Therapy for Kids

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: Therapy for Kids

Unread postby lionel2013 » Wed Dec 06, 2017 5:30 pm

Or maybe you should read through mine. This is starting to be a consistent problem with you.


No, please take a deep breath and think again. What the OP, Trevor and I are saying is that the kids don't really have problems that require an intervention such as therapy. You are forcing your arguments for an overkill solution to a non-existent or minuscule problem. Kinda like Trevor's metaphor about surgery for a splinter.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
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Re: Therapy for Kids

Unread postby a dad » Wed Dec 06, 2017 5:48 pm

lionel2013 wrote: You are forcing your arguments for an overkill solution . . .
Overkill?
Chaos wrote:For younger children, therapy is about teaching the parents how to teach the child and reinforce good coping skills.
__________

lionel2013 wrote:. . . to a non-existent or minuscule problem.
Non-existent?
skiutah wrote:The 8 year old does have some anger issues, or how she deals with them, but that was certainly present before the divorce,
___________

We're all allowed our own opinion but those seem like exaggerations.
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Re: Therapy for Kids

Unread postby lionel2013 » Wed Dec 06, 2017 6:42 pm

Non-existent?
skiutah wrote:
The 8 year old does have some anger issues, or how she deals with them, but that was certainly present before the divorce,


I have a son too. When he was 8 he had anger issues. Now he's 13 and he still has anger issues. Most boys of this age I've known over the years (for example my god son) have anger issues. It's a parent's call to decide when these issues become out of the norm enough to warrant therapy. In this case the OP thinks they don't while his STBX thinks they do. I guess for whatever reason I am inclined to believe the dad (probably because of the way my first marriage unfolded, so yes, I have to admit I am biased).
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Re: Therapy for Kids

Unread postby Chaos » Wed Dec 06, 2017 7:03 pm

I'm trying to be understanding here, but for all you're saying about me not getting the point, this makes me want to bang my head against a wall:

I have a son too. When he was 8 he had anger issues. Now he's 13 and he still has anger issues. Most boys of this age I've known over the years (for example my god son) have anger issues.


My 8 year old had anger issues too. Then he went to therapy...

Funny story, I have 3 teenage boys, and used the techniques I learned from his therapy session on all three, and none of them have anger issues. It doesn't just come with the territory.

There are skills your child can learn to overcome those issues. Just like going pro se in court, if you aren't going to engage the services of a professional, you owe it to your child to educate yourself and your child on those skills.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
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Re: Therapy for Kids

Unread postby Started Over » Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:09 pm

My kids have been in therapy off and on since my boy was 8. My boy didn't really get a benefit from it and my ex was just using it as a tool for alienation, talking to him before the session about how important it was for him to explain how hard it was when I yelled at him or how mean I was or how difficult the transitions were and so on and so forth. Once he was removed from that, I continued him with therapy for a while but he didn't really get anything out of it, and his worst complaints were that I made him eat too many vegetables. He didn't need it. We stopped.

My girl has continued. She never got past the manipulations and needed a place to process. She needed and still needs a safe place to talk to someone who isn't me and isn't her mom. She needs somewhere she can work through her own problems with Dialectic Behavioral Therapy and work through her clinical depression. She continues to go, currently on a weekly basis.

I frame it as a place for her to go and talk to someone. Someone who doesn't judge her, someone whose only job is to help her through whatever is bothering her. I don't frame it as there being something wrong with her that needs to be fixed, just that we all can use someone to talk to sometimes.

I don't think there's stigma the way there used to be, and I don't think that stigma should in any way prevent you from taking your kid to speak to a therapist. I do, however, think that it should be framed to the children appropriately to move past the stigma. Emotional healthcare is still healthcare. You wouldn't ignore it if your kid was constantly complaining about how his knee hurt. You'd take him in. So why would you ignore it if your kid has anger problems after a divorce?
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Re: Therapy for Kids

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Thu Dec 07, 2017 11:03 am

OP, your wife has invited you to a dialogue about your child. You need to provide her a response, as non-response is a response.

Have you considered that you and/or your wife have jumped to conclusions about your child's "anger issues"? Consider having your child evaluated by a psychologist, or equivalent expert. Let the psychologist confirm or deny "anger issues", then consider the recommendations of the psychologist which may or may not be the therapy your wife has decided upon.
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Re: Therapy for Kids

Unread postby skiutah » Fri Dec 08, 2017 12:28 am

She said she consulted our daughter's pediatrician, but that's sort of lame, because my ex is a pediatrician and our daughter goes to the same practice, so that doctor is effectively her partner.


I think having a dialogue with my ex about it is going to be helpful. I am trying to come up with suggestions on how to deal with her anger issues, but I just laugh, because they are basically nothing compared to the anger issues of my ex, so I barely even count them as anger.

I appreciate all the feedback. I have been shy about posting, but I have now posted two questions and received excellent feedback.
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Re: Therapy for Kids

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Fri Dec 08, 2017 6:56 am

skiutah wrote:I have been shy about posting, but I have now posted two questions and received excellent feedback.
Don't be, please. This is an excellent resource. Take advantage of it. Sometimes the responses are tough, sometimes out of line, but in the end - the level headed voices always chime in and steer you in the right direction.

Also, may I recommend you also start responding to other posts. Even if you don't know how to help, a simple "Welcome," "Sorry you and your kids are going through this," "You are not alone," or "What State and how many kids?" will help the poster in their time of need and also help your.

This forum can serve as a great recovery mechanism as helping others will help you help yourself.
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