Question on going Pro Se for modification

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Question on going Pro Se for modification

Postby Chappy1976 » Fri Dec 23, 2011 3:10 am

Divorce was finalized at the end of April '11 in Illinois. Joint Custody of D4 having the typical every other weekend schedule, 2 2 week periods in the summer and alternating holidays. Here's the deal. I'm AD military and got orders to PCS (permanent change of station) to Florida. Just found out last week and I have to be there the end of March.

The Joint Parenting Order is pretty vague and has nothing in there if I got orders/moved on what my parenting time would change to. My question is, should I get another attorney to do the modifications or go pro se? I'm asking for summers and major holidays. I asked the ex NJ if she would try mediation and she has yet to get back to me. Time is of the essence since I'm leaving in March. I can see her trying to make this as difficult as possible, just like she did in court during the divorce. Any help/advice would greatly be appreciated.
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Re: Question on going Pro Se for modification

Postby TransAm » Fri Dec 23, 2011 5:46 am

I think you can successfully get a mediator to agree that since your losing EOW that those days should add up, and give you the majority of the summer, in exchange.

She most likely will have a valid argument that your days will be spoken for because of work, and would want to know who D4 will be spending her days with.

You'd probably also get every other major holidays (easter, xmas thru new year, thanksgiving) providing you provide the airfare since your the one moving. You get odd year/she get even years for the major holidays.

You could probably get this on you own. If not, cancel the mediation and appeal, then come back in front of the judge with a lawyer.

I don't envy your situation whatsoever. Your going to be spending the majority of your income on CS, airfare and child supervision in the summer months. The problem with the summer months is you wont get all of it (June, July and August). Most likely you'd get 3 weeks out of each month, then one week with her, increasing your airfare exponetially.

Wont know till you meet up in front of the mediator .
"Wrap it up in latex or she's going to get your paychecks."
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Re: Question on going Pro Se for modification

Postby Chappy1976 » Fri Dec 23, 2011 10:58 am

Thanks. Unfortunately she hasn't responded back to me about going to mediation to talk about this. Communication with her is very difficult to say the least.

Since I'm moving due to the military, could I request we split the transportation costs like we have in our current order? After the divorce she moved about two hours away and we meet halfway/split the cost.

You are correct in I'll have to still provide daycare for my daughter during the summer since I will not be able to get the entire time off.

Very stressful.
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Re: Question on going Pro Se for modification

Postby beenthere » Fri Dec 23, 2011 3:57 pm

Illinois Supreme court rules mandate that mediation must take place before the court will hear a petition to modify. Your circuit or county may have other rules. Check with your court. File a petition for mediation if NJ doesn't respond soon.
Instead of getting married again, I'm just going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
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Re: Question on going Pro Se for modification

Postby Chappy1976 » Fri Dec 23, 2011 7:56 pm

Thanks. She just replied and doesn't want to do mediation. She would rather we discuss it and have her attorney write up the modification. I replied back saying I wasn't comfortable with discussing it with her except in mediation. Also told her I'd prefer the mediator to write up the modification so there isn't any bias involved. Am I wrong in not agreeing to her terms?
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Re: Question on going Pro Se for modification

Postby beenthere » Fri Dec 23, 2011 8:08 pm

A mediator will charge anywhere from 150 an hour up. If you can work it out without that expense...you may want to try that first
Instead of getting married again, I'm just going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
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Re: Question on going Pro Se for modification

Postby Chappy1976 » Fri Dec 23, 2011 9:00 pm

beenthere wrote:A mediator will charge anywhere from 150 an hour up. If you can work it out without that expense...you may want to try that first


Very true. I'm just more afraid of her attorney swaying her since I don't have legal representation. Either way, she's not going to be very forgiving.
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Re: Question on going Pro Se for modification

Postby whatnow? » Fri Dec 23, 2011 9:20 pm

Try this. Let the nj's atty draw it up, you look it over, then say you need to check a few things. THEN take it to someone to look at for you (another atty that you will pay for an hour of their time) and see if it's fair. That way, you get the benefit of having it drawn up on her dime, with minimal expenditure on you.
When your ex says .. you will never find anyone like me .. and you reply .. God I sure hope not...
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Re: Question on going Pro Se for modification

Postby Chappy1976 » Fri Dec 23, 2011 9:33 pm

whatnow? wrote:Try this. Let the nj's atty draw it up, you look it over, then say you need to check a few things. THEN take it to someone to look at for you (another atty that you will pay for an hour of their time) and see if it's fair. That way, you get the benefit of having it drawn up on her dime, with minimal expenditure on you.



I like that! Thanks! :)
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Re: Question on going Pro Se for modification

Postby Chappy1976 » Tue Dec 27, 2011 12:34 pm

She wants me to email my proposed plan to her. Should I? I told her I'd prefer to meet her in person and discuss it.
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