How do you cope with the loneliness?

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How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby cristis » Thu Nov 02, 2017 2:44 am

We separated one month ago, I think and hope for good this time. I was already very lonely before, but now I feel more lonely and I drink. It's not from suffering, it is because I have to change in time my lifestyle and I don't know how. I work from home and I don't have anyone else (I isolated myself from anyone long ago). I went to AA, but too many nut cases there, not the best place to make new friends. No social clubs in the area...

How to meet new people and where? I really need it!
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Nov 02, 2017 5:43 am

What do you have for hobbies, how do you spend your free time?
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Thu Nov 02, 2017 6:27 am

OP, drinking alone is not a good idea. Do you think you can taper down or better yet, stop?

Were you married? Children? If so, what state?

As for friends, have you tried Meetup? Put in an interested and see if there are any groups in your area. You are going to have to extend yourself, take some chances and face rejection if you are to find and bring some new, quality people into your life.
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Nov 02, 2017 8:10 am

OP - I have been working remotely for almost a decade and love it! I can wrap my schedule to my kids, nobody looking over my shoulder. Another benefit is I can exercise more frequently.

Are you in the best physical shape of your life? Have you tried to get into it? If that is already done (which should take about 12 months to get on track) what else would you like to do with your free time?

But make sure you are getting rest, exercise and interactions with adults.
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby afc » Thu Nov 02, 2017 8:27 am

I took lots of classes at the local college outreach.

Conversational German, stained glass, etc. Would get the catalog, flip through it and just pick something that sounded even vaguely interesting. Got out of the house, learned stuff, and met people.
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Nov 02, 2017 8:37 am

You need to find happiness and contentment from within. It is a problem that you require extrinsic validation - though I get it, humans are social apes. If you do figure out some activities that get you out of the house (and I agree that you should) be careful not to think of any of the women you might encounter as potential dates. You will stink of desperation and neediness if you're not careful.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby afc » Thu Nov 02, 2017 8:39 am

+1 Trevor

Although in my area the only women taking those classes were 60+ married women so it was pretty safe.
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby Broken Machine » Thu Nov 02, 2017 10:42 am

I had a bad bout of depression/loneliness earlier this week. Not that I missed STBX (glad she is gone). Just the marriage in general and it was during the week I did not have my kids. I battled through it. But I have noticed that there are waves where I am ok, to what I went through two days ago. I am fine now. I am also in the process of how to deal with this.

Right now I am ok with either having another lady in my life or even dying alone if that is my fate. But do not rush a relationship. This board recommends a year after a finalized divorce. Personally, I'm not sure about it but then again in my situation I have enough going on that nothing will happen anyway, lol. But definitely have a break. During this break time, improve your health. Exercise and of course find hobbies. I would try to find a hobby but they cost money so I am not doing good there. But I do exercise. Hell, at night when I don't have my kids I go and walk around the neighborhood just before I go to bed.

I also tried to go out to a restaurant or even a pool hall. I am just trying to do inexpensive things that get me out of the house. I have already cleaned it up for the most part after STBX neglected the hell out of it. Try not to stay in your house. Getting out even if it is to just walk around in a store should help. It is a process. But definitely take this time to improve yourself physically and mentally.
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby Broken Machine » Thu Nov 02, 2017 11:14 am

Fatheroffour, sounds awesome. However I am terrible at pool, lol. I just want to do something to get out of the house. The one I went to seemed dead yet enough people there. Plenty of open tables on a Friday night. I just went there to check it out and have a couple beers. I might go back and just use a table to myself if there are no others using any. Right now, it's just about finding things to do out of my house because it is starting to drive me crazy.
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Re: How do you cope with the loneliness?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Nov 02, 2017 12:06 pm

I wasn't very good when I stared either. Lots of practice, videos and more practice.

Point being, find something and throw yourself into it. Time will pass, you'll grow, meet people.
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