How do you cope with the loneliness?

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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Thu Nov 02, 2017 12:11 pm

cristis wrote:.....I have to change in time my lifestyle and I don't know how.
Nothing will change until something changes.

Q: Are you willing to do whatever it takes??

cristis wrote:I went to AA, but too many nut cases there.....
That's what they all say: "I'm not like these people." Actually Bro, you're an alcoholic. You're no different than anyone else.

Look at it this way. There's only one that hasta change.....everything.

Tom
Everyone is entitled to my opinion. - Maxine™
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby cristis » Thu Nov 02, 2017 8:16 pm

Thanks everyone and sorry for my message. When I look at it today, it seems embarrassingly desperate :)

To briefly answer some of the questions: I'm in my early 50s (older than most of you here, it seems :)), I go to the gym when I can, I used to go hiking but now it rains. I looked for meetups, but not sure if I'd be good company for them. I'm also having some anxiety, from alcohol and everything else, I think, so I don't feel great when I travel far and go out of my element. But I know and I agree this is what I should do at some point. Question is when, we'll see...
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby grandet2 » Thu Nov 02, 2017 9:59 pm

May I suggest fishing or other hobbies?
I take my children and their classmates out fishing, shooting, bowling.

I volunteer a lot on the days I don't work and it keeps me busy but sometimes it gets a bit lonely when few bubbly couples show up to volunteer.

The days I don't have the children I just stay busy with work and chores, but hey I do miss them.

I am seriously thinking of adopting/fostering [go easy on me], I know I am being selfish, my buddy suggested hiring a surrogate. Not sure I can adopt right now, don't have the mulas.
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby cristis » Fri Nov 03, 2017 12:47 am

Tom Kirkpatrick wrote:That's what they all say: "I'm not like these people." Actually Bro, you're an alcoholic. You're no different than anyone else. Look at it this way. There's only one that hasta change.....everything. Tom


@Tom, you're kind of a VIP here and I respect that. But you've been rude and you should take it back, here is why...

I've been to another AA meeting today, in a new place, and I was about to talk about the same thing (I didn't have the chance).

Most people there talk about their alcohol dependency scared like Hell, even after 10/20/30 years of sobriety. Many of them did/do horrific things when they get drunk. Some of them came out of jail. Many girls/women I've met have a huge anger management problem, even when they are sober (or rather because of that). The other day I was afraid a teenager in a meeting will get violent. Some people say they are sober, but they speak like they're drunk. Could be brain damage, could be they still are and lie...

I didn't taste whisky until I was in my 40s, I didn't like it. I had a beer or a glass of wine here and there, that's all. When I started to drink more and more was only few years ago, after I quit smoking. This year alone I became aware of this poison and did not drink for 8 month. I simply went cold turkey and did not think about it anymore. Recent events made me use again the alcohol, in a specific context. But we did not split up because of this. For the last few weeks, it's been both my poison and my "medicine", to forget a bit about the current situation. But I never get drunk, never get violent, I drink always at home before going nicely to bed. Without it, I'd get depressed like hell.

But I'm also sure I'll go cold turkey again, once my social life starts improving. I was thinking going to those meetings afterwords and showing off those people I did not have to apply any silly "steps" or pray God for my next years of abstinence. But I think I'll no longer frequent those meetings: I'll no longer need a constant daily reminder, or chips, or Hare Krishna or Kumbaya, that I quit alcohol. What those people don't tell us is most of us, a huge majority, quit drinking this way. With no AA or other pills, or institutions.

So yes, I think it is a huge difference between our alcohol problem. I cannot envy those guys when I hear they still go to these meetings after 20-30 years of sobriety. You get it now? I lived my whole life without having the huge problem they had! And I still hope I'll get rid of it in a different way. When alcohol addiction starts kicking so late, you're not like most other alcoholics. We had a Scottish guy two days ago, and he confessed he knew he was an alcoholic at 5 years old! When he got drunk the first time!

So yeah, "Bro", I'm in the exact same basket as these nut cases if you want. Have a nice day.
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Nov 03, 2017 9:52 am

it sounds like you are reaching out for help, do you have the resources through work and your medical provider to get additional help?
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby Broken Machine » Fri Nov 03, 2017 11:03 am

Sounds like you got out of AA whatever you were going to get. It's all up to you as long as you are not going down a spiral. Not to push religion but if you are not adverse to it, how about going to a church? I'm not talking about turning into any sort of religious freak or anything. But it is a support group. I go to the one on the base here and I enjoy it. There might even be some nuggets of wisdom. Like for me, I have made a goal to forgive my STBX for this crap she is doing...not for her, but for me.

And the volunteer work type stuff mentioned earlier sounds like a good idea as well. I might have to check into such things for me to get involved in. I might check into the VA in my city or something. I have other ideas for hobbies but they cost money. I was going to get back into martial arts but that costs money, lol.
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Fri Nov 03, 2017 11:13 am

If what you say is true, then quitting shouldn't be a problem, right??

FYI - It's one thing to quit. But staying quit is something different altogether.

cristis wrote:.....I was about to talk about the same thing (I didn't have the chance).
That's when you hit another meeting. Let nothing dissuade you.

cristis wrote:Most people.....
Stay in your lane and work your own program.

cristis wrote:.....I'm also sure I'll go cold turkey again, once my social life starts improving.
Unless you have significant time in sobriety, you bring baggage with you. In this game, that's how it works.

cristis wrote:I cannot envy those guys when I hear they still go to these meetings after 20-30 years of sobriety.
They're not there for themselves, Bro. They're there for you. Talking to them at the "meeting after the meeting."

cristis wrote:Recent events made me use again.....
Life happens!! This game is about living life on life's terms.

BTW - It's not how much you drink, or how little. It's about frequency.

Tom
Everyone is entitled to my opinion. - Maxine™
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby cristis » Fri Nov 03, 2017 11:34 am

@Tom, I recognize the one way street language of a recovering alcoholic. Nothing wrong with that, just saying. Just be aware the AA is just one way of looking at alcoholism, there are others...

It still strikes me how afraid you guys are of "not staying sober". But after these meetings I start to better understand the high degree of addiction. You still don't understand I'm not there. I will quit again one of the following weeks, but not like you. If one or two years from now I'll hit another few weeks of drinking and quit again, what's the big fuss? I never crave the taste of alcohol and I do not do stupid things when I drink. You still don't get it that I went to AA just because I became rationally aware I sometimes put too much alcohol in my body, but nothing else.

@Broken Machine,

yes, I'll consider both church and volunteer work, as most of your suggestions here (thank you, guys!).

Going to AA was also kind of a religious experience, maybe you heard about those meetings :) And what can I say, I am open minded, I fully respect if other people can recover that way, but sometimes those meetings get depressing as well. I'd go to a church preaching more moral values and human qualities, but I'm afraid most of them still embrace pure religious slogans and clichées.
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Fri Nov 03, 2017 12:52 pm

cristis wrote:.....but now I feel more lonely and I drink......I work from home and I don't have anyone else (I isolated myself from anyone long ago).
For the practicing alcoholic, this is a dangerous place to be.

cristis wrote:.....I have to change in time my lifestyle and I don't know how.
Learning to live life on life's terms is your #1 challenge. Give yourself that chance, Bro.

Tom
Everyone is entitled to my opinion. - Maxine™
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby Outis » Fri Nov 03, 2017 3:04 pm

Have you tried anything outside of AA? Specifically, CBT, REBT, or SMART Recovery?
What am I to do with all this silence
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