Benefits of filing first?

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Benefits of filing first?

Unread postby BetterRobert » Sun Nov 12, 2017 7:08 pm

Hi friends,

I am wondering what benefit I might derive from filing a Divorce application on grounds of Adultery before my STBX can make a General Application that requests the sale of our home.

My goal is to remain in the matrimonial home as long as possible, because there is no mortgage, and my home office is in it. A lawyer will be cheaper than rent/refinancing.

Will my starting an application first force my issue first, or will there simply be two court cases with each of our issues being addressed separately?

No kids involved.

edit: I just realized it's probably best for me to stay on the defense so I can milk the max allotted time between replies. If I file first, they will reply right away and start the process.
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Re: Benefits of filing first?

Unread postby Havalu7 » Sun Nov 12, 2017 8:19 pm

Better I am not one of the legal eagles here but me thinks filing first is usually always a great strategy move.

Check if adultery is even in play in your state as I am pretty sure most don’t care.

Glad to see you still engaged here and seeking strategy. You one day too can pick up the shovel and help some new guys through just what you are making your way through now.

The pay is great and the job satisfaction is off the chart being a highly paid volunteer here!

One last edit; me thinks you should want to be on the offense regardless of any timelines of being on the house. What is your peace of mind worth brother?
”No.” is a complete sentence.

Do not move out of your house.
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Re: Benefits of filing first?

Unread postby whatever_works » Sun Nov 12, 2017 8:35 pm

This question comes up regularly - like once a month. My understanding from following those discussions is that in most states, legally there is no more a benefit from filing first. However, the mindset of filing first can help you tremendously! People who file first come prepared. In my opinion, if you prepare well, then you would do well regardless of filing first or not. But if you are prepared, then you might as well file first, because, why not.
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Re: Benefits of filing first?

Unread postby _ProudPoppa_ » Sun Nov 12, 2017 9:32 pm

OP-- if you're both prepared I'd think the only advantage is the better attorney. Or one who's friendliest with the judge.

If you're ready and she's not. Then file! catch her off guard, make her scramble for an attorney. Usually 20 days to respond to filing. Move the joint money for safe keeping.

If she's cheating then get rid of her. There's no way you can ever look at her the same way. I've been there. It will eat you up inside and you'll never trust her.

Don't think being nice to her will make her agreeable or reasonable about asset division. Her friends will be chirping in her ear. And her lawyer will promise her everything. She might not get it all, but you'll still pay to fight it.

You'll have to pay one way or the other. Accept it and move on. Be rid of her. Luckily no kids are involved. Very lucky.
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Re: Benefits of filing first?

Unread postby gamingdad » Sun Nov 12, 2017 11:48 pm

BetterRobert wrote:Hi friends,

I am wondering what benefit I might derive from filing a Divorce application on grounds of Adultery before my STBX can make a General Application that requests the sale of our home.

My goal is to remain in the matrimonial home as long as possible, because there is no mortgage, and my home office is in it. A lawyer will be cheaper than rent/refinancing.

Will my starting an application first force my issue first, or will there simply be two court cases with each of our issues being addressed separately?

No kids involved.

edit: I just realized it's probably best for me to stay on the defense so I can milk the max allotted time between replies. If I file first, they will reply right away and start the process.
READ YOUR PAPERWORK BEFORE SIGNING! IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, ASK!
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Re: Benefits of filing first?

Unread postby FlyGuySLO » Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:05 am

BetterRobert,

What state are you in? Most states are no fault so adultery is irrelevant.

My hope is that you learn from the mistakes made before you, including and especially mine.

File first; control the process.

If you know you're getting divorced there is little to no benefit to protracting the process. Your lawyer may advise stalling certain parts, but as a whole it is better to fire the starting gun yourself. Then you can control the speed and pace much easier.

Here is what I would advise as an effective outline for the process:

1. Find attorney and file first.
2. Draft a settlement offer that you feel is something you can live with but attractive enough that she may accept it with a small bit of tweaking. Don't allow it to become a protracted "back and forth"; if you can't see the finish line after her counter offer, then rescind it and head for trial.
3. At this point, you must operate from logic and leave your emotions out of it. Be ruthless as you push the process forward and stay focused on your goals. It is highly likely that she will settle. As the saying around here goes "Nothing motivates a woman more than climbing the courthouse steps."

Good luck.
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