Update: She’s going for blood.

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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby TJinCA » Tue Nov 07, 2017 3:12 pm

With respect to the property she wants to come and get, I'd suggest making three lists:

* Stuff you both agree will be hers
* Stuff you both agree will be yours
* Stuff that's in dispute

Tell her the stuff that you both agree is hers will be in a container in the driveway, and you will arrange a time when you will not be there but someone trusted by you will be. At that time she can come get her stuff. The property that's in dispute (which is now documented in a list) will remain in your house and in your possession for safekeeping until such time as the court rules on distribution. At that time the stuff that the judge orders is hers will be provided to her using the same process.

Her entering the house when under a restraining order is a hard no--if she really feels it's justified she and her lawyer can try to get the judge to order it. Otherwise, no.
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby Tht1Guy » Tue Nov 07, 2017 3:20 pm

MegaDad wrote:massdad said it and I will reinterate, if you know she is bringing a child sex offender around your kid, you need to withhold the child from her until your court date. No one will take your concerns seriously otherwise, and why would they? Allowing it is the same as condoning it.

The same is going to apply to her entering the home if there is an order preventing her from doing so. You allow her in and you are communicating that you are fine with it and the RO doesn't need to be in place. So this whole letting her in with someone who isn't active law enforcement AND has a potential conflict of interest? Hells no!


At his point, there is not proof the sex offender has even been over their house recently as I have not been to the relatives she is bouncing to/from. But was made known several months ago that I opposed after finding out about her bringing all the kids/cousins, including him, to family events.

As far as the last sentence, aaah, I ssee. Good point! Letting her in and without law enforcement and the implied communication is something i like to hear as I don’t see these angles and precisely what I’m looking for.

Yea, I don’t plan on her or her crew coming into my home as we have not had any contact/communication. My million dollar question is how do you give her belongings without being accused of damaging/stealing her items. Our idea of her hiring moving staff that are insured can put her crap in the Pods in the driveway and she can take her crap away.
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Nov 07, 2017 3:30 pm

Bro, you need to think this through.
This person is a danger to you and your shared child and you are worried about being accused of damage to the property in the marital home!!! WTF?

Please explain how this should even be a consideration? You are more concerned with ensuring she isn't disturbed as your own wellbeing.

Seriously, why should she respect you when you don't respect you?
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby Tht1Guy » Tue Nov 07, 2017 3:32 pm

TJinCA wrote:With respect to the property she wants to come and get, I'd suggest making three lists:

* Stuff you both agree will be hers
* Stuff you both agree will be yours
* Stuff that's in dispute

Tell her the stuff that you both agree is hers will be in a container in the driveway, and you will arrange a time when you will not be there but someone trusted by you will be. At that time she can come get her stuff. The property that's in dispute (which is now documented in a list) will remain in your house and in your possession for safekeeping until such time as the court rules on distribution. At that time the stuff that the judge orders is hers will be provided to her using the same process.

Her entering the house when under a restraining order is a hard no--if she really feels it's justified she and her lawyer can try to get the judge to order it. Otherwise, no.


Thank you TJ. I’ll work on that list.

I spoke to a coworker who made me feel much better. Apparently her lawyer can come up with a list and monetary demands but that’s all they are and not anything to stress over as nothing is concrete set by a judge. She may make claims to pay $5000
in 3 business days but that doesn’t mean my attorneys will agree to it. So, I was very worried about having to come up with that sort of money that fast. Now after a bit of clarifying, it’s much easier to swallow as I have no idea about this process. So it’s basically tossing back and forth of demands and if nothing is settled, the judge makes a decision for everyone. Does that sound about right?
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby Tht1Guy » Tue Nov 07, 2017 3:49 pm

massdad1234 wrote:Bro, you need to think this through.
This person is a danger to you and your shared child and you are worried about being accused of damage to the property in the marital home!!! WTF?

Please explain how this should even be a consideration? You are more concerned with ensuring she isn't disturbed as your own wellbeing.

Seriously, why should she respect you when you don't respect you?


I totally hear you, please believe this. I’m breaking this gas lighting thing as it’s 100% clear to me, after mediation, that this isn’t going to go pretty and it’s all business at this point. So that’s behind me.

This sex offender doesn’t live in the same house nor is there any proof that he has been at her family’s residences. He was at an event a several months ago and driving by my ex with the kids/cousins at which time I expressed the seriousness of the matter when I found out. I don’t have any knowledge that this person has come in contact with my kids. If I had proof of his being at that residence, etc then I could make demands and take action. But like I said, there isn’t anything to stand on. That’s like saying, “I’m taking away the kids from my ex because she has a brother who lives somewhere else who is a gang member”. Now of said gang member did something that you could prove was a danger, it would be a totally different story.

