Separating, but kids?

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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Nov 10, 2017 10:59 am

I know - lot’s of questions here - but mine is what the wifey is studying in school.

School isn’t about education, the internet has replaced that, it is only about credentials, which elder students do not get much value from in the Job Market.

What is her goal with schooling?
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Armydadof4 » Fri Nov 10, 2017 11:03 am

BartSimpson wrote:I know - lot’s of questions here - but mine is what the wifey is studying in school.

School isn’t about education, the internet has replaced that, it is only about credentials, which elder students do not get much value from in the Job Market.

What is her goal with schooling?

Studying to be a surgical tech. Just finished sterilization tech, would start a 2 year program in August for surgical tech. So I would end up staying married an additional 2 years to get her through school, but be able to see kids often and hopefully less alimony, or she would take the kids 3 hours away. We are in a unique circumstance where when we divorce, she will not be able to stay in Army housing an ore, this forcing her to live in the slums right off base, with bad schools, or take the kids to Charleston
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby MegaDad » Fri Nov 10, 2017 11:33 am

Mmmmm, your last post raised some red flags for me. If the area around post is a "slum" as you say, she could easily make the argument that she and the kids need to relocate. This is especially true if they lose access to post housing AND you are not physically present to prevent any kind of move.

I am going to go out on a limb and ask....is it possible just hanging in there another year or two would be better for you and your kids than divorcing now? Because if your wife decides to leave with the kids there isn't much you can do to stop it as you will be tied to your current duty station. That's two years of not seeing them regularly and them not seeing you. Is this possibility acceptable to you?
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Armydadof4 » Fri Nov 10, 2017 11:38 am

There in lies the question. So, I have only asked for a divorce so far, we have to go through a year separation in NC prior to filing for divorce. She would not lose the house until the divorce is finalized. So it might not be a really bad area, there are some safe areas, but schools are not the best.

As of now, I am thinking it will most likely be best, to stay "married" but know that we are "separated" and will be divorcing to let her finish school, giving me time with the kids and letting her get schooling, so hopefully I will have to pay less in the end. It just means that it will be a tough year or two.

The other question is to figure out how the separation works, because I am told do not move out of the house, but one of us has to have a different residence to have the 12 months separation needed for the divorce eventually, unless we falsified documents.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Campfire » Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:11 pm

You're not just out of the house. You're out of the country. Sounds pretty separated to me.

Here's the rub, if two parties can agree, would the judge care? (Not a trick question).
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:13 pm

You need to understand that the separation in your state requires a separation agreement - that will include custody, which is in place before the separation starts. So while you *think* your state is different, it’s process is the same as others with the definition of the term separation just being the first year of divorce.

The fatal mistake is that you move out prior to a signed separation agreement, thinking you are expediting the divorce.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:24 pm

Regarding the education, your wife is attending adult camp at college and not improving her employability.

The amount of money she will make with this newest certification will never equal the amount lost during the attendance at school. The cost of school is not just tuition, it’s the lost income while you are studying - in the mature adults case, that is never recovered in added certifications.

In other words, a “sterilization” tech is not going to make any less that a Surgery Tech in the long haul. A 2-year RN going back to get a Bachelors is something to discuss, but 2 years to learn how to clean an operating room is adult daycare.

Also, in the health care industry, the recent graduate will be working nights, holidays and weekends for a long time until getting sufficient seniority. Secondary to that, ageism is very real in entry level jobs because of the nature of the schedule in the early years.

If the thinking is that more schooling will make the difference between a living wage and crappy pay, that’s a fantasy. I’m going to suggest that schooling is her ruse to kick the employment down the road.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Armydadof4 » Fri Nov 10, 2017 3:28 pm

BartSimpson wrote:You need to understand that the separation in your state requires a separation agreement - that will include custody, which is in place before the separation starts. So while you *think* your state is different, it’s process is the same as others with the definition of the term separation just being the first year of divorce.

The fatal mistake is that you move out prior to a signed separation agreement, thinking you are expediting the divorce.

Actually NC does NOT require any formal paperwork to be legally separated, it takes intent to not reconcile and living in different residences. See the link below.

https://www.rosen.com/divorce/divorcear ... separated/

What you call “adult daycare” others call school, and when you look on glass door there is a difference in pay, not to mention she will also be receiving her associates degree.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby Armydadof4 » Fri Nov 10, 2017 3:33 pm

Considering she has not worked in 11 years, has no schooling, and is in a new career feel, I beg to differ with your comment about it not increasing her employablilitt, considering she Will be hired on after her internship is complete, thus giving her experience that she did not have. But instead of digging on every comment that I have, why don’t you provide helpful information.
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Re: Separating, but kids?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Nov 10, 2017 4:00 pm

she has no plans to ever finish school, she will just milk you to continue to pay for everything.

No way you have been in 17+ years and haven't seen/heard of someone getting raked over the coals, if not, contrats you are that story.
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