Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:57 am

what you described above is not a real imminent threat to the children's safety. Not only that, how long has this behavior been going on?

If you were to go through with your options, you would be looked at as controlling and manipulative and gatekeeping the children from their mother, all which would hurt your cases for shared parenting.

You can't make a case by slamming the mother, you must make a case for why you are a great dad. However, if you tolerated it, you signaled to the courts you were ok with it.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby afc » Tue Jan 02, 2018 1:05 pm

A parent is allowed to travel with their children, despite the motivation to travel.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Oganirec » Tue Jan 02, 2018 1:20 pm

Feel like going in circles.. how would you do it, please advise. Mother loses it the second divorce papers are served .. what follows is - mayhem. I have seen worse for much less important arguments etc.

How to shield kids and myself from all of this. You can say "man up", "deaf ear" this and that, but my point is about protecting kids.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby afc » Tue Jan 02, 2018 1:23 pm

You can only protect them from abuse.

Does she hit them? Strike them? Deprive them food and health care? Neglect their schooling to the point they are failing? Make them complete onerous punishments (run around the house 10x in -4 degree weather for dropping a glass - example)

Yes, it's sad you have a wife who yells and who parents in a way that you don't like but is any of this _abuse_?
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Oganirec » Tue Jan 02, 2018 1:57 pm

afc wrote:You can only protect them from abuse.

Does she hit them? Strike them? Deprive them food and health care? Neglect their schooling to the point they are failing? Make them complete onerous punishments (run around the house 10x in -4 degree weather for dropping a glass - example)

Yes, it's sad you have a wife who yells and who parents in a way that you don't like but is any of this _abuse_?



She does not abuse them physically.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Oganirec » Tue Jan 02, 2018 1:57 pm

I am here to see how some of you have handled the kids situation during various stages of divorce. I am not asking here if I am right or should I divorce ? because I already made up my mind. Also since my question was more about kids, I did not detail the circumstances that led me to this point. I will detail now. I am divorcing her for the following reasons: 1. She has BPD (now please don’t question me on this, I know what I am talking about), meaning extremely unstable in how she reacts to different things. Devaluing, insulting, it is hell for lack of another word. 2. Finances, she has to own all, but she does a bad job saving, I know I could do better, but she won’t allow me. 3. Not in talking terms with any of her side of the family or my side of the family. Fights, issues with literally every single one (not exaggerating), not a good role model for kids. 3. Although verbal, emotional abuse towards me is common on a regular basis (based on the records I am keeping, average twice a week and sometimes it runs week after week nonstop) she also has turned physical on me multiple times , with one time I even reached out to cops 4. Extreme insecurity with kids, I am big into surprising kids with ‘stuff’ – she clearly gave me an ultimatum that I cant surprise kids with gifts or even day to day small things without notifying her in advance. I cant give them advice on how to be , how to not behave (just teaching them good manners etc.) because she thinks kids will gravitate towards me more than her which is complete BS. I cannot call my parents or siblings (or even her side of the family) without taking her permission so I am constantly deleting call history from phone , living like a guy who did wrong. Grand parents cannot see the kids unless they call her phone specifically. they cannot be calling my phone to talk to kids. If they call, I cannot be showing kids though video call or something like that. I have to hang up. Just ridiculous stuff like this. There is depression every other week, kids see this , that mom is sad and unhappy with her mental state. One day she is happy, playing games with kids, next day, I am the villain taking the kids away (just for making them good elaborate breakfast). Last thing she is the last one in the world that I can go to get any support when I need it (like stressful weeks at work etc), infact she makes it even harder that it already is for me. There are lot of other things but for the above reasons, I have made up my mind to move on and get a divorce.. just working out the timing and want to be prepared for the things that I have to face from day 1.
Last edited by Oganirec on Tue Jan 02, 2018 2:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Oganirec » Tue Jan 02, 2018 2:06 pm

Things tend to get uglier and uglier with her.. during confrontational situations or issues, arguments. I have seen her hit me in front of kids, run around on the street screaming, take my phone, and lap tops away from me, smash my keys, glasses etc, threaten me and my parents, threaten her siblings with malicious intent, take kids and run away.. have seen all of this and more. I just cant do this any more.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby afc » Tue Jan 02, 2018 2:07 pm

What do you do when she gets violent?


Do you call the police?
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Oganirec » Tue Jan 02, 2018 2:36 pm

afc wrote:What do you do when she gets violent?


Do you call the police?



Called cops once before. but did not go all the way.

Now I am definitely taking this all the way, next time this happens.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 4:27 pm

please use paragraph's and be concise as possible.
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