Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

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Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Oganirec » Tue Dec 26, 2017 4:21 pm

Before I start divorce proceedings , I want to do lot of preparation in the background and be ready for what might come at me in future. One thing I know that I have to handle is my wife's ill treatment of me and interactions with kids both less than 10 years old. How can I be prepared for the following :
All these scenarios are after I make it official about divorce, lawyer, divorce papers, settlement agreements etc. I am planning on filing for joint legal and joint physical custody.

1. I try to be as normal with kids as possible, but my wife will intervene and say insulting things to me in front of kids. She is enraged, mad and completely crazy in her acts. She will not let me leave the room or let us have a private moment just between dad and kids. She will constantly say incorrect, false allegations against me in front of kids or outright inappropriate language in front of small kids. How should I respond and react to all of this during the time I have to be in the same residence (until one of us find another home/apt)?
2. She wont let me sleep at night. She will constantly call me on my phone (we would now be in separate bedrooms in same house). She will come and sit with me on the same bed, wont let me sleep. What should I do?
3. She will take kids and be away for hours (or days who knows what might happen, it is possible) without informing me. She will have no sensitivity to school work, school timings, kids well being, only hurting me or getting back at me is her full time agenda. What should I do in these cases.
4. She will take my personal , work computer, my cell phone and hide it or damage it.. and will ignore my requests to give them back.. how should I handle these situations ?

For all above and any more new scenarios that might come up, I will get very mad and angry, but I have made up my mind that I will not react angrily in front of kids .. and I just cant take on these things with no reaction from my side.. day after day.. seeing kids suffer and seeing kids listen and watch these things .. what can I do.. any advice, suggestions, please help. like I said, I want to be as best prepared as possible when the time comes.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Havalu7 » Tue Dec 26, 2017 4:34 pm

OP you are in the right place!

Have you read the threads about getting a digital audio recorder (DAR) and running covertly 24-7?

Have you read the threads about the List and made your own yet?

Get started on those and some other responses should be on the way.
Last edited by Havalu7 on Wed Dec 27, 2017 12:10 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Chicyn2001 » Tue Dec 26, 2017 5:02 pm

Get that DAR now!!! Don't step foot in that house until you have one in your pocket and recording. My STBX pulls some of the same stunts but she's usually more contained in front of the kids. Aside from protecting you from her yelling and lies, the DAR will help keep your own foot out of your mouth. Many times I've caught myself about to say something stupid but remembered that I'm not only recording her, I'm recording me as well. If she's acting like this now you can imagine how this is going to go when you actually have her served.

If you haven't already, make some time to read through everything you can here. Start with The List and then move on from there. Way too much valuable information on here to not study up on possible scenarios.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby TJinCA » Tue Dec 26, 2017 5:03 pm

If your wife is a genuine crazy person and a danger to your kids, how can you be satisfied with shared custody? In my opinion that's only appropriate when two acceptably good parents can't get along with each other but the kids should have loving relationships with both.

To your scenarios:

1. If possible, have alternate living arrangements for yourself and the kids set up beforehand and move out concurrently with filing. Like, that same day.

2. Put a lock on your bedroom door and turn your phone off. If necessary, get yourself a cheap "burner" phone and give that number to people for emergencies.

3. If it's bad for the kids, get full custody and a restraining order to keep her away from them. If it's OK for the kids and just annoying to you, suck it up.

4. Lock your stuff up in your room and don't give her access.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Trevor » Tue Dec 26, 2017 11:22 pm

1. "Not in front of the kids, Marge."

2. Either put your phone on silent, assign a silent ring tone for her calls/texts, or do a better job ignoring her. Lock the bedroom door every moment you're inside it.

3. At this point, unless you think there is a real, rational possibility that she would do physical harm to your children only to poke your eye in divorce, you should stop awfulizing.

4. Secure your personal items every single moment. When you leave the room, they leave with you. If she breaks down the door to your room while you're showering, and take your personalty, call the police, show them the broken down door, and ask her to be removed immediately from the home. First opportunity after that (i.e., the next possible minute that the courthouse is open), file for a restraining order against her.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Havalu7 » Wed Dec 27, 2017 12:30 am

OP how is it going?

Trevor and TJ really help a lot of guys here, and Cincy definitley was a quick study; we are all rooting for you and your kids.

Remeber not to take the hooks like it appears you have been having some success at. It may not help but saying "You may be right" may diffuse some of her lashing out. Keep you and your kids safe.

Which DAR did you buy the Sony or the Olympus? Don't mess around on this brother. We have had some recent posters whom over thought that decision and regretted not getting it sooner. Luckily of late no one has reported to us of going to jail for false domestic violence charges, we don't want you to be our next "see we told you" poster boy.

The DAR will take some of the pressure off you, knowing it is humming covertly in your pocket; also tempering your responses back to her. No one is to know about this recorder and use that locked spare bedroom or office door when you are downloading to free up space (if necessarry). After this is all over and some semblance of peace has been restored; you will look at this forum and your DAR as lifesavers. Then you too can be a highly paid volunteer and help guys that are right where you are now.

You and uour kids are going to be fine just stay calm and soak up the strategy and steps here to overcome this situation. You can do this dude.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby mgtowthatish » Thu Dec 28, 2017 9:25 am

Oganirec wrote:1. Take your children out of the house to the park, a movie, or other things you enjoy doing with them. Do not engage with crazy.
2. She wont let me sleep at night...get a lock on the door and tell her that you need to collect your thoughts. Don't respond in anger, and always imagine texting your STBX as if you were in front of the judge, your church, and your family.
3. She will take kids and be away for hours (or days who knows what might happen, it is possible) without informing me...this one really worries me. Does your STBX have the majority of her family in another state? My ex tried to abscond with the kids to another state, but I found out ahead of time (another story for another time). Be wary of this.
4. She will take my personal , work computer, my cell phone and hide it or damage it...Get a rolling bag or a backpack. It's your go bag, and you take it everywhere with you.


Someone also posted to call the police to show them the broken door. The police will not bat an eye before telling you that this is a "domestic issue", which will be handled by the family court. You have the right to damage your property and so does she. Women typically become much more violent than men in my observations. Do not hesitate to call the police if she threatens to abuse or harass you though.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Dec 28, 2017 9:52 am

Women typically become much more violent than men in my observations.


Which leaves your observational skills severely in doubt.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Dec 28, 2017 9:54 am

What do you mean, Fo4? You're trying to tell me that virtually all mass shootings in the US haven't been perpetrated by women?
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Dec 28, 2017 10:01 am

I'm saying obvious BS is obvious. Anyone that believes women are by nature more violent than men suffers a disconnect with reality.
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