Update/Help

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Re: Update/Help

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Wed Jan 10, 2018 2:30 pm

_ProudPoppa_ wrote:Yes, I have an emailed copy of the order.
The Order is signed by the judge, I presume??

_ProudPoppa_ wrote:We haven't even been through mediation yet. I would think there's a chance then to change things if this situation doesn't get ironed out.
Here's the sales pitch; aka, your attorney's sleight of hand:

1) Why worry?? Mediation can occur any time before the Final Order is written. Moreover, mediation can occur after the Temporary Order is written. and,
a) Yes, you can still negotiate a settlement any time before trial - with or without mediation:
Your Honor, the parties have settled.
b) "So yes, there's still hope," your attorney stresses (albeit false hope - that's what he doesn't tell you).

2) The Order is only "temporary." Trouble is:
a) Temporary orders set up status quo (that's what your attorney doesn't tell you). and
b) Temporary Orders usually become final at trial (your attorney doesn't tell you that either).

Here's how this works: It’s not what your attorney tells you, per se. It’s what he doesn’t tell you that should give you worry.

Tom
Like football, family court is a game of inches. A John Madden strategy
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Re: Update/Help

Unread postby _ProudPoppa_ » Wed Jan 10, 2018 4:34 pm

Yes, the order is signed by the judge. I had no idea that an order could go through without my signature.

I was trying to keep my costs down by not emailing him all the time. That's where I went wrong. He's contacting her attorney to get this changed. He's pretty sure he can get it done. He's said to go ahead and pay the child support, but not to pay her child care costs. Because I have my own, equal child care costs.

I just received the emailed order yesterday, so it's not like I'm intentionally delinquent. So, he's contacting her attorney in the mean time. I know I can't recoup the child care cost once I pay them, so I'm holding off til the end of the week to pay that.

Stbx was not happy about getting only CS. Again, I was not part of the communication to state how much i pay of my own child care. My attorney is pretty confident he can get the Agreed Order changed to reflect my own child care costs.

Tom-- I understand exactly what you mean about the status quo and sleight of hand word tricks. I pay close attention to what he says. I will not sign off on anything I don't want to be permanent. So, I'm pressing my guy to get this changed. I do have another attorney I can hire if he can't get this corrected.
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Re: Update/Help

Unread postby Minerva » Thu Jan 11, 2018 9:27 am

Do you have it in writing where you told him what you wouldn't agree to and you wanted to review in writing before signing?

If so, just tell him he needs to fix it and you're not paying for his mistake.

If he blatantly effed up he can be reported to the state bar.

My attorney did something similar and just paid the difference out of pocket because it was cheaper than having to pay off his malpractice.

I'd recommend saving this for after you let him do his thing the "easy" way, because it's basically burning a bridge.
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Re: Update/Help

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Thu Jan 11, 2018 12:50 pm

_ProudPoppa_ wrote:I was trying to keep my costs down by not emailing him all the time.
If you hafta email him all the time, you've got an attorney problem.

Start with this -
Just to confirm yesterday's conversation: I fully expect to review the Order before it's sent to the judge. Additionally, I also want a copy of the (unsigned) Order for my files.
.....just in case it gets changed.
FYI; Attorneys are known for that.


Tom
Like football, family court is a game of inches. A John Madden strategy
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Re: Update/Help

Unread postby _ProudPoppa_ » Thu Jan 11, 2018 3:16 pm

He called me back yesterday, and told me he contacted her attorney's office. And, he's waiting to hear back from him. And, that I should not pay the child care costs since I was paying for my own child care. He said he would get it scratched off the agreement. He said there's no reason for me to pay her child care.

Today I emailed exactly what you said, Tom.
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Re: Update/Help

Unread postby Minerva » Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:51 pm

Get it in writing that your attorney who didn't follow your instructions is telling you not to follow your order.

Telling you he'll work it out is one thing, actually achieving that is another.

Until you have a new order you don't have one. And until your attorney unscrews you, you're still screwed.
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Re: Update/Help

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:52 pm

he either unfooks this or you file a complaint with the bar and his ability to generate income comes under duress.
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Re: Update/Help

Unread postby _ProudPoppa_ » Fri Jan 12, 2018 8:01 pm

So, today I went up to his office to drop off some papers. He was in court, but I insisted to his legal aid that he contact me today. I said I could not and would not wait until next week to hear something. He forwarded me an email to OC that included him advising me not to pay child care. And, that we work to modify the agreement.

He worded it a little soft, and seemingly made it sound like Stbx could decide if she wanted me to pay her, or accept that we each pay our own child care. But, it's a start. He also sugested to OC (at my request) that we start working on settlement negotiations.

So, I dug up my word doc today that has the foundation of my parenting agreement. How much did you guys do of the talking during mediation compard to letting your attorney? I feel like I have a good grasp on what I want. 50/50 custody, holiday schedule, parenting plan steps up to 7/7 (currently 2-2-3). Also schools, ROFR, taxes, 50/50 split of all kiddos expenses. I'm not asking for anything unfair. But, I also don't know what I don't know. Such as, make sure CS and daycare costs are separate. So you don't get locked into that extra cost forever.

I know I'm rambling now...
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Re: Update/Help

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:47 am

_ProudPoppa_ wrote:He worded it a little soft, and seemingly made it sound like Stbx could decide.....
Back up a little bit, Bro. There's a pattern here. Do you see it??

_ProudPoppa_ wrote:.....I insisted to his legal aid that he contact me today. INSTEAD - He forwarded me an email to OC.....
Red flag. It's Friday afternoon. No direct contact, like a phone call.
Your attorney is avoiding you. He's hoping you'll forget this over the weekend.
You need to have a come to jesus meeting with your attorney.

_ProudPoppa_ wrote:.....husband shall pay wife $xxx per month for support obligations. This is only for CS and daycare. But it's rolled into one.
Blank check. You're being set up for CS deviation in the final order.
Here's the deal: At the end of the day, the Order makes no distinction for "deviation," only CS.

_ProudPoppa_ wrote:I'm not asking for anything unfair.
In this game, nothing is fair. You don't get if you never ask.

_ProudPoppa_ wrote:It's an "Agreed Order".....I feel like I have a good grasp on what I want. 50/50 custody, holiday schedule, parenting plan steps up to 7/7 (currently 2-2-3). Also schools, ROFR, taxes, 50/50 split of all kiddos expenses.
CS and daycare notwithstanding, what else did you get in the "Agreed Order??"

Did you get any of what you wanted?? For that matter, did you get anything at all??

Is CS calculation based upon some "agreed to" parenting plan?? For that matter, do you even have a parenting plan??

_ProudPoppa_ wrote:.....I also don't know what I don't know.
The only way you can know (or find out) is to manage your case personally, proactively, and preemptively. You must never rely on your attorney to do this for you.

Tom
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Re: Update/Help

Unread postby _ProudPoppa_ » Sat Jan 13, 2018 2:29 pm

I do have 50/50 (2-2-3) in my Agreed Orders. I agree that he's setting a pattern. I do have an in office meeting with him next week. That will be when I make my decision to keep him or not. Waiting to hear back on what he accomplishes on the child care payments.

On Friday I did call an attorney I previously consulted with before I hired my current. He was was out of the office, so I hope to hear back from him on Monday. He is who I will hire next.
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