How long did it take you?

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Tue May 06, 2014 6:39 pm

Trevor wrote:You have to ask yourself: how many times must I be punched in the face before I figure out a) who's doing the punching; and b) why am I not raising my forearms in defense. [Rhet.]


I did ask myself those questions, and the answer is because an ever-diminishing part of me still hopes NJ and I will manage to have a decent post-divorce relationship.

But NJ appears to be more rabid than ever, so at this rate I really don't think it's going to work.

The latest "gem": less than 24 hrs after she told me to go < edited > myself, got red in the face screaming at me, and told me she's going to have me thrown in jail, she's sending me an e-mail telling me "her attorney stated that I'm not allowed to close her life insurance policy", and that I should just keep it open and "transfer it to her" and she will take over the premiums. This is a group universal life policy I got on her through my job. Problem is, as of Wednesday of last week, she no longer is my wife, so I cannot have a policy on her anymore, per the company's rules. Other problem is, the divorce decree and the associated MSA do not say diddly about my having to have insurance coverage on anyone except myself, with my son as the beneficiary.

So she truly is an insane, stupid, rabid < edited >, and I have no doubt she will try to send me to jail if I can't pay her maintenance for the next 4.5 years. Which is why I have no idea why I still have not bought an MP3 recorder.
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby soccer rocker » Tue May 06, 2014 9:39 pm

The god's honest truth is you probably aren't going to have a decent relationship with this woman going forward. People who say that usually weren't involved in knock down drag out murderous divorces, they kept a level head and were angry for a short time and then got over it.

If you do have a decent relationship, it won't be because you rolled over or played nice now that the divorce is final. The proper thing to do now is to move on. Obviously that means working on yourself first. At some point when you have done that she won't be able to affect you the same way and she'll change tactics. But there's still going to be hostility on her end.
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Fri Jan 05, 2018 8:23 am

With a tip of the hat to Where Are They Now? I am necroing this thread.

Three and a half years later, I'm hoping lionel2013 is willing to share his insights as to how he answered his own question: How long did it take you before you were ready and willing to date again, and/or to start a new LTR?

My age, circumstances and attitude are similar to his when he started this thread. While I'm completely on board with not starting any new relationships until a year after my decree, coming up with the framework of evaluating a new relationship while safeguarding myself and kids is something I need to figure out.
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 8:27 am

Which is why waiting is advised, you can't even tell you're vulnerable u til you spend time alone.
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby RC611V » Fri Jan 05, 2018 11:51 am

RC611V wrote:It is impossible to prevent something like that from impacting your kid.


Who says, < Hole >?!?
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby RC611V » Fri Jan 05, 2018 12:34 pm

I remember a line from The Italian Job (the remake) where Jason Statham saw the computer nerd dude reading about how to get girls and 'win' at dating. He said the coolest line -

'Unlike you, I don't need a guidebook'.

Hahaha.

I don't understand why anybody would ask these kinds of questions at a place like this. It may sound contradictory to some, because I have posted all kinds of random < feces >. But advice about 'dating', never. How to navigate a marriage or the complexities of breaking out of one, divorcing, sure, of course, obviously, that's what this forum is about. Marriage and divorce are 'two sides of the same coin', so that makes sense.

But 'dating' and marriage are really totally different things. And I can't see a forum like this being a resource. Really, any kind of forum is not good. It is the kind of thing you have to just do. Ask a girl for coffee and go meet her at starbucks, buy two coffees, sit down and talk. You'll figure it out from there. You can't learn about 'dating' on the internet any more than you can learn to ride a bicycle on the internet. Just go < edited > do it.

I wouldn't say I'm Jason Statham, but I'm sure as < edited > not Seth Green. Thank god. hahaha
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 12:40 pm

I also believe there is room for there to be more than just one perspective on how to do something, do you agree with that RC? Because it seems to me that because you don't see a reason to, others shouldn't either and those that don't see things exactly like you are "wrong" and can't be helped.
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby RC611V » Fri Jan 05, 2018 1:25 pm

Of course, and that's why coming here - where the only reason we are here is to work out ideas and strategies about being the best parents we can be, specifically from a male perspective in the midst of breaking up - to ask about how and when and why to date and find a new relationship, that just seems dumb.

It is like going to the Mazdaspeed forum to ask about my recently purchased Honda Pilot. Why? piloteers.org is the place for that. Mazdaspeedforums.org is for my CX-7.

Limitless ways/reasons/methods/strategies for courting the opposite (or wherever on the spectrum you are hunting) sex. Bunch of dudes focused on getting through a difficult period of life is the last group of hunters to be hanging out with if you're on the prowl. Asking us for and following our advice, if you want to get something good, is a baaaaaad idea.

It's like asking the skinniest mangiest lion how to hunt those antelope. Um... look for the guy you want to be like, the success story. Not the starving lion. Ask the thriving, full and happy one.

But I guess that piece of advice is relevant. -Don't do it!!!
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby RC611V » Fri Jan 05, 2018 1:43 pm

lionel2013 wrote:...this bombshell of a sales lady visiting my home, and instantly hitting on me, and I couldn't have cared less. The woman is hotter than hell, and otherwise a good 10 years younger than me...



Ok, funny < feces >.

If a bartender is really friendly; a salesperson; the lady selling perfume at Macy's; anybody who makes a tip off you, or a commission. Anybody who is on the job and earns more by being nice and friendly. They are not hitting on you. They're selling something and if they can make a sale by being friendly, nice, flirty, chatty, sexy, attractive - that is part of the job.

All kinds of men fall for this, not just 'vulnerable' ones. We have built places where we go to pretend it is happening, they're called strip clubs. And even at those places, guys get the idea that the woman is into them, for real. It's like going to WWF and while watching the show, starting to think they are actually in a fight and it isn't a show. Um... that's part of the show dude. To pretend you're watching something real. But you're not.

Go watch The Machinist with Christian Bale.

Learn how not to pick up a woman. Sometimes what not to do is the best first lesson.

Or this, watch this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVT1Ox5jET4
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Re: How long did it take you?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Fri Jan 05, 2018 1:48 pm

Learn how not to pick up a woman. Sometimes what not to do is the best first lesson.


Awesome.
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