As far as the belongings, it’s whatever. I’m not worried about it as much. Basically, I’m finding out her demands don’t mean much as they are just demands not orders.
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Nov 07, 2017 3:59 pm

bro, you are making all kinds of excuses and lies to yourself to convince yourself, but that is whack. What about this person's behavior says she is thinking about anyone but herself and her best interests? Where and how are you getting that information.

Your need to be so dependent on your lawyer when this forum has hand held your case also speaks volumes to the amount of work left to be done.

Make no mistake, you should not allow contact between mother and child, what else needs to happen to prove that?
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby Tht1Guy » Tue Nov 07, 2017 6:36 pm

massdad1234 wrote:bro, you are making all kinds of excuses and lies to yourself to convince yourself, but that is whack. What about this person's behavior says she is thinking about anyone but herself and her best interests? Where and how are you getting that information.

Your need to be so dependent on your lawyer when this forum has hand held your case also speaks volumes to the amount of work left to be done.

Make no mistake, you should not allow contact between mother and child, what else needs to happen to prove that?


1) I’m not lying or convincing myself of anything. Where and how am I getting information that she’s only been thinking about herself and her own best interests? What type of answer are you trying to get me to respond with? I mean, it’s pretty self evident of what she is doing.

2) My need to be dependent on my lawyer is critical as I have not seen any men do well in a volatile divorce without one. I’m not sure of your ability to represent yourself, but I simply cannot, like most men. I take information from this forum and also that of my legal representation and come to my own conclusion. I have been given advice where even members here conflict with their opinions. So who am I to believe? Which strangers opinion holds more weight? Again, I appreciate any help given but the advice by my lawyer will always play an extremely heavy roll in what decision are made. I’ve been told to throw her crap out on the street on this forum. But how will that play a role when it gets to the judge that you damaged her property or left it out to be stolen? Not sure the outcome but I don’t think it’d be good. So, I take everything at face value.

3) How do you suggest I take the children 100% away from the mother? What proven ground do you have to do such at this point? Are you saying a judge will look at that favorably at these actions? Will the judge not grant a mother any < parenting time > time based on what you “say” without evidence? What specifically do you recommend I do at this point and what would you like for me to dictate to my lawyer? I speak to him in 30min. Thanks.
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby Campfire » Tue Nov 07, 2017 7:37 pm

Is your attorney a BMW, Mercedes, or Porsche guy? The new 911s are pretty incredible.


What I can tell you from personal experience is that the prevailing opinions on this forum shaped my strategy. I won against a stay at home mom. My work takes me out of town almost half the month.

How does a guy win in the biased courts with that baseline? It wasn't easy. I had to take risks. I had extreme doubts. I thought the advice on this forum was simply guys having fun at my expense. I fought back against members' advice. I KNEW my attorney was the expert.


Here's my story. If you have 10 minutes, please read it:

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=71487&p=763193&hilit=Gal#p763193


If you take away anything from my saga, please recognize the swallowing of my pride and willingness to be vulnerable to the advice given here. I received the same conflicting advice as you. What I found out from being an involved member is that some advice was better than others and that much of the correct advice was mirrored by more than one member.

Thatguy, you are going down the wrong path. Your are relying upon your attorney. When the stakes are this high, you can only rely upon yourself. Your attorney will throw you under the bus if they feel they need too. Yeah, you're an army of one. .. your attorney is simply a tool. This matter will be won or lost based upon you. Tilt the odds as much as you can in your favor. Your mindset is beginning to change. You have a long ways to go yet. Don't quit, focus harder. You have no idea how much worse this is going to get but I can tell you that eventually the rain will stop.
The List: http://www.dadsdivorce.com/father_divor ... hp?t=13374


The question is how much conflict you can control, negate, or avoid.
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Nov 07, 2017 8:59 pm

Explain why denying the other time based on her actions is worse than condoning it
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby steelmark » Wed Nov 08, 2017 9:12 am

My ex's attorney would send oddball requests like that, my attorney told me a number of times "I didn't even read it" because frankly we didn't care what she wanted. In truth, of course my lawyer read them, but we didn't burn any time or mental energy on someone else's plan, we were working ours.

You'll get better at this as time goes on, you'll learn what actually matters and what you can ignore.

Until things came to real actual negotiations that were going to become binding with the court, unreasonable demands were outright ignored.
Prepare and execute to win by a thousand miles, just to be in position to win by an inch.
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