Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

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Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Snowblower » Tue Nov 14, 2017 2:03 pm

Quick update and summary. It been almost 4 months since the filing where her provisional orders requested I leave the house, give exclusivity to vehicles, pay maintenance and support giving her full custody (the works). The day before the hearing she asked that we do a continuation and agreed it would be bad to displace either of us in the eyes of the kids. I told her I was keeping the house and would not agree to anything other than equal time with the kids. It has been 45 days since I gave her the settlement agreement and have not received anything in response in writing. She has discussed items with me but mostly just complains she wants more more more.... Up until about 3 weeks ago we have been living in the same house with the children so they did not know what was going on. She has now moved out of the house "renting" a house her mom purchased her, we have somewhat of an agreed "co-parenting" plan where we are seeing the kids equally. She makes comments sometimes that she still does not think time should be equal but has not fought me on anything yet.

In summary my guard is still up as everything she does is stealth mode and our conversations with each other are useless. My attorney has reached out to hers who replied that she will not get in touch with them either. She has minimal income as she only makes 10 bucks an hour so I know she is going to be asking for money soon. Right now she is living off of her mother as she is very codependent but I cannot understand why she is dragging this out. Possibilities, she is waiting for me to screw up, does not want to pay for her own health insurance, thinks things will work out eventually (they will not) or she is worried about me exploiting her work affair. I know I should not complain much because there are guys here that are in 3 year divorces but maybe some insight as to why that happened and how I can prevent it.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Broken Machine » Tue Nov 14, 2017 2:21 pm

She moved out??? BONUS! Change the locks. Keep a journal of your activities with your kids. It's probable that she is sitting on her butt because she knows she won't get what she is after. If your wife is like my STBX, this realization will lead to desperation on her part. She may try to trump up phony violence type charges against you. Have safeguards against this such as a recorder and only communicate via email and only about anything that pertains to your kids.

My lawyer had to move things along in my ongoing divorce. He had to put in a Motion To Enter to get trial dates and such. Maybe your lawyer can do the same thing. Ask your lawyer about this.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 2:30 pm

It been almost 4 months since the filing where her provisional orders requested [....]


Not clear what the outcome of the temp orders was. Are you paying her temporary alimony? If yes, and / or if she is likely to receive alimony as part of the divorce decree she has absolutely no incentive to speed things up.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Snowblower » Tue Nov 14, 2017 4:33 pm

Broken Machine wrote:She moved out??? BONUS! Change the locks. Keep a journal of your activities with your kids. It's probable that she is sitting on her butt because she knows she won't get what she is after. If your wife is like my STBX, this realization will lead to desperation on her part. She may try to trump up phony violence type charges against you. Have safeguards against this such as a recorder and only communicate via email and only about anything that pertains to your kids.

My lawyer had to move things along in my ongoing divorce. He had to put in a Motion To Enter to get trial dates and such. Maybe your lawyer can do the same thing. Ask your lawyer about this.


Yes, and it feels great to have her out!!!!!!!! and the locks are changed and journal has been going on for months. The DAR is always on whenever I am going to be around her. Yes, my next step is going to be to get the lawyers to do a motion. What was her reason for dragging?

lionel2013 wrote:
It been almost 4 months since the filing where her provisional orders requested [....]


Not clear what the outcome of the temp orders was. Are you paying her temporary alimony? If yes, and / or if she is likely to receive alimony as part of the divorce decree she has absolutely no incentive to speed things up.


None of the provisional orders were enforced as we did a continuation of the hearing to an unknown date into the future. I think her next move will be to do this though. So no to temp alimony today, and as far as her getting it in the future, in my state it is not guaranteed but likely for a max of 3 years. Originally I was going to give in on that and offer it but since she keeps going for more I think I am going to fight it all together or impute to the least amount possible.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Campfire » Tue Nov 14, 2017 4:42 pm

The DAR needs to run 24/7. There's a reason false domestic violence claims are called "false"; somebody had proof they were false. What happens when she makes up something but you weren't around her or expecting to be around her...?
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Broken Machine » Tue Nov 14, 2017 4:44 pm

Not sure if she was dragging it per se. But there were a couple of months after the temporary orders were set that nothing was being done. My lawyer then put in a Motion To Enter to get a trial date. Now, however, my STBX is playing games by bringing in a GAL which pushes the trial date further out. My STBX moved out as well. It has been < edited > AWESOME with her gone. The place is actually clean now.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby gamingdad » Tue Nov 14, 2017 4:58 pm

You say dragging out... I say establishing status quo.
Remember, it's a marathon, not a Sprint.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby ScaredNConfused » Tue Nov 14, 2017 5:54 pm

gamingdad wrote:You say dragging out... I say establishing status quo.
Remember, it's a marathon, not a Sprint.


Exactly, in this case dragging things out is great. Show that 50/50 parenting time has been occurring and keep yourself under control and let her explode.

This is the exact opposite so many of us have experienced, the ex drags things out with us having very unfavorable parenting time and/or temp orders.

Except for legal fees, count your blessings!
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 10:18 pm

"your honor, she voluntarily moved out of the marital home x months ago and has been financially independent since then. I'm looking to formalize our 50/50 shared parenting plan agreement which has been status quo since before the separation"

This is where you step your game up and make yourself the path of least resistance to keep status quo. Let her know you will drop whatever you are doing no questions asked to watch the kids if she needs it. Anytime, anywhere, no questions asked.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Tue Nov 14, 2017 11:46 pm

Lock in on issues of importance, things you can do right now:
Snowblower wrote:She has now moved out of the house.....
1) This is your chance to get Exclusive use and Occupancy of the marital residence. You should be making plans to file for this right now.

2) For school purposes, the kids stay with the marital residence. Children remaining in the marital residence is a best interest issue.
a) This'll set you up for primary parent.
b) Just because you're getting divorced doesn't mean your children's lives should be disrupted as well.

Snowblower wrote:....."renting" a house from her mom.....
How close is this house?? Same neighborhood?? Same school district?? Same town??

Snowblower wrote:.....we have somewhat of an agreed "co-parenting" plan where we are seeing the kids equally.
For establishing status quo, you need to be documenting your parenting time. Are you keeping a journal and parenting time tracker?? It's critical that you do.

You should also have a digital recorder up and running any time you're around her. It'll be your only defense against phony DV charges.

Snowblower wrote:She makes comments.....
Don't let her establish residence in your head. All discussions need to be "kid related," nothing more. If she starts to grind on you, tell her, "Sounds important. Send me an email." Whatever you do, don't let her draw you into an argument, especially an argument you can't win. That's where radio silence becomes an important factor. Learn to use it and use it deftly.

Tom
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