MA - Strategy and feedback Part III

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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part III

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Nov 02, 2017 12:19 pm

yes, essentially 50% was offered for buyout, no funny business on my end, signed off by judge. The house remains with Dad and next step is for me to lock in parenting plan.
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part III

Unread postby a dad » Wed Nov 15, 2017 1:13 pm

Custody before finances.
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part III

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Wed Nov 15, 2017 1:22 pm

massdad1234 wrote:The house remains with Dad and next step is for me to lock in parenting plan.
Kids stay with the house. Two-pronged strategy:
1) This'll set you up for primary.
2) Just because you're getting divorced doesn't mean their lives should be disrupted as well. This is a best interest issue.

Tom
Like football, family court is a game of inches. A John Madden strategy
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part III

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Nov 15, 2017 1:45 pm

I feel you, I made a judgement call and i'll admit some fear was in my decision. I had concerns that STBX could drag it out, judge force house sold (not end of world) but I see no reason to even make that an option.
a dad wrote:Custody before finances.

Exactly my thoughts
Tom Kirkpatrick wrote:Kids stay with the house. Two-pronged strategy:
1) This'll set you up for primary.
2) Just because you're getting divorced doesn't mean their lives should be disrupted as well. This is a best interest issue.

Tom
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part III

Unread postby a dad » Wed Nov 15, 2017 1:48 pm

If finances are settled but custody isn't, what bargaining chips do you have?
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part III

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Nov 15, 2017 3:08 pm

I hear what you're saying, at this point i'm not looking to bargain. I made a good offer, she rejected it, time to see what the judge has to say. I offered essentially 50/50 and made a equitable offer, i'll let her draw this out as long as possible while I continue to document status quo.

My strategy is its in the kids best interests to maintain as much status quo as possible. They can:
maintain their current residence
current routine
dad has a proven history of supporting the mother's relationship

I'll let her make the argument that what i'm proposing isn't in their best interest.
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part III

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Wed Nov 15, 2017 3:22 pm

Do you really want to go before a judge?

If she's unreasonable, then yes. But I'd certainly rather dictate my terms than a judge.

So, I think the question of leverage may have to do with 11th hour, court step negotiations?
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part III

Unread postby Jnwaco » Wed Nov 15, 2017 3:33 pm

First, thanks for your past advice with my divorce. You guys are awesome.

I agree with the “custody-first” approach. My biggest fear is that once the finances are divided and settled, it’s over.
Custody never seems to be over until the children are older. I’m not willing to “buy” custodial rights up front, because she can find a cheap attorney and drag me back to court to modify custody every year for the next decade. I will NEVER be able to drag her back to court to re-divide assets.

And while custody is my first and foremost goal, I’m not inclined to throw money at her, having known her for a decade.
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part III

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Nov 15, 2017 8:04 pm

I offered to take more debt, give her more assets and essentially offered a 4/3 that takes into account her fluctuating schedule. She rejected it all. Her counter proposals all said "shared custodial" but really was only every other weekend. Time to take it to the mats. She essentially wants the perks of marriage without the marriage - me funding everything while she 'works' part time. The time to negotiate is over, radio silence.
LovingDadof2 wrote:Do you really want to go before a judge?

If she's unreasonable, then yes. But I'd certainly rather dictate my terms than a judge.

So, I think the question of leverage may have to do with 11th hour, court step negotiations?

Question: Could we not renegotiate an entirely new order on the courthouse steps and that supersedes the current signed off housing agreement?
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part III

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Thu Nov 16, 2017 6:39 am

massdad1234 wrote:Question: Could we not renegotiate an entirely new order on the courthouse steps and that supersedes the current signed off housing agreement?

I believe you can supersede any previous agreement provided that both parties agree.

I understand your position. You are trying to lock-in the home for the children's stability to show to the judge it's in their best interest to maintain status quo. As we all know, there are no guarantees in the arena. We need to choose the best strategy that we believe will yield a positive outcome for our individual situation.

Hopefully she's not asking for additional parenting time just for the CS paycheck? I understand why the law is what it is, but personally I find it sickening when people use their children as financial stability.

I understand you have gone radio silent, but has your STBX ever communicated to you directly what she really wants? Speaking from my own personal situation, once I was able to do that, the log jam created by her lawyer's promises was broken up and we were able to move forward again. You know her better than anyone here, but sometimes extending a little olive branch and the right mood may be all that it takes.
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