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Re: Have proof of cheating

Unread postPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 10:07 am
by massdad1234
my general understanding is filling a fault divorce needs to be air tight, otherwise better to file no fault and use that same information to help negotiate a deal while putting the children's needs first is best. You main focus should be a parenting plan, because she wanted to have other penis inside her doesn't change her abilities as a parent. Your STBX would have to have put the children in serious harm for that to be considered in my opinion, would cost lots of money and would lead to what outcome?

Re: Have proof of cheating

Unread postPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 10:25 am
by TJinCA
TripletDadNJ wrote:Thanks guys. I'm really concerned with these videos she is sending to him. Too much information about our kids. Almost as if she sees him as a replacement for me. Made up lies about me today. She also told her family about this guy. It's very difficult not confronting her about all this.


Of course she sees him as a replacement for/upgrade from you. And of course she's becoming more negatively biased about you to justify her decision. That's sucky behavior, but human nature nonetheless.

About all you can do is make sure your kids know you're their dad and a good one, and hope that new guy either fades away (but don't view that as an opportunity for you to get back in) or turns out to be a good guy and a positive force for your kids.

As for confronting her, there may be some emotional value in doing that right now but you should consider how, if and when that fits into your larger strategy. About the most I would do in your situation I think, given that it sounds like you're both on the path to divorce, is to let her know that you know and that cements your resolve to divorce. But that you still want to get it done efficiently and fairly, and work with her to minimize impact on the kids.

Re: Have proof of cheating

Unread postPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 10:32 am
by Broken Machine
Definitely do not expose. Hell you can still gather evidence and save it for a rainy day. Not saying for anything malicious, but who knows. But for the now, I agree to use the Mr. W affect to your advantage as mentioned before. And I agree, your wife is villainizing you to justify whatever she is doing. They all do this be it they are cheaters or are cowards and want to leave the marriage.

Sorry you are going through this. I second what Lovingdadof2 said about how us dads bust our asses to make sure we provide for our family and then the selfish wife wants to bail. Like I said before..."cowards". But we bust our asses to provide for our families, now we must bust our asses to have 50/50 with our kids. It's the same routine minus the parasite parent. You'll get through this.

Also, do NOT move out.

Re: Have proof of cheating

Unread postPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 11:00 am
by Campfire
Triplet, since you are a strong believer in morals, what do you think of the dude she is cheating with? Do you think he's a stand up guy? Do you think he would throw his own world upside down to acommadate three children that aren't even his?

What do you think the odds are of this guy being in the picture in 12 months...?

Re: Have proof of cheating

Unread postPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 3:03 pm
by SoxFan1986
Welcome to forum.

Alot of the guys here (myself included) get hit with the "I want a divorce" "Its all your fault" Only later to find out there's a Mr. Wonderful. In this regards, you got a jump on the situation.

Now is the time to get your ducts in a row.

1. Don't move out
2. Buy a digital recorder to guard against false DV claims.
3. If she moves out, change the locks.
4. Start interviewing lawyers.
5. Be the best dad you can be.
6. Find sometime for yourself, maybe a join a gym or hobby.
7. Don;t tip you hand, keep your plans private for now.

Keep posting, we got your back here....

Re: Have proof of cheating

Unread postPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 11:04 pm
by DumpedinFL
Tripledad, unfortunately, some women have to learn the hard way. Your cheating wife thinks her lover is going to marry her. Will never happen. You'll have the last laugh. Hang in there.

Re: Have proof of cheating

Unread postPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 1:13 pm
by TripletDadNJ
Thanks again everyone for the responses and advice.

So far I have not exposed to her that I know about Mr. Wonderful. It is going to be tough to be silent about it this weekend though. My parents are taking the kids (planned a while ago) so it will just be the two of us. We plan on getting the Christmas shopping done for the kids, but I'm sure the topic of divorce is going to be brought up. It is going to take a lot of effort to bite my tongue. Trust me, the voice recorder will be on the entire time.

To make things even more uncomfortable, her dad will be staying with us for 15 days around Thanksgiving. Again this was planned before the topic of divorce was ever brought up. He knows about the divorce, but not sure if he knows of Mr. Wonderful.

I haven't yet told my parents what is going on. I was going to wait until after the holidays, but with this new information I don't think it can wait. My wife does not have any immediate family in the area -- and my family helps her out a lot and are very active with our kids. Guess I have to tell them soon as to have them prepared -- plus I really don't want them spending any money on her for Xmas.

Thanks again guys -- I know this is all over the place but I'm a real mess right now.

Re: Have proof of cheating

Unread postPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 1:19 pm
by massdad1234
I know and it was pretty easy to hold it. If you make a scene now, she will stop. The more distracted she is the better. Granted, I filed and wanted too for some time, but not saying a thing has its benefits.