Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby PerniciousLord » Thu Jan 11, 2018 9:58 am

I don't know how this sounds...

"I was having a hard day at work, with the holidays and everything coming up, I had A LOT on my mind. I was also worried about my wife, she wasn’t doing well, she felt sick and was depressed about potentially being pregnant. I left work early to get her into the doctor. After dinner, I tried to engage her in conversation, she blew up on me. She yelled at me, which hurt me and scared me because she had *NEVER* done that before. In a moment of depression, and fear I grabbed her gun and the magazine from the cabinet and left for the garage. After I felt things had cooled off, I went back inside. To show her I wasn’t going to hurt her or the kids, I gave her the pistol back by the barrel. At this point I found out she called the police, so I went outside and waited for them. I asked them to take me somewhere safe, that I could get treatment for my depression and anxiety."
Last edited by PerniciousLord on Thu Jan 11, 2018 10:13 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby afc » Thu Jan 11, 2018 9:59 am

Leave this part out or temper it

" She yelled at me, which hurt me and scared me because she had *NEVER* done that before."

Because you are divorcing and you will be hurt and scared again. Your actions should not depend on what she did.

They want to know that you can be subjected to hurt and yelling again and not reach for a gun.

Your making it sound like "well, if she wasnt so mean to me, I wouldnt have done it!"
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby PerniciousLord » Thu Jan 11, 2018 10:14 am

afc wrote:Leave this part out or temper it
"She yelled at me, which hurt me and scared me because she had *NEVER* done that before."
Because you are divorcing and you will be hurt and scared again. Your actions should not depend on what she did.
They want to know that you can be subjected to hurt and yelling again and not reach for a gun.
Your making it sound like "well, if she wasnt so mean to me, I wouldnt have done it!"


Any possible suggestions?
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby grandet2 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 10:40 am

Bro,
I carry a loaded gun most of the time on me, when I grab a gun, it implies it is loaded, when I store it, I store the gun in one safe and the magazine a separate safe. They are never in the same location. Please keep the details out.

Too much detail - what not to say:
I picked up the gun with my right hand and 3 finger, I played with the trigger for 15 seconds with my middle finger (raise said finger and point at judge). It felt really good, I picked up the magazine with my mouth and it took me 3.4 seconds to insert it into the gun, oh it felt really really good. I did not rack it as I had a large Popsicle in my other hand, it was cherry flavor my favorite, my hand was getting sticky, so I licked it few times [demonstrate to judge how you licked your finger][sorry for the sarcasm]

10000 ft overview what happened:
You came home, already stressed from the tension between you and mother [yes use mother, it will have the judge/court clerk wiping their eyes]. Mother was not herself, she started shouting, she accused you of sexually assaulting her. You could not believe your ears. She mentioned she has a gun in the house. You were panicking, first thing went through your mind was removing the weapon from the house. You thought it would be best to be outside to de-escalate. [insert mother called the cops and you found out], you were relieved. You disarmed the gun and gave it back to her and waited outside.

The last part of she calling the cops and you returning the gun will get sticky, so work on a plausible scenario, above is an example. Don't say anything about magazine, use words like making sure the gun was safe. You are not thinking clearly, worried about safety. You realized both your need help and you raised your hand and took positive steps towards it.

Make the latter the focus, how you working hard to be healthy and focus on parenting work with mother for the best interest of the children.
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby grandet2 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 11:10 am

fisher_dad wrote:You need to get your pointed story down. If you get wordy or start to dig into time the judge may put a stop on you, and hard. I had that experience as my emotions had my story of woe going...I spent a month of unsupervised < parenting time > being doled out crumbs of time with my kids and literally pushed out the door at times until the order was vacated.
You need to keep your cool and kids first in there buddy, it's up to 1 over scheduled person what lies in your near future, and you need to appeal to them with provable truth and wrap it with facts.


I am not an emotional person, but when it comes to the little beings that call me daddy. I remember my first attorney telling me that I may end up with supervised parenting time, it opened up so many emotions. I was heartbroken, at that moment I realized this was war, I was ready to burn every tree in the world for those 2 little beings who call me daddy.

The court, OC and your loving nj wifes/gfs know that to trigger an animalistic response from you, all they have to do is push some buttons and call you an angry unstable person who will harm his own children.

Your instant reaction will be bark back "You C&ck sucker, I will rip your head off and shite down your...."
and once you do say that, they will go "See your honor, here we go again, this man is damaging for his children".

Bite your tongue, shake your head, throw your hands up in the air and say "Your honor, it is obvious what she is saying that she is unable to support a healthy relationship between the father and the children".
So every time OC makes an accusation, don't defend it, accuse them of just trying to kick you in the nuts again when you are working so hard to be a good dad.

Bro, this is family court, the truth has not place it it, if you believe they will be fair if you tell the truth then you might was well believe that "Anna Nicole married for love".
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Jan 11, 2018 11:13 am

10000 ft overview what happened:


OP went for a gun when stressed.


Judges see the results of this daily. Don't expect a judge to minimize the action.
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby PerniciousLord » Thu Jan 11, 2018 12:05 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:
10000 ft overview what happened:


OP went for a gun when stressed.


Judges see the results of this daily. Don't expect a judge to minimize the action.


You are right, I did go for the gun. For four years, she has done nothing but tell me that all our problems were my fault, that I didn't try hard enough, didn't do this didn't do that, everything has always been me. For a very short time, I thought she'd be better off. That's why I did what I did. I know the court won't care. I realize now, things I didn't realize then. She has been looking for a way out of the marriage for a while, she used this event as a catalyst. My wife is a huge hypocrite, she has countless times said she wanted to die, or said shoot me or this or that. The only way I could possibly beat this is by using that, because she had snapchatted me saying that if she were pregnant, she couldn't handle it and would kill herself.
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby afc » Thu Jan 11, 2018 12:14 pm

What you need to do it _leave your wife's actions/words/etc out of it_.

I did this
I have never done anything like it before
It was in the heat of the moment
I calmed down
I got help
Here is the help I am getting
I will never do anything like it again
I don't even own a gun anymore.
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby steelmark » Thu Jan 11, 2018 12:20 pm

Good job on addressing your own issues and are getting help.

You reacted by getting a gun. That’s all I see in these 2 pages of people telling you how to beat a restraining order that you brought on with your own choice at that moment in time. You grabbed a gun.

You keep saying your ex wanted this or that and used it as a catalyst, but YOU picked up a gun. You did.

Your very last post starts with you acknowledging you picked up a gun, then you go to blame her for causing you to pick up a gun.

Stop blaming anyone else bro. Your redemption is to be a better version of you, and no one controls that but you.
Prepare and execute to win by a thousand miles, just to be in position to win by an inch.
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby grandet2 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 12:59 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:
10000 ft overview what happened:


OP went for a gun when stressed.


Judges see the results of this daily. Don't expect a judge to minimize the action.


This, and what others have said - You did it,
You OWN up it, when you take responsibility, you shut them up. Don't make that the focus, move on to the next steps.

Why you did it, what went through your mind - let's keep those to yourself.

Yes she pushed to a point, yes she knew what she was doing, you need to realize that you need to get back in the driver seat and take 1 day and 1 step at a time and just enjoy the little things in life.

Write down all the times she threatened to harm herself, then write down how you handled it then and how will you handle it now?
Last edited by grandet2 on Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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