Recurrent dream... Just before.

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Re: Recurrent dream... Just before.

Unread postby Havalu7 » Tue Nov 28, 2017 6:49 pm

Take it easy Francis as no insult was intended. I just was asking for clarification, and got the opp to throw in a quote from one of my favorite movies.

Humor and having a thick skin here will help you and others; should you choose to pass along said gifts.

You are in the right place brother. You too can become a highly paid volunteer as well.
"No." is a complete sentence.

Do not move out of your house.
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Re: Recurrent dream... Just before.

Unread postby NJdad76 » Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:03 pm

Havalu7 wrote:Take it easy Francis as no insult was intended. I just was asking for clarification, and got the opp to throw in a quote from one of my favorite movies.

Humor and having a thick skin here will help you and others; should you choose to pass along said gifts.

You are in the right place brother. You too can become a highly paid volunteer as well.



I hear what you are saying.

I don't have that much of a sense of humor about being duped into buying and renovating a house and then getting kicked out.

I bought a $300,000 < feces > house in a top $700,000 town and renovated it in 6 months out of pocket.
Our mortgage payment was $2000 because of how much I saved to put money down.
The last vacation I went on with her was to her aunt's funeral in Iowa. Meanwhile she would go to Arizona by herself in the early winter to offset her seasonal affect depression.
What a < edited > manipulative selfish < edited >. And I don't use that word lightly.

I was really looking forward to the "salad days" after 2 years of 16 hour days.
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Re: Recurrent dream... Just before.

Unread postby Havalu7 » Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:20 pm

Brother a lot of us went thru that too. I always recommend not denying that momentary sadness; then shake it off and don’t stay there.

I still have momentary lapses of “what could have been” but don’t stay there and let her camp in my head. As time and distance heal your psyche you will have those thoughts less and less.

Your own “salad days” are coming and you are making that salad right now. As you know help g other guys will help you help yourself. Not sure if that’s proper grammar as I so often battle with but those are my thoughts.

You are going to be just fine and raising the rent in your own head so no one else can afford space there will make your salad better day by day.
"No." is a complete sentence.

Do not move out of your house.
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Re: Recurrent dream... Just before.

Unread postby NJdad76 » Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:50 pm

Havalu7 wrote:Brother a lot of us went thru that too. I always recommend not denying that momentary sadness; then shake it off and don’t stay there.

I still have momentary lapses of “what could have been” but don’t stay there and let her camp in my head. As time and distance heal your psyche you will have those thoughts less and less.

Your own “salad days” are coming and you are making that salad right now. As you know help g other guys will help you help yourself. Not sure if that’s proper grammar as I so often battle with but those are my thoughts.

You are going to be just fine and raising the rent in your own head so no one else can afford space there will make your salad better day by day.


thanks man.
I have a girlfiend who thinks I'm awesome and actually has a very amicable relationship with her ex.. not adversarial at all.


I have a lot of resentment to overcome. Not just at her, also at other things, people.
unfortunately I have a really good and graphic memory. So, I really don't forget stuff.
I understand that it's "nobody's fault but mine" but just this morning my dad told a story about when he sent my mom flowers and a romantic poem (that he recited verbatum) in 1956 and they went to the wrong person. he said that guy's wife must have been treating him so well. And I got really resentful thinking... Not everyone's wife treats them like crap like my mom does him, especially when he has been such a stand-up guy all his life.She's not a monster, she's nice 95% of the time and 5% of the time she treats him like a doormat. But she lets it go in a reasonable amount of time. But I've been thinking lately that if he didn't let my mom treat him like that all my life. I wouldn't have thought it was ok to let my ex treat me that way... maybe I wouldn't have married her. We talk about red-flags... How about this one? back in 2004 She knew I was going to propose to her and she said, when are you going to propose? And I said, not trying to start a fight, "I'm waiting for a day or two when you don't act like a < female dog > to me so I feel in the mood" **BAM!** That should have been a sign... But of course she behaved a few days... I even gave her a hint when she started to get snippy "What do you PROPOSE*ahem* we do tonight.
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Re: Recurrent dream... Just before.

Unread postby Havalu7 » Wed Nov 29, 2017 5:22 pm

Don’t beat yourself up and the memories will fade.

Reminds me of the term I used to describe myself by: “Raging Doormat”.

For the boots and newbies the lesson from myself and others is ignore the red flags at your peril.
Especially the flags that are red with flames and on fire.
"No." is a complete sentence.

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Re: Recurrent dream... Just before.

Unread postby NJdad76 » Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:55 pm

Yep.

I am going to visualize the things I resent and imagine myself being ok with them.

Like visualizing a basketball shot. Swoosh. Nothing but net... in my head.
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Re: Recurrent dream... Just before.

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Thu Dec 07, 2017 8:09 am

Havalu7 wrote:For the boots and newbies the lesson from myself and others is ignore the red flags at your peril.
Especially the flags that are red with flames and on fire.
The unfortunate thing about this note is that no man about to get married will ever stumble upon this website, let alone this thread. They are on a euphoric high about to get married. Psychologically, we all brush the red flags under the carpet during this period. During the marriage, we classify the additonal flags as "working through issues" that we believe every marriage has. It's not until someone makes a conscious decision to end the marriage (emotionally, breaks vows, etc.) that we arrive at the divorce stage. But to circle back Hav, this post will never each the eyes you hope it will.
Last edited by LovingDadof2 on Fri Dec 08, 2017 10:20 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Recurrent dream... Just before.

Unread postby Havalu7 » Fri Dec 08, 2017 9:12 am

LD2 hopefully some of the guys who stumbled in here still halfway wishing things will go back the way they were, or living in that dream state of what could have been will benefit.

It’s worth a post anyways.
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Re: Recurrent dream... Just before.

Unread postby NJdad76 » Thu Dec 14, 2017 3:26 pm

I honestly think we get married while we are still in party phase.
We have few expenses and lots of expendable money.
We are still going out late, sleeping late, spending our money on having fun.

Basically, we have kids and become adults at the same time.

And by then it is too late to stop and say, "Hey, this woman is a self involved < female dog > who expects to be catered to and treated like a queen."
Meanwhile she was a goddamn hippy when I married her.
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Re: Recurrent dream... Just before.

Unread postby Broken Machine » Thu Dec 14, 2017 3:38 pm

Truth. I came to realize that my STBX only likes the ideas of being married, being a mother, being responsible, etc. Actually doing it...another story completely as I have recently found out.
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