What to do....

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Re: What to do....

Unread postby big guy » Thu Apr 20, 2017 9:54 am

You need to quit drinking. You are trying to justify behavior that has caused you self-inflicted pain.
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Re: What to do....

Unread postby fireman4953 » Thu Apr 20, 2017 10:13 am

Not at all. From 2014 to 2016 I abstained from drinking completely to support my wife and her sobriety. Being unhappy with my marriage and my resentment for my wife grew and grew the last 6-8 months. I absolutely made the wrong decision to drink and numb the pain then tell my wife how I felt. That's why I decided to go to counseling. If not drinking anything is the smart thing to do I will do it. Absolutely.
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Re: What to do....

Unread postby fireman4953 » Thu Apr 20, 2017 10:23 am

I completely agree with you guys. I can't mask pain and hardship with drinking any alcohol. I am going to just stop. I don't need it, or want it.
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Re: What to do....

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Apr 20, 2017 10:26 am

Good. It's *that* important.
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Re: What to do....

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Thu Apr 20, 2017 10:50 am

fireman4953 wrote:So for the kids sake I agreed to stay with a friend until May 1st. We even signed a contract with a third party as witness stating she has til May 1 to get out of the house.
What makes you think she'll abide by contract terms?? What will you do if she doesn't??

BTW - The contract is not the same as a court order. It isn't enforceable.

fireman4953 wrote:I still have my belongings there and pay all the bills. She changed the locks though and put all my clothes on the porch.
Step out of your comfort zone, Bro. Do you see the direction this is going?? Do you fully comprehend the ramifications of moving out?? I don't think you do.

Here's the deal: By moving out, you've set dangerous precedent. If she were to go to ex parte today, she'd get Exclusive Use and Occupancy, and you'd be stuck paying household expenses for the entire course of this proceeding. To the uniformed, that would be the next two or three years.

Changed the locks?? Clothes on the porch??
^^^ Big red flag!!

Fair warning, Bro. Without question, this tells you where this is going. It's called slippery slope.

FYI - This is not her first rodeo. She knows the ropes. She's leading you down the primrose path. You need an attorney. You also need a game plan. Have you read The List??


fireman4953 wrote:Legally I can move back anytime I want since it is primary residence.
Then that's exactly what you should do. Because in all likelihood, May 1st may be too late.

fireman4953 wrote:She told me she hasn't found a place to live yet.
Again, do you see where this is going??

She has no incentive to move out. You will carefully note the operative word "incentive" and the lack thereof. It's "the lack thereof" that should worry you.

fireman4953 wrote:She is also driving a vehicle I own in my name only and will not meet me to switch the titles.
This is financial entanglement. If she's involved in an injury accident, or worse, who do you think the injured party will sue?? Hint: It won't be her.

fireman4953 wrote:When May 1st comes should I just move back in the house with law enforcement on site to ensure peace.
Way wait 'til May 1st?? What will you do when (not if) she gets an order for Exclusive Use between now and then??

Remember your drunken tirade?? In ex parte, that's all the excuse she'll need to give you the boot. And while she's at it, she can also get a TRO. That tirade gives her good cause. And if she plays her cards right, your tirade could turn out to be a very expensive drunk. And BTW, if she's successful in getting the TRO, that could be the death knell of your fire fighting career.

fireman4953 wrote:What would you do?
Wrong question, Bro.
The real question is, "What should I do??"
Ans: Move back in. Don't wait!!

Everyone is entitled to my opinion. - Maxine™
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Re: What to do....

Unread postby Havalu7 » Thu Apr 20, 2017 2:19 pm

Move back in bro with digital audio recorder humming in your pocket 24-7.
With her obviously being coached you need to protect yourself brudda.

Read some of the threads here and you see many men who didn't and came back to tell the forum they wish they had.

Don't join that club. It won't be easy but is is doable. Stay close by the forum and they guys and auxiliary will help you.
"No." is a complete sentence.

Do not move out of your house.
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Re: What to do....

Unread postby 50-50 » Wed Apr 26, 2017 9:58 am

Fellow fireman here. Been going through my divorce almost six months now.

Brother, these guys know what they are talking about. Read The List, get back in the house however you can, get a good attorney NOW, preferable one who is a litigator and worked with fireman (ask your coworkers).

Don't drink, there is no upside, only downside. This is a section of your life you now have to manage with tactical precision.

File first. Digital recorder at all times while limiting contact. Preserve your career and your life by making these important decisions.
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