Third Party Communication ideas

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Third Party Communication ideas

Unread postby DonnyBrook » Thu Jan 04, 2018 2:23 pm

Good morning,

Been divorced since March 2017 and could not be happier except when it comes to having to talk to the ex about custody issues etc. Basically I have my daughter 3 of every 4 weekends and every other Wednesday overnight. Except my ex keeps trying to alter my having her with her usual dramatics and putting my kid in the middle. I have never missed a weekend with my kid or during the weeknight and have never missed a child support payment.

Is there something out there that I can suggest look I want to communicate through a third party message system since I am kinda tired of being verbally abused in the texts and blocking you will work.. but then I still have to think of my kid if something comes up so.

Anyone do this ?

Appreciate it!
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Re: Third Party Communication ideas

Unread postby afc » Thu Jan 04, 2018 2:25 pm

How about not responding to them.

Glance at them
Quickly assess if they are important
If so, respond appropriately
If not, roll eyes and delete
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Re: Third Party Communication ideas

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 2:29 pm

a parent should never withhold a child over child support regardless, that is just sick and gross. Its great that you exercise all the time with your kid you can. What is it specifically that you consider abusive? You wouldn't have a new woman in your life would you?
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Re: Third Party Communication ideas

Unread postby ScaredNConfused » Thu Jan 04, 2018 2:52 pm

Our Family Wizard (OFW) and Talking Parent are two that I know of. My ex and I are court ordered to use OFW for communication about the kids including calendar for parenting time and activities/appointments. I pay the extra for the tone meter and except for one time I quoted part of the orders, I rewrite my stuff to have a better tone. I can tell my ex doesn't use the tone meter.

When I took the high conflict parenting class, one lady was using Talking Parent and started to pay the extra where Talking Parent has someone review and rewrite messages to take the hostility out of them.

The bad news is you'll likely have to get court orders to use one otherwise what incentive does your ex have?
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Re: Third Party Communication ideas

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Thu Jan 04, 2018 3:03 pm

What's the actual issue with her requests? Is she trying to get more parenting time from you without offering up makeup time? That's simple to address by locking in the makeup time at the same time you agree to the deviation. No makeup time = no deviation. When she proposes a change in parenting time you do not want, reply with "I will abide by the parenting plan." Just realize at some point it may be desirable for you to initiate the parenting time swap.

Good job on never missing your parenting time. Your daughter is counting on you to be there.
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Re: Third Party Communication ideas

Unread postby DonnyBrook » Thu Jan 04, 2018 4:13 pm

Thanks for the replies folks. Appreciate it. I very much utilize the "per the divorce agreement" when I talk to her. She is upset because of the extra weekend I get with my daughter (although it was her idea to give me the extra weekend believing that all men don't want to see their kids so I wouldn't utilize it) and she still gets a lot more days than I do. I purposely wanted the divorce agreement to state consecutive weekends to make it simple. Over x-mas break she had her a week and then she had our daughter 23rd and 24th weekend. Then I had her all week after that (agreed to spilt the 2 week x-mas break) so last weekend was my first of 3 consecutive weekends..at least in my mind and how the divorce agreement exactly reads.LOL. So I send my daughter a message hey see you Friday and she says I'm supposed to be with mom this weekend. And I go um.. don't think so... So that leads to me getting the usual abusive messages within 30 minutes which don't bother me at all considering the source.. But she really tries to be a victim to my 11 year old wheich really drives me nuts.. nice parenting..But now my kid says well we already made plans dad blah blah so I said okay I guess. To HER. Not my ex.

I think I need to tape a calendar to my ex's head or something with " 3 consecutive weeks" in crayon or something marked out each weekend.. Hence why I think this would be a LOT easier if these things were communicated through a third party at this point..
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Re: Third Party Communication ideas

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:14 pm

Unless I'm misunderstanding you, you claim you don't miss parenting time with your daughter, yet you just rolled over about your stipulated parenting time.

The parenting time schedule needs to be crystal clear for your daughter's benefit. Next time she comes over, have a month long calendar on the frig that's color coded: time with you, and time with the mother. Give her a printed copy to take with her to her mother's.
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Re: Third Party Communication ideas

Unread postby DonnyBrook » Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:24 pm

I wouldn't say "rolled over" per se. Ex planned a bunch of stuff with my daughter and my kid was excited to do some of those things so as it easy as it would be to say "tough" to my kid.. I thought better of it and just said okay for you I'll bend..
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Re: Third Party Communication ideas

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:27 pm

Unless you negotiated makeup time at the same time you agreed to the deviation, then you rolled over.
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Re: Third Party Communication ideas

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:45 pm

said another way, she doesn't have the authority to make plans on your time just like you don't do the same, unless previously agreed upon. Obviously within reason, but if she is scheduling things on your time, you need to look to adjust the agreement so you aren't constantly having to surrender your 1:1 time with the child.

By the way, did I miss it, how old is the child?
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