HELP! Im in the middle of divorce and need input.

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Re: HELP! Im in the middle of divorce and need input.

Unread postby Campfire » Thu Nov 02, 2017 1:48 pm

tahoenv wrote:My biggest question is this:

Should i settle or should i fight for what i think is my wife being willfully and intentionally underemployed? do i have a shot proving she took a job with the airline paying her $30-35K a year when she could be using her masters degree and could be making $60-70K a year. thus offsetting the disparity in child support she is seeking?



If she's truly working fora major airline, she will be making $60k-$70k a year fairly soon. She's on year 2 pay. She won't be forever. It's not like she's refusing to work and on top of that, she's not working for minimum wage. I don't see a lot of hourspower behind your argument. I work with gals with PHDs/masters/etc. who quit the rat race to become flight attendants.

Here's the main problem with your argument: She didn't make this move after the divorce was filed.

Child support is reviewable so when she starts getting some seniority, her pay will go up and her days off will increase. How have you been accommodating her work schedule for the last year and a half? Is wifey off reserve yet?
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Re: HELP! Im in the middle of divorce and need input.

Unread postby tahoenv » Thu Nov 02, 2017 1:56 pm

you are correct Campfire.

she is in year 2 and will get pay raises. she and i have split the week up with work for the last 18 months. i work 4 ten hour shifts and she is gone and flies the other 3 1/2 days. we each have the kids when we are off from work. very good schedule for the circumstances of our divorce and child custody.

thank you for your honesty campfire.
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Re: HELP! Im in the middle of divorce and need input.

Unread postby gamingdad » Thu Nov 02, 2017 2:29 pm

With her being in the airline industry, a RoFR would be prudent.
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Re: HELP! Im in the middle of divorce and need input.

Unread postby tahoenv » Thu Nov 02, 2017 3:00 pm

gamingdad, what is RoFR?
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Re: HELP! Im in the middle of divorce and need input.

Unread postby Campfire » Thu Nov 02, 2017 5:57 pm

tahoenv wrote:gamingdad, what is RoFR?



Right of First Refusal. Basically, if mom can't care for the kiddos, she has to offer you the chance to care for them prior to any other party. It has nothing to do with the airline industry. It's an important consideration in most divorces.


Is your wifey still on reserve?

Her ability to be a 50/50 parent rests on your shoulders. You will have to continue working around her schedule if your desire for the parenting split is 50/50. She does not have much flexibility right now. Is this something you are willing to work with or do you desire a more traditional parenting time arrangement? There are no standard parenting plans that accommodate a junior airline crew member work schedule. The work schedules are bid monthly and depend on seniority. You will likely have the kids for every major holiday for a while.

Is she working for one of the Big Three airlines or one of the LCCs?
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Re: HELP! Im in the middle of divorce and need input.

Unread postby tahoenv » Sun Nov 12, 2017 4:42 pm

campfire and anyone else,

i would like to give you all an update.

my STBX and I have been on a temporary custody and child support agreement that we and the judge signed. i have the kids 45% of the week and the STBX has them 55% of the week. I am paying her $1100 a month child support. I made $95K last year and she made $15K last year with her airline job sparingly working. Her airline has her as 'fulltime' even though she only works 20 hours a week. She moved out of the family home late may 2017 and she moved into her moms house.. once again, she has a masters and 4 year degree while i have a high school education.

the way our schedule is set up: i work Tues-Fri (4 ten hour shifts) she has the kids those days. She works as a flight attendant and is gone Sat-Mon, i have the kids Sat-Tues.

She has averaged working 3 weekends out of 4 weekends the since the beginning of june. In the last 6 weeks she has only worked 3 weekends. HOW IS THIS NOT WILLFULLY AND INTENTIONALLY UNEMPLOYED?

Lastely. in the latest revised Financial Disclosure, i make $8000 a month and she makes $2400 a month.

Am i wrong to think i should fight her in court for the underemployment? Should i try to ask the judge to impute the STBX work hours to a 40 hour work week??

Tahoe Nevada
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Re: HELP! Im in the middle of divorce and need input.

Unread postby TJinCA » Mon Nov 13, 2017 1:53 am

To get her imputed with income you'll need to have her undergo a vocational examination. A professional will look at her education and skills, the job market for those skills and the prevailing wage for those jobs.

She probably won't do this voluntarily so you'll have to get the judge to order it. The exam and report submitted to the court will probably cost you a few thousand, more if you need the examiner to testify (although I think whichever party calls the examiner as a witness would pay for the court appearance)

So there's a process and an investment, up to you whether you think there will be a payoff in reduced support.
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Re: HELP! Im in the middle of divorce and need input.

Unread postby tahoenv » Mon Nov 13, 2017 11:35 am

Thank you TJinCA. your input really helps. its a matter of... 'is it worth going through all that work and cost to try and fight and still have the uncertainty of the judges' decision vs. paying her the child support she is asking'?

i will calculate the numbers that make the bottom line.

your input really helps TJinCA!

thank you
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Re: HELP! Im in the middle of divorce and need input.

Unread postby FlyGuySLO » Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:02 pm

I suggest the same thing to you as I do everyone at your point in the process:

1. Draft a global settlement agreement with non-severable terms (meaning that it's all or nothing) and present it to her.

This should include joint legal/physical 50/50 custody. BTW - why did you agree to the temporary 55/45 split?

2. Give her 30 days to counter your settlement offer.

If you can't see the finish line based on her counter, and it looks like this will be a protracted game of ping-pong, then shut it down. Simply say you have presented your best and final offer and if that isn't good enough, you will seek resolution of all matters at trial. Then - radio silence. ZERO communication except for child related scheduling and well being.

3. If she balks, prep for trial (war)... but she will most likely cave.

The saying around here is that "Nothing so motivates a woman as the climb of the courthouse steps". Something like 95% of divorces never get to trial because the parties settle in the 11th hour. Just make her think that's where it's going.


Lastly, the vocational exam shouldn't be needed because you'll wrap up a stipulated imputed income amount in the settlement offer. It'll probably be less than you think it should be but more than she wants it to be. If you pursue it as an a la carte item, you're just spending money where you may not have to. Just focus on the finish line via a global settlement offer. Trust me, if you go to trial you'll spend all of your money :x

Good luck.
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Re: HELP! Im in the middle of divorce and need input.

Unread postby tahoenv » Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:30 pm

FLYguySLO,

i went with 55/45 custody time because there is a 60/40 rule for Joint physical custody. Rivero vs. Rivero.

http://scholars.law.unlv.edu/cgi/viewco ... text=nvscs
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