Bearing it All

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Bearing it All

Unread postby fisher_dad » Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:15 am

First, thank you to the dads soldiering it in here for others, it speaks volumes to your character. I've shared the list to several fellow souls in the same boat and have kept it as my gospel the past year after finding it(Jan). How have I done?,


Marriage: 13 years next Feb, D4, D7

-PFA initiated by her early last year after an incident where I called the police after she attacked me. I got out of there with D4 asap after they got there. 2 weeks later, PFA on me. Trial I catch her in lies with paperwork shown to judge. I file for divorce later that month after being dictated everything for kid time and only in small increments. Judge dismisses PFA citing no danger exists at my filing. I get in the house the next day, I was going nowhere, my kids needed me. She gets home, calls police, they can't do anything, pushes past me, leaves with kids unceremoniously. Kids back a few days later, and welcome to purgatory. Her reply to filing includes accusation of inappropriate touching of the children even though I've bathed them since birth. There's the tip of the iceberg.

-CPS involved due to pfa charge, sent a counselor to house, ended up telling me to get used to time with just me and the girls.

-court date was within initial month, but was pushed back due to my lawyer being sick. next date her lawyer postpones, next date not able to get on docket, next date here recently we get on slim docket first up next day but didn't happen. Next date tbd

-recorder going at all times, journal to paint a bigger picture in another form. pics of hidden alcohol around house to go with NJ behavior

-Kids spend the majority of time with dad every evening/I cook dinners and eat with them, mom in bedroom by own volition. Mornings split per kid to school/daycare trip.

-Cohab days I've called the police when she has pushed me, been out of control screaming at the kids, handled them roughly like dragging up the stairs and holding down and the like, I've tried to stop it before escalation further. The prior calls to 5-0 (2-3)have amounted to nothing.

-When she drinks on top of whatever prescription pills at the time, it can get pretty bad.

-house, rental, debt about matching, nothing to write home about. Kids #1..the rest are flexible.

Going for PC.
There's nothing in place and the marathon continues, trial destined. Counsel has home field advantage.
Giving NJ monthly money for phone, gas, student loan, credit card, nullify the angle.
1 year in now.
Any advice is welcome.
Last edited by fisher_dad on Wed Jan 10, 2018 1:15 am, edited 2 times in total.
You get what you put up with.

The List: http:http://forum.mensdivorce.com//viewtopic.php?t=13374
fisher_dad
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2017 1:43 am

Re: Bearing it ALl

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:26 am

Hello,

ALl that detail, but you missed one - what State do you reside in?

What is your custody goal?
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 27132
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: Bearing it ALl

Unread postby fisher_dad » Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:32 am

I thought I was being slick with the title there, AL. Primary, EOW for NJ, possibly supervised and going from there.
You get what you put up with.

The List: http:http://forum.mensdivorce.com//viewtopic.php?t=13374
fisher_dad
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2017 1:43 am

Re: Bearing it ALl

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:38 am

I mimicked you title in my response because I thought the word was all - as in Bearing it all.

And now it’s Bare.

What difference would make you offer EOW over supervised?
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 27132
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: Bearing it ALl

Unread postby fisher_dad » Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:44 am

lack of experience.

Supervised, she worries me, with time on par with an EOW schedule. I'm a total noob so if I mince terms, correct away.
That's one of my weak points, the schedules and what the associated lingo is.
I am familiar with the local standard schedule and some simple things like that, but the meat and potatoes...not so much.
You get what you put up with.

The List: http:http://forum.mensdivorce.com//viewtopic.php?t=13374
fisher_dad
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2017 1:43 am

Re: Bearing it ALl

Unread postby fisher_dad » Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:46 am

Key thing to note. Nothing has been offered.
You get what you put up with.

The List: http:http://forum.mensdivorce.com//viewtopic.php?t=13374
fisher_dad
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2017 1:43 am

Re: Bearing it ALl

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:46 am

Is she a risk to the children with her compulsive behaviors?
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 27132
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: Bearing it ALl

Unread postby fisher_dad » Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:53 am

yes. if she goes to an extreme like has been an annual thing she is prone to get behind the wheel or get physical. Compulsive liar so I have to be real careful and be ready to capture things as they unfold. NJ has no problem amping it up and getting in my face now and I know she's not far from losing it at times. I remain calm though it can be difficult.
You get what you put up with.

The List: http:http://forum.mensdivorce.com//viewtopic.php?t=13374
fisher_dad
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2017 1:43 am

Re: Bearing it ALl

Unread postby fisher_dad » Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:54 am

I just don't have the weight to do anything now it seems. it's like it has to be red handed or show what I have whenever the day actually happens and hope the man in black sees it as it is.
You get what you put up with.

The List: http:http://forum.mensdivorce.com//viewtopic.php?t=13374
fisher_dad
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2017 1:43 am

Re: Bearing it ALl

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:08 am

Ok.

On a 1 to 10 scale, with 1 the lowest and 10 the highest, what is the risk the mother presents to the children.

Your answer must be a number.
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 27132
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Next

Return to Before and During Divorce Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests