case over

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

case over

Unread postby higherroad » Thu Feb 26, 2009 9:00 pm

i am giving a full run down in order to help those who may benefit.

hey guys its been awhile but my case was finished last week. after both lawyers agreed to give me equal opportunity with gal after ex buried me in complaints to him, i met with him and he saw me for who i was. this was after only meeting once 1 year ago. so the only thing he knew about me was through ex.

i pretty much went in and first tried to understand where he was coming from. he hears tons of cases so he didnt have all the information at his fingertips, hence the reason he always seemed to vacilate. this is very important to remember for anyone dealing with gal. they are so busy, stressed, and miserable they dont want to hear any more complaining. and thats what i gave him. i was the one who could work with ex and had kids best interest.

he agreed with my lawyers proposal. joint with me making all the decisions as if it was sole so she could save face. no cs, split all expenses.

at first she balked threatening another 604.5. after the gal told her not to contact him anymore, he had growed tired of her complaints, she went and contacted the psych who did the 604 that recommended me for sole. she sent a letter to the gal, twisting some of the psychs words i am sure, but in it she only asked that we keep the same 50/50 schedule 3/5/3 instead of the week on week off recommended. she said she would fight that no matter what. but in return she said if i give her that she would not call the kids, but only talk with them if they called. boy was that a deal for me.

but what it really came down to was the money. she knew it would cost her a boat load to fight and i think her lawyer and the gal may have worked in tandem, both demanding up from large retainers considering her difficulties in paying them. if she had the money she probably would have fought it.

so she signed it just as we had it with only the schedule change. she was pretty much forced to.

you can already see the difference in the kids and me. so much less pressure, and i think on her end no need to try and influence them as they may have been evaluated again with a 604.5. i am much more open to her now, actually talking to her, although i can still feel her pissed at me. but the kids see me talking to her now and they feel better.

i did not celebrate, but i was relieved. going through a custody is nothing to celebrate. but a relief for everyone. i feel no animosity towards ex anymore but do feel vindicated.

i realized that if i would have fought this when we initially got divorced 4 years ago, i would probably not have one. but i sucked it up for two years, did my best to be a good dad, recorded all conversations, kept all emails and kept my mouth shut with ex not losing my cool once. in addition, if i would have had to pay out of our mixed funds she would have probably gone through that. but what i had to was give her a big lump sum and wait till she ran through it. that was really key.

this site has made a huge impact on my case especially as a sounding board to double check my strategy. and i almost left out, i had an unbelievably good attorney, very collabaritive who really tried to understand everything, was trusting and professional, always returning my calls promptly, and not afraid to take a stand. i had to convince him of my case but he got it.

thanks to all you guys, and i will return the favor by visiting the board and helping where i can. thanks to all esp those who stayed with me the whole way - thoughts, formyboy, mcc, trevor, teflon and i am sorry if i forgot anyone else but you know who you are.
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Re: case over

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Feb 26, 2009 9:20 pm

Great post, higher, and congratulations, man. Good for you that you adjusted your strategy to best deal with an overworked bureaucrat (perhaps even a volunteer one). I am picturing you being the smart consultant, listening to the GAL and trying to understand his/her mindset, workload, stresspoints, hot buttons, and then adjusting your message to target the sweet spots.

I also agree that your success in this regard means you have a great opportunity to pay it forward to the Dads out there who have yet to journey the rocky road you've just walked. It is enriching to sleep at night knowing you may have moved a few of the rocks off the road and saved a sprained ankle for a good father out there looking to care best for his children.

Stick around.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: case over

Unread postby Thoughts? » Thu Feb 26, 2009 9:53 pm

You are my hero. No, you are your kids' hero.
The board is the sum of all of your great posts...Help divorced men be great dads! Divorce help in a father friendly divorce forum....more tips on how to deal with your divorce at
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Re: case over

Unread postby mcc333 » Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:38 pm

Higher, it is great news and it was very well played on your part. I hope you and your kids can relax for awhile.
"I get knocked down, But I get up again,
You're never going to keep me down" - Chumbawamba
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Re: case over

Unread postby teddy » Fri Feb 27, 2009 5:52 am

Outstanding news, higher! Please be sure and hang around here. Lots of guys will be needing your advice and support.

Congratulations again!
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Re: case over

Unread postby novadad » Sun Mar 01, 2009 10:30 pm

Popeye's anyone? I can taste a CHICKEN DINNER!

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Re: case over

Unread postby dad123 » Mon Mar 02, 2009 11:44 am

Congrats. Having it finalized does make it easier to deal with X sometimes. Please stick around, i finished mine last month and still try to get here often. I hope I can help a dad just once on here.
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