Location: Northern Illinois

Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Sat Jan 06, 2018 5:04 pm

solid piece of anecdotal evidence and the awareness to correct.
lionel2013 wrote:So looking back at my attempts at dating right after separation, or at the date of my first post in this thread, I would say the advice to wait one year from the finalization of the divorce is a very solid rule of thumb. All my attempts prior to that were marred by various problems, I would not advise anyone to jump back in right away, for many reasons.
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1793
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Sat Jan 06, 2018 5:29 pm

massdad1234 wrote:solid piece of anecdotal evidence and the awareness to correct.
lionel2013 wrote:So looking back at my attempts at dating right after separation, or at the date of my first post in this thread, I would say the advice to wait one year from the finalization of the divorce is a very solid rule of thumb. All my attempts prior to that were marred by various problems, I would not advise anyone to jump back in right away, for many reasons.


Thank you.

Looking back, I'd say the #1 reason not to do that is that is that most of us are not ready emotionally to do it even though we think we are. Contested divorces, regardless of who initiates them, are like a disease, serious illness - mental, emotional and sometimes physical. While we're going through them we are emotionally impaired, and we cannot/should not jump back in until we are 100% or mostly cured, or healed.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
User avatar
lionel2013
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 2170
Joined: Sun May 19, 2013 9:29 pm
Location: Northern Illinois

Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:07 am

agreed. From my mindset, my frame of reference is what led me down this path. If I don't put in the serious work to change that, why would I think different outcomes would surface?

Otherwise, i would be doing the same thing I abhor from my STBX, entrusting my true happiness to somenoe else. It must come from within, hence my self improvement journey, prehab :lol:
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1793
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Previous

Return to After The Divorce is Final – Moving On

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Baidu and 4 guests