Not allowing a female to be around kids past 9pm

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: Not allowing a female to be around kids past 9pm

Postby Fatheroffour » Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:01 pm

Patiently waiting for 2025.
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Re: Not allowing a female to be around kids past 9pm

Postby minuette » Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:04 pm

Do you have children of your own? If not, you could start planning on a life outside of that little town. Focus on developing some marketable job skills/certifications that can get you a job ANYWHERE (like nursing), then start planning on a move to somewhere that interests you (into the nearest big city, different coast, whatever) and has a much bigger pool of fish.
Trivial or impure dreaming literally rots the fabric of the future. --Lawrence Durrell
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Re: Not allowing a female to be around kids past 9pm

Postby Trevor » Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:06 pm

Do you look like Christine Taylor? If so, we can figure out how to make up for lost time.
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Re: Not allowing a female to be around kids past 9pm

Postby MarshaMarshaMarsha » Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:42 pm

I have a great job & he lives 2 towns over so we only see each other weekends usually. & I don't look like Christine Taylor but I do all right. Haha!
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Re: Not allowing a female to be around kids past 9pm

Postby MarshaMarshaMarsha » Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:45 pm

Fatheroffour - the pic is bleugh but I appreciate the link. Believe it or not, in his Decree, it merely states "a female" & says NOTHING about blood related, etc...so technically it applies to his mom, sis, cousin, etc. It's ridiculous.
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Re: Not allowing a female to be around kids past 9pm

Postby minuette » Thu Jul 19, 2012 12:12 am

If you weren't interested in dating, a great job in a target-poor environment is fine. But you ARE interested in dating, and your local choices are bad enough that you find being stuck in Relationship Hell preferable to being alone.

Life's to short to settle for mediocrity.
Trivial or impure dreaming literally rots the fabric of the future. --Lawrence Durrell
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Re: Not allowing a female to be around kids past 9pm

Postby jtwob » Sun Jul 22, 2012 10:30 am

I guess I'm an exception to the norm but I would do what your Bf is doing. It seems both parties agreed to not have members of the opposit sex who are not married allowed in the house over night. I have that same decree in my divorce. It is to prevent someone from having multiple partners (strangers to the kids) over at night so they don't have to wake up and see some random guy/girl in their parents BR. It is to maintain some sort of stability in the lives of the children.

9pm is usually the norm for most kids' bedtime. If he has a problem with it, he can always request the courts for modification. After all, the oldest is 14 yrs of age some would agree 9pm is a little too early to have to leave. Midnight seems more reasonable.

If I were your BF I would probably do the same thing he is. He sounds like he's a good father who is concerned about violating a decree and being held in contempt for it. This, giving NJ a reason to modify < parenting time > and lose the time he slready has with his kids. He's not scared of your ex...he's scared of the judge who may rule in her favor. He's thinking about his kids first...which is a great thing. I'm learning no matter how unreasonable a decree may be or sound, it doesn't matter one bit. If the both parents agree to it then a judge will hold them into account for intentionally violating it.

As for you, you have three options. Leave him if you're tired of the drama, marry him so you don't have to deal with the drama, or support him in either following the decree or modifying it. As a dad, I wouldn't jeopardize my time with my kids for ANYONE, even a GF who may give me some skin from time to time. Blood is much thicker than water. Like the old saying goes, there are more fish in the sea...and that goes for both of you.

Good luck!
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Re: Not allowing a female to be around kids past 9pm

Postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Sun Jul 22, 2012 12:36 pm

For starters, your bf's ex is nothing more than a bully. And she's using the decree as a club. The best advice I can give is to give your bf's decree the old fashioned litmus test.

For once in your life, try being a normal couple. Defy the decree!! Spend the night together. Do it repeatedly!!

Let his ex do as she threatens. Force her hand!! The moment she files, instruct your bf to file a motion and counterclaim. I'll bet my job that the judge will nullify that section in your bf's decree.

Remember, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. If nothing else, it'll make you stronger.

What ever happened to "life, liberty, and persuit of happiness?"

Tom
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