I picked up my daughter from school this afternoon and she asked when we could go to Disney on vacation. She said that they talked about vacations in school. I did not know what to say. When is it a good time to discuss that mommy and daddy won't be going on any vacations together anymore? I also spoke with my parents today and I told them that I filed. They are very upset with me. They are very religious and think that I am doing the wrong thing. So I am having second thoughts. I imagine telling my kids and all I see is tears pouring from their baby blues. I really don't know what to do. Am I making a mistake? I say no and then I say yes. How can I get past this? How long does it take to get through? Gotta sign off. Pizza being delivered. Thanks
Only you can say, no one else can answer that for you. Don't let your parents make the decision for you and your kids will have just as difficult a time growing up in a family where mommy and daddy live togther but can't stand each other.
If you proceed it will take some time to get over it. Spend alot more time with friends, you'll need the support group. Find a hobby, I'm doing a full restore on a '71 240z. Another thing that helps me is I bought a 75lb punching bag and on one side I taped a pic of the stbx, on the other is a pic of her mother. Of course this is covered so my daughter doesn't see it when she's with me
The following was my response to a poster that was contemplating divorce but had 100% chance of losing everything under his current situation... These were my suggestions which should also apply to the majority. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AND SIMULTANEOUSLY prepare for the divorce. Your chance of staying married is only 10% on this. Don't fool yourself.
STILL 10% chance is a better chance than winning the lottery, and indeed the return is far better than any lottery out there (provided you stay married until your children reach 18) and ideally if you stayed "happily" married for life.
Just please on behalf of all of us...and your children...and yourself... Don't fool yourself! Try to make it work out if at all possible but remember 90% chance of failure. Prepare prepare prepare. Take all the time you need, until/unless your wife is actively taking steps towards divorce.
Postby The Ultimate Misogynist » Tue Jan 11, 2005 6:22 pm
Do NOT have second thoughts. If the situation was bad enough for a man to get off of his posterior and file first, rare as that is, then keep the momentum going. Do NOT back down, or slow down the attack in any way. Your wife fired the first shot, so to speak, or you wouldn't have opted for divorce. When a woman has become impossible to be around, there is no improving the situation. Women never change for the better.
Do NOT let you parent's "Christian" beliefs influence you in any way. They won't be the ones suffering at the hands of your wife- you will. Remember that it's the Christian Bible that has influenced countless millions of men to continually offer themselves upon the matriarchal altar, and usually to their ruin. Don't buy it. There is nothing "Holy" about matrimony. It's an unfair, one-sided business contract, and nothing more. Period.
Besides, now that you have filed, your wife will use every opportunity to hurt you any way she can. She will never forgive or forget that you filed for divorce. Remember the old saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."
However, DO NOT let ANYONE make you have second thoughts.
Regardless of your situation, YOU KNOW IT BEST!! If it is not working, it does not favor ANYONE to prolong the inevitable.
So, if you can work it out, do so. But, plan for divorce in the background. If it works out, then it was all worth it. If it doesn't work out, then at least you are not playing catch up like a lot of other Fathers.
In the meantime, take the kids on a trip BY YOURSELF!!! Do a weekend trip so they won't suspect anything. You can use the pictures to demonstrate that you are an involved Father.
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