I’m having an emotional affair

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Re: I’m having an emotional affair

Unread postby 133pm » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:39 pm

massdad1234 wrote:What i'm saying is, this is pretty simple. You don't want to be with her, she doesn't want to be with you. Status quo is you are the primary parent and she can support herself. Based on that, file as primary, put an offer in front of her and get this thing moving, unless.......


Yup sounds good when you put it like that. Divorce is a scary concept that’s all. Reading around here, I’m clearly in a really good position in a lot of ways. And honestly I think she’s in a good position to get what she wants too (based on what she wants now). That’s the bonus of wanting totally different things than your spouse. It matters because I’m hoping for it to go smoothly, low conflict. It’s more likely to go smoothly if everyone gets what they want.

I find it telling your wondering what she will think/trying to get into her mind to know what she will do. Unless you didn't explain something, that is something she has never really cared about, and to be honest neither did you. I think there is a lot of projecting from dads here that their marriages ended on an affair or something similar, so I think that element is at play.


I’m not sure what you mean by this?
What is something it seems she never cared about and neither did I?
133pm
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Re: I’m having an emotional affair

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:16 am

its good that you are reading a lot here, the next step is to post on other threads. To venture out outside your own threads and read, listen and learn from other posters. That is where you will take a huge step forward in your personal growth (if you want to + a little salty joke here and there) by posting and commenting on others. It was recommended to me and countless others, and once you do, really invest into helping others, you gain clarity on your situation, its crazy. So venture out, post on others, you have lots to offer and even more to gain.
133pm wrote:What is something it seems she never cared about and neither did I?

It seems obvious to me, neither one of you really cared what the other was thinking, so why start or put that into your thought process when you are divorcing? Actions speak louder than words, so it just seems this marriage has been an empty shell for quite some time. I would say that is the scarier proposition, did your kids normalize your relationship already? Do you want them repeating your relationship choices? Because I'm guilty of thinking the kids will listen more to what I say and not what I do. You can say whatever you want, but they see two people that hardly spend anytime together, staying together,
"for who?"
"for what?"
massdad1234
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Re: I’m having an emotional affair

Unread postby 133pm » Tue Jan 09, 2018 2:58 pm

massdad I feel under-qualified to do that and I’d hate to give people bad advice. I’ll try though if I see one I know something about.

Ohhh I see what you’re saying. Yes that’s true. I guess start now because I want something from her now (an amicable resolution) whereas before I didn’t.

The kids definitely normalized it. My youngest two have pretty much never seen anything else. And I think all young kids assume that their family is a “normal family” at first. I rationalized it because we don’t have an explosive fighting type of relationship. We argue sometimes but there’s no screaming or dramatics. Kind of like divorced parents who attend birthday parties together is how I see it. Tbh I’m not sure how much that can change.
133pm
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Re: I’m having an emotional affair

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Jan 09, 2018 3:10 pm

life changes, get out of your comfort zone. You are getting a divorce :lol:

I find it hard to believe, that someone that seeks outside advice has nothing to bring to the table. Sometimes hearing someone else describes their situation helps not only you have clarity on theirs, but your own.
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