Bubba Seal wrote:Why would you want your ex and gf to get along?
RC211V wrote:You say it is all her and nothing to do with your GF, so how would you be able to predict when she is going to develop into something different? Nobody can know that. I really don't think it matters, don't wait for anything to happen with your ex for you to adapt and modify your life the way you want. GF and ex don't need to get along, they don't need to talk, they don't need to interact at all. Keep 'em separate.
Why would I want them to get along? For my son's sake. Events like birthday parties, graduations, school performances - times that it would be good for the adults who are important in his life to be there, and (I feel) it would be good for him to see his parents getting along as mature adults for his sake.
I've been to GF's kids events and it's been positive (though it was uncomfortable the first few times).
If I ask S13 if he's OK if GF comes to the party/event/etc. his response is that "Mom would be uncomfortable with it" (understatement?). I told him that's OK, but at some point in the future we will all need to move past that, and though it might be uncomfortable for his Mom at first she will adapt, we can't always be walking around on eggshells (and, unsaid, he can't be her sole emotional support). If it was just GF he would be fine with it - they do get along well.
I can't see telling my future fiance she can't go to his high school graduation because it will make NJ uncomfortable.
Maybe S13 will mature as well, and stop feeling like he has to be his mother's sole emotional support. As I've written elsewhere, he has Asperger's, which impacts his maturity especially around social/emotional issues, and mixed with NJ's clinical depression it makes for a complex and unhealthy interdependence situation. This broader issue is a topic I'll bring up with his therapy sessions (starting soon) - maybe that will solve the smaller issue as well as others.