Update: She’s going for blood.

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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby Tht1Guy » Tue Nov 07, 2017 12:48 pm

massdad1234 wrote:1. so you have your child in your care until that hearing right? If I knew my spouse was willingly putting my children around a known child sex offender, I would not wait to get permission or ask who what. It would be very clear and obvious that I don't tolerate any thing of the sort. FFS!!!!!!!! your child is at risk, this woman has physically assaulted you and put your son at risk with a known sex offender, WHO CARES ABOUT 2,3?

2/3 - you have a restraining order, if she trys to show up, call the cops and don't go outside!!

Dude, do you have benefits provided to you through work?


I don’t know if she is exposing him to the perp as of now bc I have not been to where she is residing ( back and forth between her family members homes) but she did in the past where I explained I didn’t want him anywhere around him. I don’t know what they are doing when they are over there.

I have custody and she gets < parenting time > of every other weekend and 1 night/wk.

As far as benefits, I’m currently looking at switching over with kids under mine.
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby Tht1Guy » Tue Nov 07, 2017 12:55 pm

Outis wrote:1 - Learn to STFU. You told way too much information and showed your cards.

1a - Get a rubber band and snap it on your wrist every time you want to open your trap.

1b - What child court? We don't read minds.

2 - No.

3 - Also no.

Why are you asking after the fact? Are you opposed to planning beforehand?

Remember the 7 Ps - Proper Prior Planning Prevents Painfully Poor Performance. You're just getting the last two right now, soon to be three.


1) Please elaborate. What did I share too much of and how did I expose my hand? It’s my understanding that if you don’t get your concerns out in mediation, where judges take the mediators decisions almost every single time, why would I hold back? Or what would you say versus refrain from saying?

1b) It’s my understanding that after mediation you have child court which is called Child Court Services in Family Court for Child Custody out here. Then down the line you have the divorce proceedings.

3) I did ask for help here earlier regarding mediation and didn’t get a whole lot of assistance so I went in and expressed to the mediator my concerns.
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby Tht1Guy » Tue Nov 07, 2017 1:04 pm

Campfire wrote:Letting her in the house absent a court order...? Yeah, no.



Thatguy,

What would be your first thought if I told you I want to take everything out of your house? I'm not involved in a lawsuit with you and I promise I'm a good dude. So how 'bout it? Can I have everything? How about just a couple things? Just one thing...? Oh, and I'll take that $5000 too without even physically attacking you.


I'm going to assume the "we" is you and your attorney. Do yourself a favor. Run this stuff by us first for an educated and unbiased opinion. We only charge $Free.99. All we ask is that you continue contributing.

This idea about a non-LEO....no. Just no. You want an actual LEO doing a civil standby. You pay taxes. Use some of that tax money you pay out and only use LEOs for this exchange of property if you are foolish enough to proceed with it at this point in time. She thinks she can bully you. This is not a person you can negotiate with effectively at this time as your mindset is all screwed up.

When are you going to start taking the reins of this runaway stagecoach?


Hey Camp. I see your point. As far as the “boyfriend” retired LEO, yea, that’s not going to go well so we have to come up with something else.

I have an appt w/ my lawyer this afternoon so we can discuss this. He by no means wants anyone of her “crew” to enter the home at any time as he feels it’s going to be nothing but conflict with her taking “sh**”that doesn’t belong to her and spending all afternoon doing so.

I did speak to LEO yesterday in person and they said their only job is to prevent a fight or conflict and said they cannot stop her or her family from taking anything that’s not hers.
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Nov 07, 2017 1:20 pm

dude, you can't be this obtuse. you have a restraining order, if she shows up, you call the cops, and show them a copy of said order. The fact that you are even entertaining this almost shows how out of touch or inept you seem to be. But you're forum cowboy to us, what about the woman who wears you like a suit?

You really should get some serious help, I can only assume you act this irrational due to the gaslighting. You married a monster who wants to destroy you, good luck with giving her what she wants after she assaulted you, i'm sure that will make things better for you and the child.

Note - the above was sarcasm, you have made a series of blunders you are determined to snatch a defeat from a forfeit!
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby Tht1Guy » Tue Nov 07, 2017 1:28 pm

massdad1234 wrote:Bro, are you seeing a professional expert? Your compass is a little off right now, are you able to talk to someone who can help outside your normal circle? Do you have benefits provided through work?


Yes, I have a counselor. I know it may seem frantic at times but you have to see it from my angle as I have never been through this process nor have any idea what step is next unlike her who’s immediate family has gone through all the above. When i get an email from my attorney that says her attorney is requesting $5000 for bills and also every single thing out of the house leaving myself and the kids with virtually nothing, yes, that most definitely doesn’t sit well with me. Also, what adds to it is I don’t get any clarification from legal representatives at that moment and have to wait until the following day to see what this all means, it stress me out.

At that moment of reading such, a counselor would be great but unfortunately I have to wait sometimes a couple weeks before an opening. So until that time, I rely on family/friends, my attorney for clarification (who’s busy and not always available), and you guys. So when I come on here seeming to be a frazzled mess, it’s because that’s the angle I am given with her nonsense/demands, etc. I don’t know if what she is asking is accurate and seems like it’s legit. When she says “we want $500 in 3 days, I don’t know the level of ability she can enforce that. I simply look at it for what it is and if she is saying that she wants that much money in that short of time, it’s only safe for me to think it’s valid. I have not the slightest clue on what happens next or what we say to refute it so I ask to ground me again now that I have information to settle my confusion. I honestly come to seek everyone’s advice here to clarify things allowing me to understand what’s going on and what is the next best move. Once I’m given more beneficial information, I can chew on it and allow whatever peace is available, back in.

