Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Campfire » Thu Nov 16, 2017 12:43 pm

You speak to your wife every day? Surely there is nothing that important going on that it requires a daily chat. How about directing the matter towards email in the interests of reducing conflict. Once that is successful, stop replying instantly unless it's critical like somebody's leg fell off.

Just so we are clear, you will not be talking/seeing your kids every day after the divorce. It doesn't work that way.
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The question is how much conflict you can control, negate, or avoid.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Snowblower » Tue Nov 28, 2017 8:52 am

I definitely would not call it a daily chat but yes on the days where we exchange kids she always calls instead of texts about where and when. It is dialing down over time as the kids are adjusting. If there is ever a time where we have consecutive overnights there might be a quick facetime with the kids but I now have them setup with their own ipads. I don't think this is excessive as I would rather have nothing to do with her at all. As for the email I have tried but just like everything else in her life if it is not convenient then she cannot do it.

Status quo schedule remains good and ongoing but not without conflict. She had them Saturday and I told her I want them on Sunday and asked what time she was bringing them over. Her reply was that she wasn't and she was not planning on answering or being home when I called. Declined my proposed schedule but had nothing to offer and we got into a nice little argument over it where her comment was "better tighten up your pants because things are going to get ugly, we still have a whole house to go through and two kids". Again, I do not understand what she thinks her advantage is here by drawing this out. Maybe just trying to get in my head.....its not like they are going to back date SS right?
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Nov 28, 2017 9:35 pm

this is why you try out "sounds important, you should email me"

Here is a hint, it's not, you two are acting childish. Stop talking to the person you are divorcing and renting space in your head caring what she thinks.

Your entire argument would be avoided with a parenting plan. If you have no court date, there is no incentive to establish a parenting plan. By allowing her to dictate when you can/cannot have the children and introducing conflict (that you willingly walk into) you are setting yourself up to be painted the monster in court. Not that it should matter, but you could be pushing the line of false DV personality here and you are the perfect match.

TLDR - reduce conflict and move this thing along.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Snowblower » Wed Nov 29, 2017 10:37 am

Yes I was being baited........and yes that is exactly what it feels like is a childish game of fake personas and bs.

The parenting plan I have proposed many times in writing through letters and email with no response but she has not refused me to see the kids as of yet. I didn't put that in last post and I should have that she talks tough but when it comes down to it she always brings them over.

She did finally go and talk to her attorney yesterday so it appears mediation will be next. And yes, I know this because she called to tell me and said there are technicalities that need to be worked out. I told her exactly that, sounds important, email me.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Nov 29, 2017 10:48 am

then set a court date. I would bet dollars to donuts you start to see action when you have a looming court date.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Snowblower » Fri Dec 01, 2017 8:06 pm

Told my attorney I wanted a court date and to get this thing moving.

He drafted the paperwork to go out Monday but it is the response to her provisional orders she did 4 months ago that never happened since she filed first. She came to me the day before stating she did not want to go to court but wanted to work things out amicably. Hence where we are today with her dragging.

My response orders give me exclusivity to the house and complying with the fixed schedule I put together for equal parenting time which include Christmas and a restraining order for assets.

What else should I make sure is included in there?

Remember I am not paying any SS or CS so expect this will now happen which sucks. Also I am going to have to go through this discovery process of paperwork and huge legal fees which I will be honest I do not know will happen or not. We have about 4 good days to every bad day so I am honestly asking myself still if this is the right decision or if I should be patient and continue status quo even though there are some battles. The good is moving it forward and concreting things how they are going to be and the bad is paying her a couple grand a month that I don't have to spare. On that bad day she talks big game but always caves after about 24 hours so I am seriously asking myself if this is worth it. What else to expect in her response? Her lawyer is a C*&^ so I expect nuclear.
Last edited by Snowblower on Fri Dec 01, 2017 11:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Campfire » Fri Dec 01, 2017 8:20 pm

Snowie,

Nice work. Now, stop answering her phone calls. You have voicemail, use it. You are living in insane times so you need to try to reduce conflict.

I can't believe she is offering exclusive use of the house and 50/50. She is either very frightened of court, making a good faith effort, or baiting you into something. Hard to say at this point but the important thing is to work your game plan.

Temporary orders will likely require you to pay support. Don't sweat it. Focus on closing the deal.

Why would you be ordered to pay her "thousands a month"? What is your monthly gross?
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Snowblower » Fri Dec 01, 2017 8:49 pm

Campfire wrote:Snowie,


I can't believe she is offering exclusive use of the house and 50/50. She is either very frightened of court, making a good faith effort, or baiting you into something. Hard to say at this point but the important thing is to work your game plan.



Why would you be ordered to pay her "thousands a month"? What is your monthly gross?


My mistake, fast fingers. Her orders were nice enough to tell me to get the F%$ out the house, give her everything and go somewhere and die which she thought I was going to do. I corrected above misleading paragraph.

My monthly gross is 10400 while hers is 1250 (by choice)

Calculation for CS and SS is 2650 not including the 400 I pay monthly in child care.
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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Campfire » Fri Dec 01, 2017 9:17 pm

Well, she's already out of the house. Her odds of getting exclusive use are somewhat better than getting a hot fart in church back into the garage.

How are you doing on your financial austerity? It can't be very good. Your take home is about $6500/mo. I was in a very similar situation. There wasn't a lot extra. I took advantage of the food pantries and cut out every non-essential expense. I focused every dollar I could on securing my goals.

Let's focus on your budget as I think you likely have a bunch of fluff in it.
The List: http://www.dadsdivorce.com/father_divor ... hp?t=13374


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Re: Reasons for STBX Dragging Out Divorce?

Unread postby Snowblower » Mon Dec 04, 2017 12:07 am

Correct, we are good on the house. Financially will be tough as it already is even without paying her SS and CS since I had to replace all the things in the house she took but overall it will be manageable and I will make it work. I already secured a HELOC just in case I need it but hope to not have to use it. It was a goal by her to strip the house down it so it did not seem like a home again so I did my best to quickly bring it back up to where it needed to be to make my kids comfortable. I have pretty much tightened budget, minimized 401K the usual.

So back to game plan/strategy....
Phase 1 - Establish parenting time is equal and document, not pay ss or cs and establish she does not need it. So far this has been one month and one week with her being out of the house. As far as parenting time goes I think I do not need to worry about that has I have a good documented record for 4 months since filing but really I also have the last 8 years.........she has nothing on me and I have always been in their lives every step of the way either equal or more than her. The only thing she has on me is that I worked more than her, alot more than her. The bad with current situation is she pulls out random conflict on the kids whereabouts and vacations, schedule etc like she has the final say and also she still looks at the house as still hers and the things in it. She is keeping things in the house as leverage. Changed the lock codes the last two weeks however Friday was told by my attourney to change them back.......not worth it he says and the court order needs to go through. Overall it has been low conflict but it sounds like I am shifting gears to .......

Phase 2 - Response to provisional orders outlined earlier in post. Mulled all weekend but I think it makes sense from a timing standpoint to do it. The concern with this is until we are divorced which can take years I have to pay her CS, SS and her insurances.....all of them. My goal is to end this thing. If the charities she is receiving are too good she is going to drag this out until late next year or maybe even longer. If I was her why not? Get paid a crap load of money per month for doing nothing when she knows that any final settlement is not going to be that.

So am I making the right choice by pushing this or screwing myself. From a sanity standpoint it needs to happen as I am tired of the BS debates over where the kids are going to that night and not knowing if she is Jekly or Hyde any given day.

So yes I am having doubts. What if the judge does not give me equal time with the kids? Additional pointers welcome?
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