Separating, but kids?

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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Armydadof4 » Sat Nov 11, 2017 1:16 pm

Thanks all, I appreciate it. I get it with how you guys do business, and will not walk away. I have a mind that is all over the place right. Is, trying to piece the stuff together and figure out what best for my kids and I. I know I have to toughen my skin, but just in a bad place right now with regards to this. Thanks again for the comments, I look forward to getting to know you guys, and learning what I can. Happy Veterans Day to the other vets and those still serving.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Broken Machine » Mon Nov 13, 2017 1:02 pm

My STBX is going after everything now. All because I wanted 50/50 parenting time and joint everything with the kids. But she wanted to move out of state with the kids. Who knows when I would see them next. Glad I didn't go for it. Because that would have set up a new status quo that I would have never recovered from. I would have essentially lost my kids. STBX said she would not touch my retirement or go after any money from me. So long as she was getting what she wanted, she was "amicable". Oh yeah, STBX told me how "unhappy, etc" she was a couple months before I crossed the 20 year mark in the military. But she swears that is not the reason....riiiiiiiiiight.

You say you "know" your wife. I used to "know" my STBX. Now I have no idea who the hell she is. She changed or she has put up a façade all these years to hide her real self. Are you giving your wife all she is asking for? If so, that is why she is "cooperative". Beware this though because once you start looking after your best interests, the claws WILL come out. Yes, I base this off of my experience and it may not apply to you. But do be prepared for it just in case. Never let your guard down, and watch the other hand.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Havalu7 » Mon Nov 13, 2017 1:53 pm

And OP if I may add to your list; Always have your digital audio recorder (DAR not DVR) covertly humming in your pocket next to your newly recovered huevos.

I didn’t go back and read your thread as I am on the phone; does this apply to you OP?
”No.” is a complete sentence.

Do not move out of your house.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Mon Nov 13, 2017 2:37 pm

Currently he is deployed and at a distance from his family.

Will you be home for the holidays, Daddio?
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Mon Nov 13, 2017 11:25 pm

OP - don't make the mistake of thinking, that won't be me. You're entire plan is resting on the one person who apparently couldn't care less about you, putting your needs over hers after she told you she is done and you are gone.

Where does she get money and who controls the finances?
You mentioned she just completed certification and is now going for another. How long has she been working at all or with the previous certification? What makes you think there won't be another certification after this one?
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Armydadof4 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 11:32 am

Hey guys, I appreciate all of the comments. I apologize for the delay, but you guys know how it is when you are deployed. SO to answer a few questions:

Yes I will be home for the Holidays. I actually fly in late next week for a conference in Orlando before flying up to NC to be with my kids until just after Christmas.

She controls the finances and pays the bills. I am not in a position to be able to do this, however she is on a tight leash with money, as she has enough to pay the bills and a little extra in case the kids need something.

Yes she has finished (in the process of finishing) one certification. She is looking at working part-time at the Army hospital on base after the new year while she waits for the summer, at which time she might start her next program. I do not anticipate her trying for another one, nor will she have the opportunity because this will all be complete by then or a little after she finishes her next program (if she does it)

We will be talking timeline when I go home as to how we are progressing with this. I do not believe she will leave the house until I get home because our kids are in school, and applying for a job on post with spouse preference.

I actually have a telephone call with a lawyer tonight. Finally scheduled a consultation to try and get some information and look at options.

I appreciate all of the insight. I am trying to make sure I keep myself prepared for if / when the claws come out. No, I am not and will not give her everything she wants. After I talk to lawyer tonight and get her recommendations, then I am most likely going to start looking for a mediator so that we can do uncontested separation agreement. We both seem to be in agreeance on that, but who knows. I will keep you guys updated. Thanks again. Also, I been meaning to ask what is STBX, or what does it stand for, I can gather what it is?

Now to spend some time checking out the other posts on here and gathering what info I can.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Cheatinganddivorce » Tue Nov 14, 2017 12:48 pm

Hi all, new user here!

I’ve found it a pretty easy transition with one kid, but four has to be tough. We’ve got a really good schedule going, and my ex is very welcoming to me seeing my daughter whenever I like.

I don’t know your wife, but the key for me has been maximum flexibility. If she needs a night off to do something, then I just step in.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Armydadof4 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 12:51 pm

Cheatinganddivorce wrote:Hi all, new user here!

I’ve found it a pretty easy transition with one kid, but four has to be tough. We’ve got a really good schedule going, and my ex is very welcoming to me seeing my daughter whenever I like.

I don’t know your wife, but the key for me has been maximum flexibility. If she needs a night off to do something, then I just step in.


Thanks. In theory we are going to try and co-parent once divorced with a 50-50 split hopefully. She has said that I am a good dad and she would never keep the kids from me, so hopefully she holds to that.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Cheatinganddivorce » Tue Nov 14, 2017 12:57 pm

Armydadof4 wrote:
Cheatinganddivorce wrote:Hi all, new user here!

I’ve found it a pretty easy transition with one kid, but four has to be tough. We’ve got a really good schedule going, and my ex is very welcoming to me seeing my daughter whenever I like.

I don’t know your wife, but the key for me has been maximum flexibility. If she needs a night off to do something, then I just step in.


Thanks. In theory we are going to try and co-parent once divorced with a 50-50 split hopefully. She has said that I am a good dad and she would never keep the kids from me, so hopefully she holds to that.


That’s great. Unfortunately, as the sole earner in the household, I’ve settled for a lot less than 50/50 - I can’t support the alimony and child support by working part time, and my daughter isn’t yet in school.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Armydadof4 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 12:59 pm

Cheatinganddivorce wrote:
Armydadof4 wrote:
Cheatinganddivorce wrote:Hi all, new user here!

I’ve found it a pretty easy transition with one kid, but four has to be tough. We’ve got a really good schedule going, and my ex is very welcoming to me seeing my daughter whenever I like.

I don’t know your wife, but the key for me has been maximum flexibility. If she needs a night off to do something, then I just step in.


Thanks. In theory we are going to try and co-parent once divorced with a 50-50 split hopefully. She has said that I am a good dad and she would never keep the kids from me, so hopefully she holds to that.


That’s great. Unfortunately, as the sole earner in the household, I’ve settled for a lot less than 50/50 - I can’t support the alimony and child support by working part time, and my daughter isn’t yet in school.


hopefully we can manage the 50/50. I work full time (military) and half of our kids are in school all day, one half day, and one stay at home.
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