First day of school

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Re: First day of school

Unread postby RC611V » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:49 pm

Hm. how do we know his lawyer is an idiot?

What is an idiot anyway? haha.

I try to encourage my kids not to call people names or cuss. I've realized they learn some of those things from... ME!

So I try to stop that.

I think it is a good thing you asked for it up front. Good advice from your lawyer, idiot or not. I was in court and tried to modify some thing I'd requested in my original filing. The judge said, 'That's not what you wrote down before, what changed your mind?' and it was an awkward moment.

So, maybe it isn't exactly, literally true that you can't request something at a later point, including support, but it is a good idea to ask for what you want, right up front.

I don't think your lawyer is an idiot.
Only chicky dudes send PMs and then delete them before they're read, in the middle of the night.
User avatar
RC611V
5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 5345
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 12:05 pm
Location: doing a stoppie

Re: First day of school

Unread postby scoutdad » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:55 pm

I dont know. He just said if she starts working, and we dont ask for support now, we cant ask later, that we have to ask now. Maybe its a state thing?

She has been getting help from a mutual friend couple, literally getting her a phone, watching the kids etc. They turned on her yesterday and now she is feeling the pressure. I have not talked to them but I guess they are seeing I am not the bad person I was made out to be.
scoutdad
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 258
Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2013 11:51 am

Re: First day of school

Unread postby RC611V » Fri Jan 05, 2018 4:10 pm

Just keep cool, be nice to everybody, don't talk bad about her or anybody else, be the best person you can be in general.

It is a weird phase, like the advice is pretty normal, it is just critical, and easy to do dumb stuff because in the stressful moments you can lose your temper or lose your cool or whatever.

So, be a good person, don't gossip. That is just plain good advice, right? Like, you should do that every day of your life, not just during divorce. But just remember that it is extra important. And don't do it trying to win favor or turn someone to your side. Just be a good person in general. Be a good dad in general. Love your kids. Take care of them. Not to get out of paying child support, but because they're your kids and you love each other.

And it isn't true that you can't request support at a later date. But sometimes it takes time. Like, when you get a final judgment, in general, you can't request modifications for some length of time, unless there are dramatic changes in circumstances. So much of the legal process isn't based on specific laws or rules, but just on practicality. The judge can't decide every detail of every case, and can't evaluate child support every month or two when someone decides they want more money, for every case in their court. That would be insane, would make the lines at the DMV look miniscule, right?

So it is probably a practical thing from your lawyer, ask now, be up front, don't hope things change and then go back for them. Just like custody bro. Do your best now, don't try to change it later. Do your best right now.
Only chicky dudes send PMs and then delete them before they're read, in the middle of the night.
User avatar
RC611V
5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 5345
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 12:05 pm
Location: doing a stoppie

Re: First day of school

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 5:31 pm

Don't you think it is prudent on you OP to find out? I have NEVER heard of child support being non modifiable. Point to a single experience in which child support has EVER been registered unmodifiable. It essentially flies against ALL legal precedent. So for a lawyer to suggest that, absolutely makes them an idiot or taking you for an idiot.
scoutdad wrote:I dont know. He just said if she starts working, and we dont ask for support now, we cant ask later, that we have to ask now. Maybe its a state thing?

OP - how do you know this? What business is it of yours and how does this help you prepare for life after your STBX? How about this, whats the scoops on your EAP?
scoutdad wrote:She has been getting help from a mutual friend couple, literally getting her a phone, watching the kids etc. They turned on her yesterday and now she is feeling the pressure. I have not talked to them but I guess(?) they are seeing I am not the bad person I was made out to be.
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1784
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Re: First day of school

Unread postby Chaos » Fri Jan 05, 2018 6:16 pm

It could just be that his attorney didn't feel like dealing with the extra work of modifying the paperwork later and gave him the quick and easy answer, that it's not modifiable, when in fact it's just a pain in the < hindquarters >.

I have a family member who waived child support because dad had a substantial amount of time with the kids. Dad moved away two months after the papers were finalized, stopped seeing the kids. She filed for child support a few months after that. His attorney argued that because she'd waived child support originally, she couldn't come back and ask for it now.

He lost that argument but it added an extra layer of bs and an extra hearing to sort it out.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
User avatar
Chaos
Moderator
 
Posts: 2776
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:21 pm

Re: First day of school

Unread postby Havalu7 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 6:18 pm

And of course the lawyer did it for free too.
"No." is a complete sentence.

Do not move out of your house.
User avatar
Havalu7
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1860
Joined: Wed Jan 27, 2016 10:43 am

Re: First day of school

Unread postby Chaos » Fri Jan 05, 2018 6:23 pm

Havalu7 wrote:And of course the lawyer did it for free too.


...No.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
User avatar
Chaos
Moderator
 
Posts: 2776
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:21 pm

Re: First day of school

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 6:28 pm

is it your belief that child support is non modifiable? Would you not think it prudent to point out this egregious comment especially with OP?
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1784
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Re: First day of school

Unread postby Chaos » Fri Jan 05, 2018 6:30 pm

No I think it's stupid for his attorney to tell him that. However I also wonder if he wasn't tired of explaining why things should be done a certain way by that point in the conversation, just based on what I'm looking at.

I'm not excusing it, but I can empathize.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
User avatar
Chaos
Moderator
 
Posts: 2776
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:21 pm

Re: First day of school

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 6:43 pm

Haha, picking up what you're putting down.
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1784
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

PreviousNext

Return to Before and During Divorce Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 11 guests