Saw Ex Yelling at D13

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Saw Ex Yelling at D13

Unread postby j_briden » Mon Jan 01, 2018 11:55 am

It was when we did the exchange. We do it at the PD parking lot and on the way there, my daughter got a call from her mom and can sort of hear that my ex was yelling to which my daughter kept replying quietly "ok, ok". Then when she got into her car, my ex didn't drive off right away but kept talking, from what I can see but not hear, angrily with gestures and pointing her finger at stuff. That lasted 3-4 minutes.

I've never seen anyone being so angry at my daughter but certainly recognized the angry outburst of my ex. It was heartbreaking.

Is it better to leave it alone? Or, to try and talk to my daughter and find out what happened? I know talking to my ex would be pointless...

TIA
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Re: Saw Ex Yelling at D13

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Jan 01, 2018 12:23 pm

There's not much you can control about the relationship between D and her mom. Mom is showing D who she is. Theres not much you can to to shield her from it.
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Re: Saw Ex Yelling at D13

Unread postby massdad1234 » Mon Jan 01, 2018 1:50 pm

let your D know that you are always there for her, but as FoF mentions, you can't worry about her relationship with her mother anymore.

I would see if she would open up to you, but the last thing you would want to do is confront the mother about anything your D shares with you.

remind me again where you are in the process. With the two of you meeting at a police department, i'm assuming it was contentious.
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Re: Saw Ex Yelling at D13

Unread postby j_briden » Mon Jan 01, 2018 4:23 pm

I hear you guys. The thing is, I wouldn't let anybody talk to my D that way and if it were somebody else, I'd make it clear that they'll deal with me if they continue to do what they are doing. I'd definitely do it if this was my wife and not my ex wife.

Yes, I'd assure her that I'm there for her, as that's exactly what I did that day by a text as soon as they left.

The exchange place is something she chose because she didn't want me near her new husband's home. Maybe he wanted it that way, I don't know but it's closer for me so I don't mind.
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Re: Saw Ex Yelling at D13

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Jan 01, 2018 5:07 pm

With anyone else, you can restrict their access to the child but you can't dictate their speech. You can't really do either with mom.

You can try but you should seriously ask yourself if you think it will do any good.
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Re: Saw Ex Yelling at D13

Unread postby whatever_works » Mon Jan 01, 2018 9:53 pm

OP I feel your pain. But my advice is to let it go. DGAF, please. Mom has her own parenting style. You have no control over it. If D13 comes to you, then you can think about what to do. If it is something innocuous, I would say something like "mom must have been upset at what you did."
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Re: Saw Ex Yelling at D13

Unread postby j_briden » Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:11 am

yeah, I know I have no control over my ex's behavior but I felt like I need to walk to her car and say "don't talk like that to my daughter"

I know we all think the world revolves around us, so a small part of me thinks that my ex was upset with D because of something related to the exchange and me. The order says the exchange is at 10am. We were on the way when my D got the angry call around 9:45. So I'm thinking ex told D that she's picking her up earlier and was expecting her to relay that to me. For the last 4 months or so, ever since I lost my job and filed for suspension of CS, she has stopped communicating with me, except through her lawyer.
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Re: Saw Ex Yelling at D13

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 1:45 pm

if I had to bet the reason why your STBX is taking out hositlities on your
j_briden wrote:ever since I lost my job and filed for suspension of CS, she has stopped communicating with me, except through her lawyer.
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Re: Saw Ex Yelling at D13

Unread postby whatever_works » Tue Jan 02, 2018 2:21 pm

j_briden wrote: "don't talk like that to my daughter"


She is her daughter too. I am not stating the obvious - but making a point.

Also, 13 is about the age when your daughter starts to need less protection from dad. She should be able to handle her mom's yelling however unfair it might be. Just something to keep in mind.
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Re: Saw Ex Yelling at D13

Unread postby grandet2 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 5:30 pm

whatever_works wrote:
j_briden wrote: "don't talk like that to my daughter"


She is her daughter too. I am not stating the obvious - but making a point.

Also, 13 is about the age when your daughter starts to need less protection from dad. She should be able to handle her mom's yelling however unfair it might be. Just something to keep in mind.


I have a child of that age, and I have a loving ex who regular yells at the children.

Loving nj women use "yelling" as a tool to control everyone around them, including minor children.

I respectfully disagree, everyone needs protection from nj women yelling at them especially minor children, more so girls.

Try this social experiment, start yelling at your female friend/family like your loving ex, ask them afterwards how they felt.

Back on topic:
Talk to your D, see how she is feeling, help her work things out and lift her mood. I teach my children not to argue but to negotiate.
Last edited by grandet2 on Wed Jan 03, 2018 9:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
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