It’s almost like finding out you have a medical condition and you can’t go to the doctor for a week. You look up everything you can, you stress, you reach out to random people, etc. versus another person who’s been there is more relaxed because they’ve been there, they know what’s next, and just get their mind right before the surgery. That’s how I am, I literally don’t know what is next or how to defend against such. So I rely on you guys, who have varied opinions, and my lawyer.
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Nov 07, 2017 1:32 pm

and yet you constantly take advice from the person who is under law to not contact you.
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby Tht1Guy » Tue Nov 07, 2017 1:44 pm

massdad1234 wrote:dude, you can't be this obtuse. you have a restraining order, if she shows up, you call the cops, and show them a copy of said order. The fact that you are even entertaining this almost shows how out of touch or inept you seem to be. But you're forum cowboy to us, what about the woman who wears you like a suit?

You really should get some serious help, I can only assume you act this irrational due to the gaslighting. You married a monster who wants to destroy you, good luck with giving her what she wants after she assaulted you, i'm sure that will make things better for you and the child.

Note - the above was sarcasm, you have made a series of blunders you are determined to snatch a defeat from a forfeit!


I am very well aware of the restraining order and have never once said I am worried about her showing up, or that I’m going to let her in, or going to allow the sisters retired boyfriend LEO into my house.

I am basically giving facts as to what she is proposing so you guys can say “no, she can’t take everything out of the home. She has to follow x, y, z. You need to go about it this way .”

I don’t know what to do in this situation as I have never been through a divorce. I don’t know or have he slightest clue on how exchanges are made with household items. I don’t know if this is normal or if her lawyer is being irrational. I know how I feel about their demands which is obviously clear, but I don’t know if this is typical in volatile divorces. This is why I posted it so that someone can tell me how they, or someone they know, exchanged property with an irrational ex and any advice on how to address these demands of large sums of money by her attorney for things owed.

Does this help clarify my angle and concerns? I’m not worried about her coming back. I wondering how to get her crap out without her stealing things that aren’t hers and without it turning into a LEO situation. Next, what happens when ex’s attorneys demand large sums of money immediately from you. From my angle, I don’t know if I have to scramble and find the money putting major stress on an already stressful situation or if this is normal in a divorce process and negotiated down the line. Like, I’m serious. I literally don’t know nor have a single friend who has been divorced to say “no, they will try to take this but that’ll be divided later with assets and debts. As far as her property she needs a specific list where a judge can sign off and only allow her to take xyz”. This is why I have come here, to get that advice on what is recommended.
Last edited by Tht1Guy on Tue Nov 07, 2017 2:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby Tht1Guy » Tue Nov 07, 2017 1:59 pm

massdad1234 wrote:and yet you constantly take advice from the person who is under law to not contact you.


Mass, I really appreciate your assistance in my posts over my time here, so don’t take anything I say negatively or to heart. But man, I honestly have no idea where you are getting that I’m communicating with her at all. I have not seen or talked to her in 2mo aside a text of when she is going to pick up for < parenting time >. Nothing more.

I stated that this list of demands was from her attorney to my attorney. Again, I’m not worried about her coming to, or in, my house without my permission as she can’t without literally ripping the doors off the hinges or breaking windows.

I’m worried about how to get her things out without her stealing things that aren’t hers or stripping the house of literally everything leaving myself and kids without anything down to soap and dishes. Next I am worried about the large sum of money she is requesting, via her attorney, by Monday. That’s pretty much it.
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby Tht1Guy » Tue Nov 07, 2017 2:50 pm

Campfire wrote:
Tht1Guy wrote:Man, I’m getting mentally ready for this. It’s on and I’m about fed up. I have a few things up my sleeve to make this flip very nicely. I’m learning that in this game, there is no “let’s be nice and work it out” garbage. Man, I feel like I’m morphing into this strategist battle ax. Emotional garbage has evaporated and left the building..

..




Just remember, this is business. The more you treat this like a business transaction, the less money you will waste on attorney fees. Or you could dive down the rabbit hole and start enjoying a five figure monthly bill from your attorney (seriously).

Be firm. Be willing to do what's necessary to cement your place in your kid's life. Run things by this forum first unless it's an emergency. It's not about revenge anymore. It's about closing this deal on terms you can accept. You can be friends/coparent/frenemies/etc. after this is over. Right now it's simply focusing on what you and the kid needs, nothing more. Boot. To. The. Throat.

I will echo Massdad's advice of seeking counseling. Your friends and family will burn out from all of your stress relieving. Seek a professional. Your employer likely has an EAP program which provides highly discounted services. It did me good as well as countless other dads.


I appreciate it. Thanks for the sound advice. .
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Re: Update: She’s going for blood.

Unread postby Tht1Guy » Tue Nov 07, 2017 3:00 pm

Me_and_my_boys wrote:
Tht1Guy wrote:My attorney says that’s not going to go well for her.


What exactly does this mean? How does your attorney plan to present this information to the court? What are the possible outcomes? Don't rely upon general statements. Ask the difficult questions.

Tht1Guy wrote: I have a few things up my sleeve to make this flip very nicely.


What are they?

Tht1Guy wrote:Man, I feel like I’m morphing into this strategist battle ax.


More strategy, less axe.


Thanks. Yea, I guess the name of this game is to try to keep as level head as possible to maximize your results. My attorney and I are still ironing out the details. I’ll be sure to update you guys accordingly.
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