Upcoming Divorce--Questions??

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Upcoming Divorce--Questions??

Unread postby _ProudPoppa_ » Tue Oct 03, 2017 7:57 pm

Met STBX in June 2015. A few months later we found out we were having a baby! I was 37, STBX 31, both with great jobs. (She has MBA). She wanted to quit her job because she worked too many hours, which meant she needed to sell her house ( it sold pretty quick) I told her to rent it out, but she refused. She moved into the house I just bought right before we met because it was bigger than her house. We decided to get married in December 2015 (d'oh!) because I wanted to make sure her and the baby would be covered with insurance.

Anyways, too much life happened for us too quickly, and obviously things went south. Two strangers getting married... What did I expect? So, despite my feeling that we can work out things, she says she is done with the marriage. As far as I know there is no infidelity, no drug use, abuse or any other shenanigans. She just feels we're incompatible.

So, I had premarital assets like an IRA and another investment account. We kept separate bank accounts, but we started a joint account for groceries and miscellaneous spending. The house has always been in my name and I pay all of the monthly bills out of my account. I have read The List several times, I've started a journal and I have a Sony digital recorder. We still live together, and no papers have been filed yet. She is saving money for an attorney (she has worked part time since she quit her full time job), and then she plans to file the papers.

Her attorney says I will get the EOW screwjob based on my work schedule. I'm on call a few times a month. But, I really only work about 30 hours a week. I've also been involved in my D1 life since day one. I'm terrified that I won't get equal parenting time with my little girl due to "tender years" BS. But, I know Kentucky passed a new bill granting 50/50 temporary parenting time until a judge can decide. To be clear, I will not settle for less than 50/50 with my daughter.

Sorry for the disconjointed post... But, any advice/help is appreciated.
Last edited by _ProudPoppa_ on Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:58 am, edited 2 times in total.
_ProudPoppa_
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2017 7:28 pm

Re: Upcoming KY divorce--Questions??

Unread postby _ProudPoppa_ » Tue Oct 03, 2017 8:04 pm

I forgot to mention that I did consult an attorney already, so I'm ready if she does file. But, I'm also hoping someone else out there knows a good litigating attorney in Northern Kentucky.
_ProudPoppa_
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2017 7:28 pm

Re: Upcoming KY divorce--Questions??

Unread postby a dad » Tue Oct 03, 2017 8:11 pm

Welcome.

It sounds like you're off to a good start.

My advice is to maximize your time with kiddo, including appointments and fun time, as well as implementing financial austerity by minimizing income and expenses. Do you have a parenting calendar or parenting log?

The tender years doctrine has been debunked. Who told you about it?
User avatar
a dad
Moderator
 
Posts: 9591
Joined: Sun May 27, 2012 2:49 pm
Location: The Wild West

Re: Upcoming KY divorce--Questions??

Unread postby _ProudPoppa_ » Tue Oct 03, 2017 8:29 pm

I spend ALL of my time with my kiddo. I moved down here by myself two years ago, so I don't have any other distractions or hobbies to occupy myself. STBX goes out with friends frequently, so I happily stay home with D1.

I read about "tender years" on this site, and like you mentioned, it is outdated. Her attorney and psychotherapist convinced her that she would get a majority of custody based on our daughter's age. I keep a daily handwritten journal of all my parenting time, including cooking (Stbx cannot cook), playtime, park time, bath time and bedtime. I don't use social media, but I do take pictures of my time with D1 on my phone. Also, my mom is retiring and is moving 150'miles down here with me so she can also spend time with her granddaughter. Stbx does not know about this, and I don't plan on telling her until we go to court. Stbx will NOT agree to anything other than EOW... She was a child of divorce, and "had to live out of a duffel bag" going back and forth form her parents.

She is nuts.... We both make 100k, so our D1 could easily have the same stuff at both houses. I guess like anyone else, I'm just scared of the unknown right now. She will not agree to mediate on custody; I thought we could save $$ by agreeing amongst ourselves. But, I will spend all I haVe for time with my daughter.
_ProudPoppa_
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2017 7:28 pm

Re: Upcoming KY divorce--Questions??

Unread postby _ProudPoppa_ » Tue Oct 03, 2017 9:04 pm

I realized I didn't ask any specific questions....

So, to anyone out there familiar with Kentucky divorce prceedings:

How was your experience regarding getting the parenting time/plan you wanted? I was thinking of going 2/2/3/2/2/3 until she's in the first grade, then 7/7 with a mid week dinner for the other parent. And eventually just 7/7

What does Kentucky use as your date of separation? Is it when you file the sepaaration papers? Is it when someone moved out of the bedroom? Is it since last sexual contact?

And does anyone have any advice in general they can offer?

Also, for anyone who cohabitated with someone they knew wanted a divorce, but didn't themself feel the same way, how did you get by day to day?
Last edited by _ProudPoppa_ on Tue Oct 03, 2017 10:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
_ProudPoppa_
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2017 7:28 pm

Re: Upcoming KY divorce--Questions??

Unread postby TJinCA » Tue Oct 03, 2017 9:41 pm

_ProudPoppa_ wrote:
Her attorney says...


What he says is interesting as "intel" on what her position and arguments are likely to be, but you know that he's not getting paid to give you advice or advocate for you. Talk to your own lawyer and do your own research for info on what your rights are and what you're likely to get, particularly with regard to custody.

Attorney should also be able to answer your question on when "separation" is recognized and your finances become separate. They can also probably give you a good idea what you should be able to claim as separate property (probably quite a bit, since the marriage was short and you didn't do much financial comingling) and what property/assets should be subject to division.

As for your question on cohabitation, I didn't have exactly your situation but my ex and I did live together (in separate bedrooms) for about a year after we "separated." It was kind of uncomfortable but not too bad--we were able to be civil with each other, YMMV. No kid involved in our case. But Kentucky may also have rules about you having to live separately for some period of time before they will allow you to divorce--Google or attorney should be able to give you a good idea what the rules are.
Last edited by TJinCA on Tue Oct 03, 2017 9:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.
TJinCA
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 288
Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:36 pm
Location: Orange County, CA

Re: Upcoming KY divorce--Questions??

Unread postby Havalu7 » Tue Oct 03, 2017 9:41 pm

Welcome OP I have what may seem like a silly question but here goes.

Are you covertly running the digital voice recorder (DAR) 24-7?

It looks like you are still in the home together and it doesn't sound like it's too rough with the STBX so far; don't let your guard down even if she seems like she wants to kiss and make up, or just be civil.

If she is in the health care industry she is probably being coached so please take all precautions and stay close to the forum brother.

Remember ANYONE is capable of anything and so is your STBX.

As adad noted you've already done a lot of good prep so if you see some new guy come on board; jump in and help him in the areas you've already done well at i.e. DAR, reading the list and preparing your own and others. Grab your shovel and you too can become a highly paid volunteer.
”No.” is a complete sentence.

Do not move out of your house.
User avatar
Havalu7
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1672
Joined: Wed Jan 27, 2016 10:43 am

Re: Upcoming KY divorce--Questions??

Unread postby _ProudPoppa_ » Wed Oct 04, 2017 7:36 am

I definitely have my DAR running when she is home. And, I know she is being coached by some people with experience with all of this.

I want to thank everyone who replied to my posts. And I will certainly help out on here where I can. To anyone out there lurking, please listen to what the pros are saying on here. My situation hadn't even began to take off yet, but the peace of mind this board provides is invaluable.
_ProudPoppa_
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2017 7:28 pm

Re: Upcoming KY divorce--Questions??

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Oct 04, 2017 3:49 pm

Call Cordell & Cordell in Lou, Florence (Y'all), or CVG. Whichever is closer to your jurisdiction. Do so from Newport on the Levee.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
Trevor
Moderator
 
Posts: 23403
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:55 pm

Re: Upcoming KY divorce--Questions??

Unread postby FlyGuySLO » Wed Oct 04, 2017 4:20 pm

If you KNOW you are getting a divorce, why do you not file first? Why are you waiting for her to save money for an attorney and allow her to file?

That is like a neighboring nation telling you they will attack you as soon as they finish compiling enough ammunition.

You should file.
FlyGuySLO
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 465
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:02 pm
Location: Central Coast CA

Next

Return to Before and During Divorce Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests