Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

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Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby PerniciousLord » Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

What do you think would be the best method of defending of myself from the "DV" charges? This is literally what she put on the temporary order, " 12-23-17: had loaded weapon around children and I. Yelling. Police Removed him. 12/25-27/17: called from mental healthcare facility & will call until I answer (then scribbled out something, which I assume to read 'attempts to reconcile.')"

And then in the section where it says "I am afraid of Respondent and there is an immediate and present danger of Domestic Violence to me or other good cause for an emergency temporary order of protection because: 'Had loaded weapon around children and I with unknown motives after previously(minutes before) arguing and yelling at me. Then tried to coerce me into "working things out before police arrived.'

She accused me of placing or attempting to place her in apprehension of immediate physical harm, coerced her, harassed her, and sexually assaulted her.

None of what happened did so as she said, and I don't know what to do or how to defend myself. This is literally what happened...

I was having a rough day at work, my boss had been riding me about this and that, making me seem and feel like a failure. Just constantly belittling me. Also, being as it was almost Christmas, I had been thinking about those I've lost and almost lost. All the pain I've been through in my past. I couldn't handle it, I felt like I was being crushed by the weight of it all, especially considering the marital problems my wife and I were already having. I came home early from work because of that, and the fact that my wife needed to go get meds for a sinus infection, which she did as soon as I got home. Then I cooked dinner, I ate in the dining room with my boys, while she ate in the living room, and played on her phone. We then sat down to watch the Grinch, I tried to initiate a conversation with her. I wanted to try to figure out where we were and what was going on with her. We had just gone to our first marital counselling session just two days prior(Also, the event occurred on the 22nd not the 23rd). She got defensive, started to shut down, and I asked her about my emotional needs since she brought up her own. She then threw out something about sexual assault, which she had never done before. I tried to question her about it. She yelled at me, then told me to just get out. That was basically the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. I started crying, profusely, and I went and grabbed her gun, and the magazine. She yelled at me again, asking what I was doing, through tears I simply told her “Leave me alone.” I didn't even load the firearm until I was out in my garage, sitting in my Bronco II. By this point I had put the magazine in the gun, and started crying even harder. I began punching my steering wheel because I wanted to die, but I knew my kids needed me, so I couldn't do it. I then went back into the house, she had taken all the kids into my stepson's room and closed the door. I knocked on the door then begged her to take the pistol from me and keep it away from me. She opened the door, and I handed it to her with the barrel facing myself. Then I went and got my key to the gun cabinet and gave it to her. Between sobs, I told her how sorry I was, how much I loved her, how stupid I was, and things like that. I then got my shoes on, and went and curled up outside in the cold while I waited for the police, I was talking to my mom when they got there, and I voluntarily admitted myself for treatment of severe depression/anxiety, suicidal intent, high blood pressure, and high blood sugar.

I've got a great attorney to help me fight this. I just didn't know if you could think of anything I can use to discredit her, to show them I'm not a danger to her or my kids, that I never was. I have texts after the fact where she said I was a good dad and that she wouldn't take my kids from me. Where she said she cared about me and would be there for me as a friend. Do you think those things would show that she obviously didn't feel I was a danger to her or my kids? I plan on subpoenaing the officer I left with, for his testimony, because he didn't even file a report or take statements or anything they would in a dangerous situation. I just need advice to make sure I get this defeated, because it is totally bogus.
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby afc » Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:22 am

Get rid of the guns.

Give them to your lawyer for safe keeping or store them off site or something.

But please consider getting rid of them permanently until you are in a better place.

The fact that when you hit low, you went to get a gun and contemplated taking yourself away from your children is not healthy. The temptation should be removed.
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby PerniciousLord » Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:26 am

I don't have access to ANY firearms at the present. I'm not even staying with my STBX, due to the order. The pistol was hers, and I had given her my only key to the cabinet.
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby PerniciousLord » Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:40 am

I also have my safety plan/treatment goals from when I admitted myself for treatment. I've been on my Lexapro since the 24th of December, and I feel so much better, plus going to all the group therapy sessions(and talking about things) helped tremendously.

I just need to know is anyone has an ideas on a good way to fight this bogus order before it has a chance to become permanent.
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:48 am

I think you need to take the position that while you had a low point, you are seeking treatment. This shouldn't prevent you from seeing the child as you have surrendered any and all fire arms. I would also refute any bogus claims and also highlight past involvement with children.

Lastly, no parent should be denied their children if they are getting treatment. If you do have less than ideal parenting time become status quo, you should secure some sort of step up plan that allows you to resume parenting time at equal amounts.

Bottom line - you need to get and stay healthy not only for yourself, but your children.
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby dad2grls » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:12 am

I was the subject of a bogus DV order and was removed from my home by 2 sheriff's deputies in the middle of the night. So I can relate to guys who have been served with such an order, by a wife who is looking to get a step ahead in a divorce situation.

In your case? You admit to being in a severe emotional state of despair and there you are sitting in your car in your garage with a loaded gun in your hand seriously considering offing yourself, and subsequently you beg your wife to take the gun away from you.

Based on what you wrote there's nothing to discredit here, you appear to very much be a threat to yourself and probably to others based on your actions and your wife (unlike the vast majority of wives who serve protective orders in a divorce) appears to be entirely justified and I doubt there's a judge in this country who would believe otherwise.

Your best course of action is to show that you are actively seeking treatment and ultimately get letters and recommendations from your treating doctors that say you are not a danger to yourself or others. Expect it to take time, these things don't change overnight. What's troubling is that your main concern is "how can I beat the protection order" rather than "I'm really messed up I need to fix this because next time I might take things a bit further". Although you say something about treatment goals it seems to be more of an afterthought than anything else. You got serious issues dude, and until and unless you acknowledge them, you won't be able to fix them.
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby PerniciousLord » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:30 am

dad2grls wrote:I was the subject of a bogus DV order and was removed from my home by 2 sheriff's deputies in the middle of the night. So I can relate to guys who have been served with such an order, by a wife who is looking to get a step ahead in a divorce situation.

In your case? You admit to being in a severe emotional state of despair and there you are sitting in your car in your garage with a loaded gun in your hand seriously considering offing yourself, and subsequently you beg your wife to take the gun away from you.

Based on what you wrote there's nothing to discredit here, you appear to very much be a threat to yourself and probably to others based on your actions and your wife (unlike the vast majority of wives who serve protective orders in a divorce) appears to be entirely justified and I doubt there's a judge in this country who would believe otherwise.

Your best course of action is to show that you are actively seeking treatment and ultimately get letters and recommendations from your treating doctors that say you are not a danger to yourself or others. Expect it to take time, these things don't change overnight. What's troubling is that your main concern is "how can I beat the protection order" rather than "I'm really messed up I need to fix this because next time I might take things a bit further". Although you say something about treatment goals it seems to be more of an afterthought than anything else. You got serious issues dude, and until and unless you acknowledge them, you won't be able to fix them.


I get what you are saying, I really do. I know I have issues, I've been through and seen a lot in my short life. I fully admit that, that is why I voluntarily left, and why I voluntarily sought treatment. I made my safety plan and treatment goals the first day I was in the mental heath facility, I attended every single group therapy session, and even met with counsellors independently. I've focused a great deal of time already on trying to get things set up, so I can follow through with my safety plan, my treatment plan/goals. And I'm going to continue to do so, for myself and my children, they are my life. She didn't even file the order until 5 days after I had left. Literally the day after I left, she was texting me, telling me I was a great father, that she would always be there as a friend for me, that she'd never try to take my kids away from me, and the like. That in and of itself contradicts the entire thought of a restraining order, in my opinion. Someone who was in fear for their life and safety would never say or do such things.
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:33 am

Youre in a tough situation. She doing what she's been advised to do.

Its what we would advise others to do.

Stay strong, you'll get through this.
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby grandet2 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:39 am

Brother,
1. Immediately find a father friendly therapist that is covered by your insurance and start seeing him for stress of pending divorce etc for ongoing treatment.
2. You need to pull it together for the children, we are here for you, please do u a favor, stop trying to explain things to her and focus on children.
3. This is family court, what is real is what you believe is real and you make them believe is real.
4. You don't scream at them that you are sane, you have experts do it for you.

5. Let's go over what happened that day:
Your sweet loving wife start talking delusional stuff about sexual assault etc. She started arguing with you and you did want things to escalate, you [insert you version here], then removed firearm that is hers, and then you made sure it was put away.[again, come up with a plausible story here]
tell us a version pls.

You left her and went outside as you did not want her to use firearm to make false accusations against you. You get the jest.

6. You don't texts from her to prove you are a good dad bro, you ARE a good dad, but you need believe that and go into court with the attitude that you will willing to get help if needed and you are scared of her and her delusional stuff which is not good for the children.

So, imagine you are addressing the court, tell us what happened that day again pls?
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
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Re: Ex Parte Order Defense Questions..?

Unread postby grandet2 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:43 am

What she is doing is typical of loving females, she baited you. My loving ex tried the same, it is not a good feeling to realize someone you loved and had children with can do such.

This is war bro, you need to win for the children, stay calm and don't give her any hint you will fight this, just say to her how much you love her and you will do anything for the children and her.
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
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