So, my STBX hasn't moved out yet and there's another 60 days before she does. In the mean time, neighbors have informed me of the men she's sexting, texting, and possibly banging. I find that very offensive and hurtful - I mean you have 60 days, keep it together and do whatever it is you want to do after you have moved out, but I digress.
On Friday, she's getting an IUD put in and accidentally left the appointment on the counter. I have conferred with the lawyer and our strategy is to depose her of all her behaviors next week with the aim of having her removed from the house and all kids staying with me 100% if we go to court based on fitness to parent. At least use that for leverage to push her to go faster because we are supposed to receive a proposal tomorrow that includes 50/50 on parenting time, as well as 50/50 child care, and 1/3-1/3-1/3 on college costs, and decent exemptions for me, and I keep the house, and she agrees to stay in the same school district. If there are no easter eggs, it's actually a decent agreement other than the temporary maintenance I would pay her ($600 for 3 years or until she gets a job or remarries or is pregnant). Frankly, I don't want to pay that money to her at all. I am concerned that I would be stuck with child care 80/20 and bombing other things. I would pay $1500 according to the guidelines and spousal support of $600 is just her icing on the cake.
The discovery that would go out on Monday (after she gets her IUD) would include these questions:
1) What relations are you having with the opposite sex and provide profiles of all sites? I have evidence that she's on tinder and bumble, and whatever else.
2) Have you sought or started using birth control?
3) What does your husband use for birth control? (She made me get a vasectomy in December).
4) How often do you go out to party leaving the kids with him? I have my journal from last month and a few of her facebook posts where she went to a hotel and posted at 4 AM?
5) Have you physically harmed yourself in the past? She did when she was a teenager.
6) What mental health issues have you been treated for? Anger management, stress, depression (multiple times).
7) What has your work history been and under what circumstances did you leave? There are some good gems in there and her last employment can also be used to impute her income at $100 a week lower than what I would be paying her for CSO. I also have her on record that she wanted to stop working.
8) Have you used any drugs or marijuana in the past 5 years? She has used marijuana.
The judge we will see if we go to court is a conservative judge and my lawyer feels that she can get a decent ruling from her.
With this information... any thoughts from the senior members on which direction to take? I am leaning toward seeing what the agreement is and then deciding if there's more to be gained.
It's a no fault state, but my real concern is what sort of an environment the kids will live in. I am also pissed off that she would do something so offensive, but... I keep reminding myself that this isn't the person I spent a decade plus with. Well, at least I try to anyway. The hurt just doesn't want to go away...