Florida - interesting circumstances

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Florida - interesting circumstances

Unread postby refdad586 » Sat Jan 13, 2018 10:50 pm

Looking for what I might expect given the circumstances.


Married 6 years - I'm 29 and she's 38

I make about $57 - 60K per year, and am the sole breadwinner of my home.

$75K in mortgage debt, not sure what the house is worth right now but with the market, it's possible that it's worth twice that.

8K in CC debt.

one 18 year old car with no payment, not worth very much.

one 4 year old child

one wife who doesn't drive and hasn't worked in 5 1/2 years.


My work hours can fluctuate heavily, I usually start at 8am and will work anywhere from 8-14 hours a day, Monday-Friday.
This isn't by choice, it's the nature of the work. when I'm "on-call" I can easily work 60 plus hours a week. The only way this could change for the better would be to take a huge pay cut and take shift-work, or start my own business.

Wife suddenly reveals that she is beginning to work towards driving (only has a learner's permit) and then getting a job at a retail establishment. She claims that her determination to leave the marriage has sparked this.

I've been wanting a divorce for some time now, but logistics have always gotten the better of me. I don't think I'll be able to keep my current job and satisfy the task of "being there" for my kid while he's in my custody. I've worked very hard to get where I am and the reality is that wages are pretty pathetic around here for the most part. The only thing I could think of doing would be to get a normal job and I could probably work out a deal with my current employer to work part-time when I'm not with my kid.

Wife just so happens to have a friend who is a family law lawyer and has been getting advised by him. I have no idea how much he is willing to help her, but I can tell the ways that she changes her behavior recently are from her being coached on it. She's trying to scare me but the reality is that even if she somehow manages to clean out all my assets, I can rebuild. Priority #1 is maintaining my fair share of custody.

I've got a DVR.

My original plan was to try and help her become more functional and creating her own income before I filed, so as to reduce my financial liability right off the bat, but now I feel like her lawyer friend is encouraging the same thing, so my gut reaction is to throw a plan together and file before she can even get her license, so that, for one thing, I'll definitely be the plaintiff, and second, I might look a lot better as a parent right off the bat. I would of course never impede on her improving her life circumstances, and could set money aside (and document it's purpose) for her to achieve those goals. Thoughts?
refdad586
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2018 9:40 pm

Re: Florida - interesting circumstances

Unread postby Havalu7 » Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:01 pm

Welcome OP sounds like you are in the right place.

What state are you in?

You do mean digital audio recorder (DAR) yes?

Do you have nearby family that can help you with 50-50 once you hopefully attain that?
"No." is a complete sentence.

Do not move out of your house.
User avatar
Havalu7
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1860
Joined: Wed Jan 27, 2016 10:43 am

Re: Florida - interesting circumstances

Unread postby afc » Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:07 pm

What downside is there to you if she learns to drive and gets a job?
afc
5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 7702
Joined: Wed Nov 06, 2013 4:22 pm

Re: Florida - interesting circumstances

Unread postby refdad586 » Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:17 pm

Havalu7 wrote:Welcome OP sounds like you are in the right place.

What state are you in?

You do mean digital audio recorder (DAR) yes?

Do you have nearby family that can help you with 50-50 once you hopefully attain that?


-Florida

-Yes, I meant DAR

My mom lives close by and would be happy to help (she still works, so she's not available all the time), but my wife seems to think she's going to be able to restrict access between my mom and my son, yet can't cite any harm being done to the child by going to Grandma's and playing, just that my mom spending time with my son is using him as a pawn to <urine> my wife off. I call BS unless she somehow manages to get a restraining order and I can't see how one would be granted via honest means.
refdad586
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2018 9:40 pm

Re: Florida - interesting circumstances

Unread postby refdad586 » Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:21 pm

afc wrote:What downside is there to you if she learns to drive and gets a job?


For me? Zero. I encourage it.

For my cause? that's what I'm asking you all?
refdad586
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2018 9:40 pm

Re: Florida - interesting circumstances

Unread postby Havalu7 » Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:31 pm

OP are you in a no fault state? Cause wont be necessasry if in a no fault state.

Your soon to be ex can be all the pissed off she wants; possibly get used to that here short term.

Why have you not filed already, aside from your work reasoning.

I think most here agree filing first puts you in the driver seat. Looks like you possibly might not get that chance. What is preventing you from taking a day off and getting the paperwork filed?

I will reserve for the opinions of the legal eagles we have here but like afc mentioned change your mindset on the functionability of your childs mother.
"No." is a complete sentence.

Do not move out of your house.
User avatar
Havalu7
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1860
Joined: Wed Jan 27, 2016 10:43 am

Re: Florida - interesting circumstances

Unread postby refdad586 » Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:41 pm

Havalu7 wrote:OP are you in a no fault state? Cause wont be necessasry if in a no fault state.

Your soon to be ex can be all the pissed off she wants; possibly get used to that here short term.

Why have you not filed already, aside from your work reasoning.

I think most here agree filing first puts you in the driver seat. Looks like you possibly might not get that chance. What is preventing you from taking a day off and getting the paperwork filed?

I will reserve for the opinions of the legal eagles we have here but like afc mentioned change your mindset on the functionability of your childs mother.


Like I said - I personally want her to be fully functional. I'm just curious if it would be better to wait until she's able to drive (there's potential that it won't even happen) and thus become employable, or to go ahead and get the ball rolling now.
refdad586
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2018 9:40 pm

Re: Florida - interesting circumstances

Unread postby Havalu7 » Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:51 pm

Ok got it. ..

Besides her drivers license and part time job "sparking" towards getting divorced what other issues are there?

Like I said I will reserve on the legal end of strategy but have always believed filing first matters.

Need to run here but can you give us a little bit more background on why you two lovebirds are parting ways?
"No." is a complete sentence.

Do not move out of your house.
User avatar
Havalu7
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1860
Joined: Wed Jan 27, 2016 10:43 am

Re: Florida - interesting circumstances

Unread postby refdad586 » Sun Jan 14, 2018 12:02 am

Havalu7 wrote:Ok got it. ..

Besides her drivers license and part time job "sparking" towards getting divorced what other issues are there?

Like I said I will reserve on the legal end of strategy but have always believed filing first matters.

Need to run here but can you give us a little bit more background on why you two lovebirds are parting ways?


When we first met, I thought I could save her from her crappy life (by her own definition) I kept finding that the more problems I solved, the more would come up. I was improving, she would stay the same. My resentment built up and it started to manifest as me being colder to her. I eventually started being more assertive with everything and I'm just seen as a big monster.

We married way too quickly and I had very low self-worth to put up with all the BS.
refdad586
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2018 9:40 pm

Re: Florida - interesting circumstances

Unread postby SoxFan1986 » Sun Jan 14, 2018 9:35 am

OP come up with a plan with a goal of 50/50 parenting. Some daycares and kindergartens offer extended care from 7a to 6p. Meet with your boss and explain you situation and look for other job opportunities. Ask friends and family for help. Whatever it takes to cover your 50%. If you can get 50% parenting and your STBX get a job this will minimize your CS. If you cover your Childs health insurance that factors into CS. There's some free online CS calculators for Florida online.

Props for getting your digital recorder.
SoxFan1986
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 135
Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2016 9:27 am

Next

Return to Before and During Divorce Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests