Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Oganirec » Tue Jan 02, 2018 9:47 am

Thank you every one that responded with support and advice. I know I am starting a very tough phase personally in life.. and I am just gearing up for that by preparing in advance before I initiate the divorce proceedings. I already have a DAR and dealing the arguments, issues in a different way (silent, non reactive, non confrontational) already. I will keep reaching out to this forum in the months to come for advice. thank you for all that you guys do.. one day I would like to be on the other side of this helping others like myself in these situations.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby dadforever » Tue Jan 02, 2018 10:11 am

Fatheroffour wrote:I'm saying obvious BS is obvious. Anyone that believes women are by nature more violent than men suffers a disconnect with reality.


There is a famous study by Dutton and Corvo that concluded that women are equally as violent as men. I think they got it right based on my personal experience. But the feminine imperative thanks you for running to its defense.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Tue Jan 02, 2018 10:17 am

One study, huh?

Your common sense and ability to observe the world around you have failed you spectacularly.

Prisons, wars, serial killers, all of human history......

Yeah, gotta be careful when confronted in a dark alley by a group of violent women.

SMH.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Oganirec » Tue Jan 02, 2018 10:25 am

Guys.. can we stay on the topic please. I appreciate both of your inputs but I dont want this thread to go off a tangent.. thanks.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Oganirec » Tue Jan 02, 2018 10:25 am

This is how I want to plan this. During one of the unnecessary and unwarranted inevitable blow ups that will happen in the coming weeks, I am going to take a firm stand. Be non-reactive, non-confrontational but at the same time not accede even an inch on my principles. This will make her even crazy. I will have a DAR on all the time, make notes, diary etc. every day. She will do the craziness in front of the kids, I want them to see it. If it turns physical on me or there is property damage (what is considered property damage, a simple drinking glass breakage? or hole in the wall? For reporting to police purposes), I will call the police. It pains me to even write this about calling cops and making this kind of public , but I have to take the tough road, enough has been said and done over last decade... If nothing physical happens, she will definitely keep taunting me in private and in front of the kids, in texts, in calls, in emails.. I will have all that documented.

At this point, I have two options.. 1. Send her divorce papers - this will make all hell break lose considering the fight we have been having , she will take the kids and leave, she will contact a lawyer, false accusation to cops (I am concerned with this, DAR will be useful in this situation), bunch of calls to my family and friends to bring me down. I will be living in the same home, but different rooms (unfortunately no door or lock to my new room), if she turns physical or property damage , I would still call cops in this case. I have to live through this for weeks and months ..constant insults in front of kids.. disruption of kids school and activities are possible.

Now option 2 is where I use the ongoing situation, to get a protective order against her (with me and kids) first. And at the same time send her divorce papers, both at the same time. This will make sure she is not around the kids and me to cause more emotional damage. Kids love her and they are very young but I am going to tell them that mommy has to be out for a little while before she cools down. I have no intention of separating the kids and mom, but option 1 seems to be putting myself and kids in more traumatic situation than option 2. Option 2 will shock her and she wont know what hit her.. she might even take the intense revenge path. What can she do immediately after a protective order in option 2.. want to think through the scenarios and be prepared for that.

Advice ? thoughts ?
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:18 am

this is a terrible idea, your job as dad is to protect them from conflict and drama as much as you can. while you can't control what she does, you can reduce conflict as much as possible.
"not in front of the kids" repeat as necessary
"sounds important, send me an email"
"you might be right"
Oganirec wrote:I am going to take a firm stand. Be non-reactive, non-confrontational but at the same time not accede even an inch on my principles. This will make her even crazy. I will have a DAR on all the time, make notes, diary etc. every day. She will do the craziness in front of the kids, I want them to see it.

This is not a time to make a stand, you need to treat this as a business transaction.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Oganirec » Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:31 am

massdad1234 wrote:this is a terrible idea, your job as dad is to protect them from conflict and drama as much as you can. while you can't control what she does, you can reduce conflict as much as possible.
"not in front of the kids" repeat as necessary
"sounds important, send me an email"
"you might be right"
Oganirec wrote:I am going to take a firm stand. Be non-reactive, non-confrontational but at the same time not accede even an inch on my principles. This will make her even crazy. I will have a DAR on all the time, make notes, diary etc. every day. She will do the craziness in front of the kids, I want them to see it.

This is not a time to make a stand, you need to treat this as a business transaction.


okay, got it. You are saying option 2 is better. Option 1 will have the drama in front of kids.. and more.
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:34 am

that's not what i said at all. how is talking to your kids about the divorce putting them first?

How do you think this will look in front of a judge? You are ok with the behaviour up until you file for divorce, then you tell your kids about the process and attempt to remove their mother from their lives?

How is any of that reducing conflict?
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby afc » Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:37 am

I re read your original post and no where do you say she is a danger _to the children_.

Is there something you are leaving out?
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Re: Kids in the mix - My options to handle Ex's craziness

Unread postby Oganirec » Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:54 am

afc wrote:I re read your original post and no where do you say she is a danger _to the children_.

Is there something you are leaving out?


She has taken them out in the past without telling me, and making them go through hours of end less car travel, staying in hotels, staying up in airports through midnight.. kids half awake, half asleep on airport terminal seats for hours together...just out of anger.

She can emotionally drain them, stress them out .. she did in the past ('talking bad about their father, constant crying, emotional black mailing like saying they like their dad more than her , go back to dad, she does not mean anything to them' etc etc..) for gods sake they are less than 10 and in elementary school.

How do I protect them from all this. I give divorce papers, all of this is going to unfold all over again .. in front of them. I have no control. Thats why I mentioned option 2 above .. might be better so I can keep her away until she cools down , comes to her senses and realizes this is over.
Last edited by Oganirec on Tue Jan 02, 2018 12:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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