Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Campfire » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:25 am

What are your state guidelines for alimony regarding duration and amount. She wanted the money guaranteed and you most likely were going to be ordered to pay it. You literally got 50/50 for nothing. Good work.

How much of that $1800 is child support or is it some form of unallocated support?
Last edited by Campfire on Thu Dec 14, 2017 1:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Snowblower » Thu Dec 14, 2017 12:55 pm

Guidelines are fuzzy on imputing wages and conditions but it is a 3 year max. Stip states til May but there is also wording in the stipulation that anything in this stipulation can be challenged and refiled at a later date.

I was willing to offer 1600 with part imputed wages and they wanted about 2800 so I feel I made it out ok. The absolute best case for me based on imputing wages would be 1300. I trust my attorneys, they have seen enough of these cases and know what to expect and advised to sign off on it. It is 190CS and 232SS per week. Challenge is now I do not want her to have the controlled expenses and I no longer have any free $ to be able to provide and document this. The difference here is about I can but will have to go into the hole which might be a lost cause.

I think the timing was right to secure the 50/50. It will be almost impossible for her to go back on it. Now she is going all in on controlled expenses, bonuses, 401K etc etc, cohabitation date.....everything.

Based on this outcome I believe her plan is to drag to May now because that is when she will have a job that offers insurance. Right now she gets the money and also insurance so what benefit is it to her to cooperate. My attorney proposed 3 mediators and OC said no to all 3.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Snowblower » Fri Jan 12, 2018 4:34 pm

Need some expanded tips on moving things forward again. I have been told/heard the phrase "manage your attorney" many times here so I need to be careful to not let the large offset of attorney fees be mine and I want them to be shared with her equally. I should have done better with this early on. Maybe someone has a link to a previous post. I can call my attorney everyday and ask them to contact OC to schedule mediations or meetings but all OC is doing is sandbagging and disagreeing and I am going to be taking the brunt of the costs as the initiator. As many know our attorneys are nice and we may like them but they are not our friends and this stuff gets expensive. I am at about 13K total. They will not agree to a mediator.

NJ states she has met with $ advisors etc and is working on getting things wrapped up however nothing has happened for 5 months now and says next week, next week..... She tells me she does not want to go to mediation or work with lawyers and would rather work things out however this is part of the stall tactic along with feeling me out for what I am willing to bend on. The one thing that will drive her is attorney costs. How can I drive activity without killing myself in costs? Is the only obvious answer for me which has already been stated to do a motion for a court date?
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Fri Jan 12, 2018 4:44 pm

Snowblower wrote:.....nothing has happened for 5 months.....How can I drive activity without killing myself in costs?
5 mos is a long time with no activity - far too long.
Instruct your attorney to set a trial date ASAP. <<< You answered your own question, Bro.

Tom
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Tue Jan 16, 2018 10:23 am

Tom's right. You need to set a trial date to get things moving.

Also, try flipping the script on her. No more chances for mediation. You will be preparing for trial and will let the judge decide. That may change her tune and bring her to the table. It did with my Ex. Especially when we would get stuck, I will tell her a judge could then decide (and later hint and the lawyers fees that would mount to handle this simple issue). She eventually figured out the cheapest way for us to settle was via mediation. Take away the opportunity for mediation and let her contemplate the costs of trial. If she's truly concerned about $$$, her tune will change.

Also, I would be concerned she stalling for a reason (planning, status quo, etc.) What's her motive? Unless you have significant finances, she's probably up to something and you need to find out what...
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Snowblower » Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:45 am

Tom Kirkpatrick wrote:Instruct your attorney to set a trial date ASAP.


This worked. Instructed attorney to do this yesterday. Phone and text blew up with her trying to convince me that this is not needed. Her attitude changed drastically from snarky "I will look at this stuff when I get the chance" to "I will look at it tonight and respond tomorrow. So sorry I have just been busy" . Expensive but effective. I was told we are still looking at 90 days min regardless of how fast she moves. I am leaving the court dates in place until this is over regardless of what she says or does.

LovingDadof2 wrote:She eventually figured out the cheapest way for us to settle was via mediation. Take away the opportunity for mediation and let her contemplate the costs of trial. If she's truly concerned about $$$, her tune will change.
Also, I would be concerned she stalling for a reason (planning, status quo, etc.) What's her motive? Unless you have significant finances, she's probably up to something and you need to find out what...


The problem is that discovery was never done. Judge is going to look at that and hopefully make them comply and then assign a mediator. That was something else that was sent out along with the court dates. This was never done because she said it was not necessary. Motive? Overall about 250K in retirement and equity to split. Status quo favors me with a stipulation in place for 50/50 and the house. Three things I am down to but it is probably a combination of all. 1) She truly is too incompetent, codependent to make any decisions on her own or move anything forward. She has the attitude that the world exist to do things for her and that includes making decisions and taking responsibility for them. 2) She is using the pending divorce and children as hostage that I will not report "inappropriate behavior" by her and her boss in which they both may either be terminated or reprimanded. 3) Health insurance, she will move from part time to full time work in ~May or nlt Aug.
Last edited by Snowblower on Wed Jan 17, 2018 10:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:56 am

Snowblower wrote:2) She is using the pending divorce and children as hostage that I will not report "inappropriate behavior" by her and her boss in which they both may either be terminated or reprimanded. (Doing this when ink is dry)
Why? What do you gain by having her fired? You want to reduce conflict for your kids, not increase it. Plus, her working will help reduce CS payments if you are obligated to pay. I know you are hurt, but is it really in the children's best interest to have their mother terminated from her job? Forget about her. Love your kids more than you hate your STBX.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Snowblower » Wed Jan 17, 2018 10:40 am

LovingDadof2 wrote:What do you gain by having her fired?


She probably wouldn't lose her job but he will. It is spite but more than likely I will just hold on it..........she knows I have it. Who knows, with some time she could be paying me CS from a settlement without me reporting anything at all. Matt Lauer kind of thing.....he doesn't really want her, just has the professional influence when he wants it. Would mean very little $ for me or her and the conflict with her will be there regardless........ultimately will end up dropping it. Her mistake, she has to live with it, I don't.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Wed Jan 17, 2018 12:55 pm

Snowblower wrote:This worked.....Expensive but effective......Phone and text blew up.....Her attitude changed drastically.....
Congrats, Bro. You just took charge of your case. You've got momentum on your side. Your job is to keep it that way.

Snowblower wrote:.....this is not needed.
Just take care of business. Maintain radio silence as you do.

She's trying to get you to back off. She's in damage control mode. She's spinning her wheels.

Snowblower wrote:"So sorry I have just been busy."
Make it your #1 priority to keep her busy. From now on, make her play catch-up. You offense. She defense.

Boot to the throat, Bro. Keep her pinned against the ropes. Do not let up.

Tom
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