Separating, but kids?

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Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Armydadof4 » Fri Nov 10, 2017 5:59 am

Hey guys. My wife and I are going to be separated in NC, and head towards a divorce. Going story short, we grew apart, and she decided that she had feelings for women. She has repeatedly pushed me away over the past year, to the point of almost completely ignoring me while I have been deployed (in the US Army). I told her I could not take it anymore, and instead of trying to work through it anymore (I was the online putting forth an effort) and told her that I was done. Now I periodically wonder if I am doing the correct thing, because we have 4 young (3-11 years old) children and I keep thinking that we are tearing the family apart. I feel guilty about it, but I am emotionally drained. How have you guys been able to work past the effect that this has on your children. My children are my only concern and we have not told them yet. We plan to tell them after my deployment is over inJuly, but mentally, I have to get my head around it. Most days I am good, but occasionally when watching TV, I think of my kids and what this is going to. I have been through it as a child numerous times, and it was hard as hell. Thanks.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Fri Nov 10, 2017 6:19 am

I'm sure they'll be fine. It'll be similar to a deployment.


What are your goals for the divorce, other than not being around your wife?
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Armydadof4 » Fri Nov 10, 2017 7:27 am

Hmm, goals for divorce, never thought about. Unless you mean about custody and what not. If so, then hoping for 50/50 custody. I will be retiring in a year or two from the Army and living close to them. As such, to hopefully keep as much of my retirement as possible, since it is considered marital property. Other than that, to hopefully have a pretty amicable divorce, agree on most stuff, we both want it, and try to keep it as civil as possible, for the kids sake.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Fri Nov 10, 2017 7:31 am

How agreeable do you think she will be to 50 50? Will she give it to you or will you have to take it?
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Nov 10, 2017 7:35 am

I wish you the best, but you know military spouses can be the worst of the worse. You need to have a game plan and can you down shift to no deployments until you retire? Otherwise, she can simply wait until you are gone and vanish, where is she from originally?

Has anyone filed? It's probably too late to put the genie back in the bottle. She doesn't control the finances does she?
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Armydadof4 » Fri Nov 10, 2017 9:16 am

As long as she keeps to her word, we have already agreed to 50/50. No one has filed yet, however I have told her that I want the divorce. I am on my final deployment and will retire shortly after this deployment.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Fri Nov 10, 2017 9:24 am

You know her better than us. What's the chances she keeps her word? 100%?

You've tipped your hand. She now has a lot of time to plan for divorce. Her attorney will advise her to file at the most advantageous time, in the most advantageous way, to ensure she will continue as primary caregiver.

Do you think she will ignore that advice and insist on 50 50, contrary to her attorneys advice?
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Armydadof4 » Fri Nov 10, 2017 9:26 am

Honestly, I believe she will keep her word. She is still goin*ahead with school/looking for a job right now, it to finish her school would mean that we have to stay married for another 2 years despite the fact there is no hope for our future
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Campfire » Fri Nov 10, 2017 10:52 am

When are you getting your DD214?
Last edited by Campfire on Fri Nov 10, 2017 11:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Armydadof4 » Fri Nov 10, 2017 10:56 am

Campfire wrote:When are you getting you DD214?


I plan to retire in 2 years, once I return from this deployment I will submit my paperwork.
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